A Question for the Single Folk
It is the evening before Valentine’s Day. Tomorrow will be marked by billions of pounds of chocolate being exchanged, countless millions of flowers (bought at marked-up prices) being passed between lovers, special deliveries of gifts of all shapes and sizes being received at offices and places of work, and endless amounts of cooing, cuddling and kissing. It is a day to celebrate love and romance. It is a good day.
And yet for some people it is a difficult day. It is a day that offers celebration to some while offering little or nothing to others. It is a day that discriminates against those who are single. I assume it is a day when singles feel their singleness more poignantly than any other day of the year.
I think of my single friends on Valentine’s Day. I wonder what they’re thinking. I wonder if it’s just another day for them or if it really is as difficult as we married people believe it is or must be. I’d like to say something to encourage them. But maybe they don’t need to be encouraged. Maybe they don’t want to be encouraged. Maybe having me even mention the words “Valentine’s Day” makes them miserable. Maybe they don’t think anything of Valentine’s Day and they’ll wonder why I even brought it up.
So I have a question for the single folk. What can we, the non-singles, do to serve you on Valentine’s Day? Is there anything we can do to make this day better for you? To make it special for you? Or should we proceed as if it’s business as usual? Is it best just to leave it alone? Are there some things that are good to say? What are some things we absolutely should not do or say?
I’d love to hear from you before I commit some horrible Valentine’s Day blunder. And even better, I’d love to hear from you so that I and others can honor and serve our single friends.
Comments (43) »
1. Grace M.
February 13, 2007
8:50 PM
I may be an irregularity, but I think one of the most refreshing things for me (a single person) to see on Valentines Day is married couples truly loving one another.
So, love your spouse with abandon this Valentines Day; love her openly so we can all see how much you cherish her.
~Grace
2. Robert L.
February 13, 2007
9:12 PM
As I was reading your post my first reaction is what I do on V-Day. I treat it like any other day, but I make sure I remember to call my mom. However, then I started to think about how I truly feel about the day and realized that I like nothing better than to see happy couples on that day (glad to see that I am not the only one after reading Grace’s comment). However, it is also a day when I think about my singleness and wish I had someone to celebrate the day with.
3. Angela
February 13, 2007
9:19 PM
The responses so far echo my exact sentiment about Valentine’s Day. It is hard when I hear married people talk begrudingly about the holiday and having to get their someone a gift. What a terrible thing to hear. There are many out there, me included, that would love to be married and to have someone to buy something for. So I agree, love your spouse with abandon and show us that this is something that you don’t take for granted!
Unrelated to this, (and not on Valentines Day of course) be sure to invite singles out and over to your house. It is much harder for singles to make connections in a new church. It is your responsibility as a married person to make the first move and invite them.
4. Peter J. Louie
February 13, 2007
9:22 PM
I agree with Grace. As a single male, it would be helpful for me to see husbands loving their wives unconditionally, as Christ loved the church.
I recognize that in a certain way, I am not complete with out a spouse. But yet, God is enough for me in this stage of life. (See the sermon “Is He Enough” by Josh Harris - Psalm 73, www.narel.org) It would be helpful if others would remind me of God’s faithfulness. I appreciate the older couples at church telling me how God put them together.
It is not too helpful when friends and relatives give un-needed pressure concerning what I am doing about my single status. I need some encouragement to grow up, but don’t assume you know all my circumstances… some of us are walking by faith.
Married couples, we appreciate your prayers!
5. Steve Dawe
February 13, 2007
9:36 PM
I’m going to support the advice Grace gave too. What causes me distress as a single person on Valentine’s day is the way it seems to support the culture’s skewed ideas on relationship and romance. The best response married Christians can give is to love each other in grace, and so reflect Christ’s love to the Church.
That gives single people like me something to think about other than “having somebody” as the culture asks, and instead look at the Glory of God reflected through the love my married Christian friends have for their spouses.
6. Frances
February 13, 2007
9:45 PM
I am going through very difficult times, yet I know that I am blessed and the Lord loves me. I am so blessed that I have two angels. One from above and my beautiful daughter . Holidays, Valentines are sad for me since I have been single for a very long time and feel lonely. My wish has been to receive flowers or a simple card saying I love you from a relationship. I ask God to forgive me for these thoughts since in reality I am blessed having such a beautiful daughter , both parents , brothers and nephews and health. We all have different blessings. For those who are married or have a relationship, enjoy every minute of it since you have that blessing. We all have different blessings. Tell them you love them and never take them for granted. Love them for who they are!
