Last week I spoke to Bob Kellemen about the difficult subject of spiritual abuse. We worked toward a definition of the term and looked also at what shouldn’t rightly be classified as abuse. I had more questions and Bob was kind enough to answer them (and, in my opinion, to answer well). Here’s the rest of our discussion. I hope this helps people who are suffering spiritual abuse or who are wondering if that is what’s going on at their local church.

TC: How are we to react to genuine spiritual abuse? Is this a time to begin a web site to expose abuse? Is this the time to leave a church?

BK: I want to address that question in a two-fold way: how do we respond to spiritual abuse internally--in our own hearts, and how do we respond to spiritual abuse "externally"--in our relationship to the person hurting us, in relationship to the church, and in relationship to the wider Christian community. 

Internally, I always encourage the person who is experiencing spiritual abuse to step back and seek the help of a trusted, objective third party. We discussed in our first post the fact that the term "spiritual abuse" can be misused or misapplied so we don't have to respond to loving confrontation from a spiritual authority. As a counselor, I try to raise this possibility to the person in a loving, kind, supportive way. The last thing they need is to sense that the "victim is being victimized." Still, it's vital to have someone help you to assess what is actually occurring. 

Let's assume that the outside assessment concurs (that sounds more clinical than it is in real life): spiritual abuse is occurring. I then encourage the person who is experiencing spiritual abuse to avoid two extremes. One extreme is denial and minimizing. In God's Healing for Life's Losses: How to Find Hope When You're Hurting, I build a biblical case for candor and lament--honesty with self and with God about life's losses. It is a very painful loss to have someone you trust as a shepherd use that shepherding role to harm rather than to help. 

Well, I made it safely from Boston to Los Angeles. One thing I neglected to realize when planning my travel is that arriving in L.A. at 10:30 PM is a lot later than it seems when coming in from the East Coast. So I arrived at 10:30, but of course it was really 1:30 AM in the east. Thankfully I slept soundly and was in pretty good shape to speak at Grace Community Church this morning. I spoke before a group of a few hundred thirty-somethings and then before what must have been 1,000 college students. I spoke from Genesis 3, tracing redemptive history through the cherubim that the Lord placed outside Eden to guard the way to the Tree of Life. What a thrill it was to be able to travel right across the continent and preach God’s Word.

Coming from quite a small church, it was an interesting experience to be on a campus with thousands and thousands of people milling about. I guess it would be simple enough to be just a face in the crowd, but it certainly seemed like there was lots of true fellowship going on there. It looks like the church does a good job of allowing people to be part of something small, even with such a huge congregation.

And that was that. We swung by the church quickly to say hello to Dr. MacArthur and then had lunch with Travis Allen and his family (Travis is involved in running the GTY web site and blog).

Somehow, in the middle of it all, I began to think of this quote from Michael Emlet. I want to remember this one in the midst of studying and speaking and preaching. It is a good corrective; a good warning.

A temptation in ministry is to think that just because we prepared a Bible study, a sermon, or a discipleship appointment (or wrote a book like this!), we are deeply engaging with the God of the universe. But that's not necessarily true. It's easy in ministry to live more as a 'pipe' than a 'reservoir.' That is, it's easy to live merely as a conduit to others of the transforming truths of God's Word, rather than as a changed and transformed reservoir who overflows with lived-out gospel truth. You wouldn't imagine cooking meal after meal for your family without sitting down to enjoy that nourishment, would you? To paraphrase James 1:22, let's not merely be hearers or speakers or counselors of the Word, but doers, first and foremost.

Those are words I need to remember.

Tomorrow I’m off to The Master’s College to lead chapel and do a few other things. Should be fun!

This week’s Free Stuff Fridays is sponsored by Baker Books. Baker has just published the Baker Illustrated Bible Handbook and they’d like to give away some copies of it. I received a copy not too long ago and have quite enjoyed it as a reference volume. According to the publisher,

The Baker Illustrated Bible Handbook offers the most up-to-date evangelical biblical scholarship in a format that is colorful, informative, and easy to understand. This book-by-book guide brings the Bible to life with more than:

• 1,100 full-color pages
• 500 color photos and illustrations
• 80 maps and charts
• 100 articles by leading evangelical scholars

You will discover how each part of the Bible reveals God’s overarching purposes, giving you a clearer understanding of God’s Word from Genesis to Revelation. And you’ll learn how to more effectively interpret the Bible and apply it to your life.

Baker has five prizes to give away today and each prize will contain 2 copies of the Handbook—one for you and one for a friend or for a church library; you’ll be able to put it to good use, I’m sure.

Giveaway Rules: You may only enter the draw once. Simply fill out your name and email address to enter the draw. As soon as the winners have been chosen, all names and addresses will be immediately and permanently erased. Winners will be notified by email. The giveaway closes Saturday at noon.

Note: If you are reading via RSS or email, you may need to click through to see the form.

Rob Bell Moves On - Mars Hill has just announced that Rob Bell will be leaving. “Feeling the call from God to pursue a growing number of strategic opportunities, our founding pastor Rob Bell, has decided to leave Mars Hill in order to devote his full energy to sharing the message of God's love with a broader audience.”

In-Vitro - This is quite an interesting article from Canada’s National Post. "What the IVF industry is doing is creating a population of sick babies ... that is impacting all society,"

What Cohabitation Does for Marriage - “But how wise of an idea is cohabitation? Is there a track record to examine? These are critical questions to ask because many millions of people are doing it and in dramatically increasing numbers. Well, the good news is we don’t have to wonder about strong, reliable answers to those questions.”

Sunday Matches - Great story! “Devout Christian Euan Murray has questioned the need for Rugby World Cup matches to be played on Sundays. The Glasgow-born prop, 31, has chosen to prioritise his faith this weekend, meaning he will miss Scotland’s Pool B clash with Argentina on Sunday.”

5 Internet Monitoring Approaches - Luke Gilkerson offers 5 approaches to monitoring Internet use in the family.

500 Years of Female Portraits - “‘500 Years Of Female Portraits In Western Art’ is intriguing in its ability to trace how representations of women have changed throughout art’s history. Watch as Johnson delicately weaves together famous portraits to show what traits and characterisitcs of the female figure have been deemed ‘ideal’ from epoch to epoch.” (HT:Phil Johnson)

He may look on death with joy who can look on forgiveness with faith. —Thomas Watson