The “old flame” on Facebook question requires wisdom and not a blanket condemnation. It bothers me that Christians so quickly flee some of those situations automatically. It doesn’t seem very mature to me.

Regardless of whether we grew up in a dating culture or not, every culture deals with people who “have feelings ” for another person but don’t end up marrying that person. Every culture has to deal with adultery, no matter what their courtship and dating rituals are.

Which is why the article seems simultaneously naive and overly cautious at the same time.

Not every old flame is going to reignite some lingering spark. Honestly, some “fires” do die down. I have a consistent reader of my blog who is a Facebook friend, too, who was my “high school sweetheart,” and there’s not one iota in me interested in rekindling anything. Her friendship, though, is valuable. Like any valuable friendship, losing it would be a genuine loss, and I am better for having it than not.

On the other hand, those relationships that ended poorly or have lingering embers are probably best left alone. Too many, when toyed with, end in burning down one’s own house—or household.

The wisdom here is in knowing the difference and listening to the Holy Spirit. That’s where real discernment comes in. The blanket condemnation is not discernment at all, nor does it fit within normal life. In any mixed-sex group of people who spend time together, “feelings” will ebb and flow. I suspect that in many of those close groups, a blanket condemnation would eliminate all friendships with anyone of the opposite sex given enough time. Think back to some old youth groups you might have been in and ask how easily “feelings” shifted within that group.

I think many of us, especially in hard times, play the “What If I Had Only ____?” game. That’s more of the issue here. That this may involve someone we once had feelings for says less about that person and more about the lack we are experiencing in our own life. Understanding that lack and talking it through with trusted believers of the same sex is a wiser way to deal with the issue.

Excellent and well thought out response to the “Old Flame” on Facebook, DLE!

Life is multi-dimensional, as are relationships. As Christians, we are to conduct ourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel, and that includes male/female relationships, married or unmarried, old and young. There is ample Scripture to show us the ground rules. Wisdom, propriety, and purity are key components to walking in a way that glorifies God. Everything else probably falls under the category of “issues of the heart” that most likely need care and attention, if not repentance.

Michael: “I think you give people too much credit. As sinners, this type of thing opens the door for sin. That’s the point of the article. Why play with fire when it’s not necessary? ‘Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.’”

I would contend that perhaps you don’t give Spirit-filled saints ENOUGH credit. “And such WERE some of you” certainly means that the old life is no longer the standard by which you and I are to be identified.

If we are not careful in our discernment or how we apply Scriptures to all people in general, we can create theologies that violate the heart of God.

For instance, using the criterion you supply:

I had a crush on my 7th grade Sunday School teacher. I guess I should have fled Sunday School.

On the other side, I guess I should not have been a part of a ministry that went into gay bars to help men trapped in that lifestyle to find Christ. A sinful place, for sure, and a cauldron of broken sexuality.

Likewise, Jesus would never have talked with prostitutes as they might have been too much of a temptation. Yet He did so, and with great results, without sinning.

Yes, we must always be wise to our own weaknesses. But your weaknesses and mine are not the same. One person’s area of sexual sin is not another’s.

Likewise, when we apply blanket “rules” without genuine Holy Spirit-led discernment, we more often than not hurt other people by our callousness. And this in no way reflects well on Jesus or His Church.

Your comments about the youth group…well, I’m not sure how anyone can have ANY contact with the opposite sex in any situation based on what you imply. Just leaving one’s house would be a problem!

I will also comment that those of us who are married will be friends with other couples. Inevitably, at some point in time, you might have some kind of “feelings” for someone in that group of couple friends who is not your spouse. And those feelings, and even who they are directed toward, may vary widely, especially given the state of your own marriage or even if you just had a disagreement with your spouse the moment before you walked into your couple friend’s house. Fleeing is not always the answer, obviously. Adults work those issues out with God and with trusted friends. And they trust God for keeping, too. That’s how God intends. Again, we can’t sit locked away in our rooms all the time.

I say all this knowing that there are some women I would be better off NOT friending on Facebook. Sometimes, fleeing has to be an option. But that requires discernment, as it has consequences, often harsh ones.

“Keep in mind here we’re not talking about casual conversations with friends, but secretly checking up and even messaging past girlfriends/fiancees.”

We are? I thought the topic was whether you should ever, under any circumstances, be “Facebook friends” with someone with whom you’ve had a past romantic relationship, and whether the answer to that should be, “Never.”

If interacting with someone, anyone, presents a temptation of any sort, then wisdom says that if there is not some greater necessity being served, flee, or at least limit the interaction to very public situations. But creating a blanket self-prohibition based on past history with complete disregard to the present situation and whatever has or hasn’t happened since isn’t wisdom, it’s substituting rules for wisdom, which simply doesn’t work.