7. Kenny Archbold
February 13, 2007
9:48 PM
.Don’t worry about us. If we start to resent married people for celebrating something that may be the second most important thing in life worth celebrating (next to salvation) then it is we who are at fault. To loose confidence in God’s providence and grumble against Him is sin. If we are to walk right with God we celebrate with you and praise God for the gift He has given you and I praise God that He has provided such a wonderful thing as marriage. I do encourage all single people to continue to look to the Hand that provides and thank Him for whatever He gives or withholds. To walk with the Lord is to be joyful in whatever state He has placed you in for the simple reason that it is our loving and wise God that determines our life and He ALWAYS works ALL things for the good of His children. Ok.. I’m through ranting now, but I do appreciate your concern Tim
8. Alex Chediak
February 13, 2007
10:03 PM
What might be cool is for a bunch of single guys to surprise a bunch of single girls with something nice (ice cream, a group bowling outing, or an inexpensive dinner). And of course, the guys pay. Just a chance to show chivalry and to make them feel special (ideally, with no expectations for anything in return). My friends and I did this once when I was single, and it was a good, clean, fun time for all.
9. brett maxwell
February 13, 2007
10:05 PM
I’m a 22yo single guy that isn’t too thrilled with being single, but I still love seeing couples truly enjoying each other’s company on Valentine’s Day. My request would be to enjoy that person in the same way every day (no flowers required). Call me an idealist, but I want to believe that couples are often more in love than ever after many years.
Sometimes my married friends point out the advantages of being single; I want to tell them to shut-up, remember back to their single days, and ask themselves if their wife wasn’t truly the best thing that happened to them (aside from Jesus of course).
Enjoy your day, I just ask you don’t rub it in my face.
10. Jason Borah
February 13, 2007
10:25 PM
I wondered first if, when you were single on Valentine’s Eve, you thought a married person would or should extend an offer to honor and serve you, as a single person. Probably not, then. Same here, 15 minutes ago. It seems out of place on “your” day. So I feel patronized by the question, not because you’re not a good guy (you are) or because I’m cranky on V-Day (I’m not), but just because it’s a little out of place.
It’s like if I’m standing by myself in the lobby of my church after a service, and some overly-cheerful person comes up and asks me if anything’s wrong. Well of course not. It doesn’t bother me. They don’t know any better, but I wish I could tell them to analyze the situation better before they asked me if something was wrong. It’s not moral correction but methodological guidance.
I hope that doesn’t sound angry because it’s not. To answer your question though, you married folks can hook us single folks up with your other single friends! =) Because, if you stop to think about it (like you have and I haven’t until now)… Valentine’s Day is better if you have someone to celebrate it with.
God bless marriage and YOU guys for not getting divorced like the other 50% of evangelicals. God bless Piper’s video just posted today on the Wrath and Marriage. Thank God he communicates himself to us in small things (a redemptive sub-plot like I watched on TV tonight) and in big things (like marriage!).
This day is for you.
11. Amanda
February 13, 2007
10:25 PM
Personally, I won’t be doing anything to celebrate V-day. Then again, I also didn’t do anything to celebrate Christmas or New Year’s either, choosing instead to treat all days alike.
However, I do agree with pretty much everything that has been said so far. Please do demonstrate love and grace with your spouse. Show us with your actions what it means to have a God-honoring marriage. Treat (and talk about!) your spouse with respect and love. Please do invite us into your life and into your home.
On the other hand, please refrain from asking up if we have plans for V-day (unless, of course, we volunteer the information), if we’ve “met anyone yet,” or “why someone as nice/beautiful/handsome/godly as you isn’t married/dating yet!” Although I realize that such comments are probably meant well, they can be extremely hurtful and provide a strong temptation to the single person to sin in his or her heart.
12. Jamie
February 13, 2007
10:31 PM
I agree with many of the comments above that one of the best things as a single is to see two married people completely in love with each other.
I think one thing others can do is encourage us (as singles) -but even those who are married - take the time to love those who are around you. We know that we lovve to be loved, but I am sure there are a lot of people out there who are not shown that they are loved or cared for by others. I think it is a great opportunity as singles to use our singleness to spend time with other people who are single (like the widowed, elderly, lonely folks)
13. Mark
February 13, 2007
10:57 PM
“So I have a question for the single folk. What can we, the non-singles, do to serve you on Valentine’s Day?”
The answer is obvious. Forsake thy spouses and do something with us singles instead :) :)
All the other comments thus far have been so serious, I felt I had to say that. But, seriously… I don’t think you have to do anything, though a prayer never hurts. Overt efforts to “help” may backfire. They are better left for other days. And, besides, I suppose most of the Valentine’s Day angst (if I can call it that) that exists is probably more due to advertising and media than seeing real life friends being happy as couples.
The feeling many singles get on Valentine’s Day is a created “need”—created by society’s expectations and societies traditions. Due to conditioning, we feel different about our singleness on a day that is marked out to be about couples. Maybe it becomes somewhat of a crescendo in a general feeling of dissatisfaction. Probably the media/advertising/etc. helps to bring that out more pronouncedly. For people in certain circumstances, mother’s or father’s day and the related advertising frenzy can bring out somewhat different yet someone similar feelings.
In the same vein as what I’ve already said, non-single folks can’t really change that for the single one. They probably can’t make it better, but a wrong move could make it worse. I guess the best that can be done is to be careful to not do anything that will make it awkward or more difficult for them. Knowing exactly what that is and how to avoid it will take knowing the person and their temperment.
Its really all a matter of whats inside of our mind (as single people) and dealing with our feelings. We choose how we react to what we see and hear. We have to learn how to be content, as hard as it is. And that includes rejoicing for our non-single friends and brethren, and for the state they are in. You have done your job if you remember us in your prayers and make some attempt to be sensitive to the state we are in (and vice versa… its certainly not one way… as members of the body of Christ, we need to learn each others needs, sensitivities, etc.).
Hmm..I think I may have a date with the snow on my driveway tomorrow ;)
14. Courtney Tarter
February 14, 2007
12:01 AM
Thank you for this post. As a single woman, it is encouraging to see the body of Christ caring for others needs that are sometimes different than their own.
Though I have never really thought much about Valentines Day, (it really seems like just another day partly because I was raised by parents who told us every day should be Valentines Day if you are married) I do agree with Alex Chediak’s statement about single guys taking out their single girl friends in a group. My guy friends did that for us last year, and it was a great time.
Also, in recent years my dad has been sending me a Valentines Day card to remind me that he is my valentine until I get married. That has been an encouragement to me, and I am sure would be to many other daughters if their father’s did that.
15. kevina
February 14, 2007
12:38 AM
Perhaps the best way for marrieds to serve the singles on valentines day is to serve them throughout the rest of the year.
The marrieds can prepare the singles for being single on valentines day by teaching them a Biblical view of marriage and the family so that their hope in the Provider will make valentines day a day of glad anticipation with patience, rather than sad lamentation with impatience.
16. Melody
February 14, 2007
12:55 AM
I didn’t have any big plans for this Valentine’s day, so I decided to call up one of my married friends to see if she needed baby-sitting so that she could go out with her husband. It turns out that they didn’t really want to battle the crowds today and invited me over to share dinner with their family instead - which I really didn’t expect!
Of course, you don’t have to go that far to bless your single friends - it’s nice to know you are remembered with just a card or email. I also agree with the others who mentioned playing “match-maker” as a great way to help singles meet one another, but perhaps not on V-day itself. For me, having a married friend let me know that she is praying for my future marriage actually means the most!
17. Dan H.
February 14, 2007
3:42 AM
A few suggestions:
I agree with Grace’s comment: Married couples should exemplify biblical love and marriage to each other on Valentine’s Day as an example to singles as to what a biblical marriage and selfless love would be like.
Pray for men in general (especially in this generation and culture) to have boldness and to take initiative and leadership in relationships or the pursuit of relationships.
Pray for women to have humility (men need this also, but I’m referring more to humility of mind, criteria and motives in regards to selection of a companion). Many Christians may justify their reasoning with some valid answers, but at many times, some of the reasons may be prideful and selfish, even though that is not their intention.
I like John Piper’s criterion for spousal acquisition. He only had four criterion and it’s an interesting read.
On a different note, I noticed in your “Directory of Reformed Conferences” section of your website that you listed “Live-blogging” for the Resolved Conference 2007. I’m assuming this means you will be attending the conference. If so, I may just see you there. It’s always a blessing to meet fellow Christian bloggers in person.
Dan (T&Z)
18. B. Minich
February 14, 2007
5:13 AM
The last few Valentines days have been frustrating for me - I guess I notice more these days, and have a desire to be married. At 24, I ain’t getting any younger!
I think as everyone said - being in love yourself, but not rubbing it in to your single brothers and sisters. Its hard enough seeing heard advertisements - please don’t ask us if we have plans … as singles, we’d probably be estatic and tell you if we did. ;) Instead, tell us what you are doing (well, maybe only do this if we ask). I know I’m always taking notes for future, attached Valentines Days.
19. Patrick Chan
February 14, 2007
6:09 AM
Hey Tim,
As a single Christian male, perhaps you could serve me by hooking me up with a single Christian female! Just kidding.
To be honest, I’m grateful simply because you cared enough to ask about single Christians in the first place. So, thank you, Tim, for your humble and willing heart to serve others. :-)
patrick
20. James
February 14, 2007
7:55 AM
Wow. Are all the readers of this blog really that spiritual, or are there other people who are bitter and resentful toward happy couples because we don’t have anyone to love and be loved by?
21. Frank Martens
February 14, 2007
8:57 AM
Alex Chediak said… “What might be cool is for a bunch of single guys to surprise a bunch of single girls with something nice (ice cream, a group bowling outing, or an inexpensive dinner).”
I was just thinking about saying what he (Alex) said when just before I read it. A few of my guy friends and myself used to do this back in Arizona. I completely agree with Alex that this is a great opportunity to serve as single males: treat the single females! That means that even those who are in a dating or engaged relationship should participate as well.
Tim… I would like to see more married folk involved in the lives of single people and encouraging them, especially for Valentines day. I think married people (most specifically families) can (and should) play a critical role in our lives. I wish to encourage you (and your wife and family) to find single people in your church and encourage the young men to do events similar to what Alex mentioned above. And also to encourage the single women to allow the men serve them in such a manner :).
Grace & Peace.
22. Josh
February 14, 2007
9:13 AM
Good words Tim.
Josh “…the word of God is not bound.” —2 Timothy 2:9
23. Cap Stewart
February 14, 2007
9:51 AM
Actually, I think one of the best things married couples can do for us singles is to remind us that finding a spouse does not suddenly make life full and complete. I know discontent singles tend to bristle at that reminder, but let’s be honest: only married people have experienced life on both sides of the fence. And if godly married couples are adamant that our hope should rest fully on Christ and His all-sufficient grace (and not in another human being), shouldn’t we do more than stubbornly turn our ears away in an effort to hold on to our idolatrous desire for another human’s affections?
Tim, what I would like to see is a post where you explore some of the Biblical principles—and practical examples from your own experience—on the sufficiency of Christ for the (single) Christian. If marriage between a man and a woman is glorious, how much more glorious is the spiritual union between a believer and Christ? Human marriage, after all, is only a reflection of the true image that is the marriage of Christ to the church. And every believer (single, married, divorced, widowed, etc.) partakes of this blessed union. From a married person’s perspective, what would you say to us singles who are seeking, by God’s grace, to balance a God-intoxicated, Christ-exalting contentment with a godly desire for marriage (should it be the Lord’s will)?
24. Philippa
February 14, 2007
10:54 AM
Cap Stewart, I don’t believe it is idolatrous to desire love and affection from a wife or husband –God put that desire in our hearts. Yes, our good desires can become bent and idolatrous, and of course we can all have unrealistic expectations of marriage … who doesn’t???? But the basic desire to find our Adam (or Eve) is not being idolatrous. It’s a God-given impulse, because He created us as sexual beings and He created us to desire love and companionship. No man (or woman) is an island!
If marriage between a man and a woman is glorious, how much more glorious is the spiritual union between a believer and Christ?
Well, the spiritual union between Christ and a believer applies just as much to a married person as it does to a single person. Are you saying there is something particularly holy and exalted about the single state over the married state? Aren’t all disciples of Christ called to follow our Lord 100%, regardless of our marital status? Are married people let off the hook of surrender to Christ because they are joined in earthly union to an imperfect fellow traveller? I don’t think so. :)
Couples and singles alike must battle discontentment and frustration, on all sorts of levels. But singleness per se does not convey some special grace that marriage does not.
The majority of Christian singles in today’s church are single by default, not by design. There are probably a few – a very few – Christians who definitely feel called to a life of ‘consecrated’, celibate sexuality because they want to serve God 100% without the distractions of marriage. Such people most likely fit a) what Jesus says in Matthew 19: 12, renouncing marriage because of the kingdom of heaven, and b) St Paul’s criteria in 1 Corinthians 7: 32-25.
But I suspect that such men and women, with a clear and determined vocation to serve God as single people, are rare. As other people have been pointing out recently, the chronic singleness in today’s church is caused by a host of cultural factors. What it is not is a mass movement of people who suddenly feel called to singleness because they are all so very holy.
I don’t think I could stomach a ‘contentment with singleness’ sermon from a married person, particularly if they have been married a long time. However, a married person who is pastorally wise and aware and remembers just how tough it can be for Christian singles, especially when it comes to living without sex … they’re welcome to give it a shot. ;)
I struggle deeply to find “God-intoxicated, Christ-exalting contentment.” Being single does not guarantee a greater walk in holiness. No way. Of course, the need to find “God-intoxicated, Christ-exalting contentment”, the need to make God our all in all, would apply just as much as I were married! And maybe I would experience a deeper level of sanctification if I were married as I would then be living for someone else and not just myself. But please don’t think that being single somehow magically guarantees a closer walk with the Lord. It doesn’t.
Tim, thanks for your post! I don’t mind Valentine’s Day, actually. If anything, I tend to tune it out. I don’t begrudge happy couples their red roses, but to me it’s just another day.
25. Cap Stewart
February 14, 2007
11:28 AM
Philippa,
Maybe I didn’t explain myself well. I agree that a single person can desire marriage for the glory of God and not in an idolatrous manner. That wasn’t my point. The point was, when singles turn a deaf ear to such godly counsel as, “Don’t place your hope for joy and satisfaction in a spouse because your sufficiency is in Christ alone,” it could very well be because they have made marriage an idol. What’s wrong is not wanting marriage, it’s wanting marriage too much.
And no, I am not saying that there is something particularly holy and exalted about the single state over the married state. I’m not sure where you think I inferred that…
26. Philippa
February 14, 2007
12:07 PM
Cap,
Thanks for your reply. :) And thank you so much for spelling my name correctly. ;)
And no, I am not saying that there is something particularly holy and exalted about the single state over the married state. I’m not sure where you think I inferred that…
I wasn’t intending to put words in your mouth. I hate it when another person in cyberspace does that, so my apologies!
But I did kind of infer it, I guess, from what you said here: If marriage between a man and a woman is glorious, how much more glorious is the spiritual union between a believer and Christ?
Yes, that is glorious and this side of heaven it can scarcely be imagined … although the Holy Spirit can give us tasters of it.
I think we should beware of ‘super-spiritualising’ singleness though. The vast majority of men and women deeply desire love and companionship, and I don’t believe a good and generous God withholds those things just to make His people jump through religious hoops. :)
27. Betsy
February 14, 2007
12:09 PM
Thank you for asking!
While Valentine’s Day is not particularly hard for me as a single person, being single in general is far harder than most of those who marry early probably imagine.
The best thing my married friends can do is to pray for us. Pray that God will bring spouses to those who desire them, and pray for grace to to keep going if he doesn’t.
The second thing they can do is to evangelize and disciple godly men. The dearth of strong single males is not the cause of singleness (I do believe in the sovereignty of God), but the single men out there are those who will one day be representing the role of Christ to the church, and they need to be taught how to live for someone else.
28. Jessica
February 14, 2007
12:26 PM
Great, God-honoring comments here. I would only add that if, as a married person, there are single people in your life that you appreciate, tell them. One of the difficulties I never anticipated about remaing single (still waiting with hope) is how long I sometimes go without words of affection.
You don’t have to give up your romantic evening as a couple to write a short note of appreciation or encouragement to a single person in your life. It is such a blessing to know that people love you and appreciate your service. A sense of community can be wonderfully sustaining in times of lonliness.
I recently got a note from a family in our church that just said “Thank you for loving our children. You are so dear to our family.” What a gift!
Tim, as others have said, thanks for thinking of us. It is an encouragement to know we are not forgotten.
29. Peter O
February 14, 2007
12:36 PM
I’m married now, but when I was single I organised an “anti-valentines” party with some friends - singles only. We spun some tunes, ate pizza and then prayed for each other, that God would bring us spouses. It was really fantastic and a great time was had by all. When some of our married friends heard about it they wished they’d been there.
30. Michael
February 14, 2007
1:17 PM
When I was single, we (about 15 or so of the guys at my church) would take about the same number of girls out for a very nice, all expenses paid dinner and really treat the girls to a good time (guys, here this: we spent generously on them – anywhere from $40-100 per guy depending on what could be spent – and we did this without any expectations). We would go all out and it always meant a lot to them. Most of the girls would really look forward to the dinner as Valentines Day approached and it was no longer a dreaded holiday to them.
31. Angela
February 14, 2007
1:34 PM
I would like to just clarify my comment. While it can be nice to be introduced to someone, my main purpose for a married couple to invite over a single is that they could get to know each other better and the single could have a broader range of people in their lives than just singles. It has been so beneficial to visit the houses of married couples I know, and to know that it is for friendship and not to set me up with anyone. These relationships have been invaluable to me!
32. Rosemarie
February 14, 2007
1:36 PM
I found this quite by accident and though I seldom post comments on blogs, I feel compelled to do so. I am single and always have been. I would like to say that I am middle-aged but that would be assuming I am living into my hundreds. I think I will settle for older or mature… Being single isn’t bad on Valentines Day until someone feels sorry for me and I think.. wow.. I am pathetic, aren’t I? That’s true of every day though. On a good day when someone asks me why I haven’t married I say something clever like “I am an unclaimed treasure, it’s seems God wants to keep me for Himself.” I say the same things on bad days, but inside I am screaming “Because nobody wanted me, thanks for reminding me of that you moron!” Ok, that was a bit tongue-in-cheek. I have a wicked sense of humor. Now I will be serious. Adam had sinless communion with God, yet God saw that it wasn’t good for man to be alone. Loneliness is not the curse of the single man or woman and doesn’t just find folks on holidays. It’s a 365 day a year problem. Married folks are cursed with it too. It isn’t being without a spouse that I find objectionable on Valentines Day or any other day. It is isolaton. One of your posters recommended married folks include single friends in activities. I wholeheartedly agree. Please don’t see that as your opportunity to set us up, either. Just give us the opportunity to fellowship with you. The scariest part about being single is that it is all about me, all day long and every day of the year. I don’t have to compromise, I don’t have to negotiate. If I am not going to be entirely and sinfully self-focused, I need people and friends in my life to give me opportunities to serve. Include me in your life and I’ll have those opportunities. I may even watch your kids on Valentines Day so you can go out on a date with your wife. Though I warn you, your chances are better if they are potty trained .
33. Michele B
February 14, 2007
3:15 PM
Tim,
I linked in from Lydia’s blog today. Although I enjoy reading, I rarely comment on any blogs. But your gracious request here is touching. This is a difficult day for singles who wish to be married. I know, particularly this year, that my own reactions to this holiday (anger, frustration, depression, etc) reveal idolatry in my own heart. Like any trial—it can be used by the Lord to refine us.
So, if my married friends wanted to serve me today—they could give me a great big hug and then ask what the Lord is teaching me through Valentine’s Day.
34. Alex Moore
February 14, 2007
4:26 PM
I think there is something to be said about many of the benefits of the single lifestyle, and if any emphasis ought to be placed anywhere, it should be on the joys of living single.
Fundamentalists might argue that marriage is part of God’s plan (which it is) and so singles are second-class citizens, or are not fully complete, or that there is an aspect of Christianity or God’s identity that they miss out on because they don’t have a life partner.
And so, in asking the single folk out there if there is anything we can do to wash their feet… I would be more concerned about coming across arrogantly. I would argue that we ought not talk about it— not because the supposed pain that singles may feel is just too intense and they don’t want to be reminded of how miserable it is to be single, but rather, and I must emphasize, THERE IS A BIGGER ISSUE HERE TO BE ADDRESSED.
Here is a good principle to go by: One ought to be content being single before they consider finding a partner. In this light, there are a lot of singles who are living far more gratifying, spiritual lives than the married people out there. While you can argue that it is good and Godly to marry, it can be destructive to marry under the wrong pretenses.
The question is in the air whether a married person implying that a single person is in some way inferior could possibly be indicative of a plank in one’s eye. I think I know my answer to that one.
35. Jenn
February 14, 2007
5:22 PM
I dread Valentines Day. Although being single has its good sides, I’d love to be married. What the married could do for the singles is just provide fellowship and friendship. Although in Christ, we still experience human emotion lol ;) So, just think of them, fellowship with them, and be a good friend. And encourage us!
36. Jacob
February 14, 2007
5:25 PM
I’m a single who sees it as another day, but understands that it can mean a lot more for other people. Honestly, I hope to be one of those people next year (you never know!), but I am content. I think the biggest help that non-singles can be to singles on V-Day is to mentor them the other 364 days out of the year.
37. KB
February 14, 2007
6:39 PM
I like Carolyn McCulley’s name for the day: National Singles Awareness Day.
Seriously, though, in my family we give each other cards, single or not, and just use it as another way to enrich relationships and love one another. We don’t treat it as being exclusively for romantic love.
One of the really nice things married folks have done is (this happened at work) bring in brownies or candies or some such for everyone. That way the singles are getting something too, but it’s not just them being singled out.
While I’m not terribly sensitive to the day, there are a number of folks who are, and if you want to be fair, some will be sensitive no matter what you do or don’t do.
38. Andrea Ritze
February 14, 2007
11:53 PM
My request involves the sermon series on marriage.
I would ask the pastors in the midwestern United States: Please limit the Sunday morning sermon series on marriage to every other year (instead of yearly). And please, please limit the Sunday morning marriage sermon series to 4 weeks (instead of the typical 8 to 12 weeks).
Even though I am a single female (age 39), I know more about marriage issues than some married people because, beginning in the late 1980s, many of our local churches began frequent sermon series on marriage. Then in the 1990s, local churches began to specialize their sermons and most programming toward marriage and parenting issues. These “sermons” were often based on secular psychology and self-help approaches.
As a result, for too many Sundays out of too many years, Jesus Christ did not have first place in his own worship service at his own churches.
I would ask pastors for sermon series that would benefit spiritually people of any age-group, for example: the person and work of Jesus Christ the person and work of the Holy Spirit the attributes of God
If more pastors would train their people (of all age-groups) in Christ-likeness, I believe the Holy Spirit would produce much fruit, including blessed marriages and families.
“Sir, we wish to see Jesus!” (John 12:21)
39. Danielle
February 15, 2007
2:15 AM
I find Valentine’s Day to be, well, not hard, but a very-present reminder of the fact that I’m heading towards late twenties and not married. The fact that you even remembered singles on Valentine’s Day, however, is blessing enough. Perhaps you could just pray for our men :).
40. Natasha
February 15, 2007
12:05 PM
Alex C. & Frank M.,
I think your ideas are great! As a young single female I would love it if the guys in my church did something like that! One thing that I would prefer to have stressed in that case, though, is that the dinner, etc., isn’t a matchmaking event. If the point of the dinner or whatever was just to get to know and enjoy the company of other Christian young people on a special holiday, then I would jump at the chance. If the event was portrayed as a “matchmaking” or “singles” event, then I would find it really awkward to go. (You’d know that assumptions would be made about being “in the market” or “desperate”, to put it plainly)
Natasha
41. Frank Martens
February 15, 2007
12:34 PM
Natasha :)
That is why Alex said… “Just a chance to show chivalry and to make them feel special (ideally, with no expectations for anything in return).”
And yes you are right… it’s vital that it be communicated that the event is not ment for match making, but rather a time of fellowship, encouragement and friendship with each other.
42. angela
February 15, 2007
1:55 PM
I had a bunch of friends over for dinner, very last minute. But we made a stepped-up menu (you can see it on my blog) and it was fun to cook together. It wasn’t intended as a matchmaking dinner, just a time of fellowship. If I get married, I’ll probably keep doing that in a casual way with single friends — having them over on Valentine’s Day. I realised at midnight when a small group of usually introverted people were still happily chatting and wide awake that if they weren’t over here at dinner, they might have gone home after work and just…been alone. Most introverts love being alone, but as much as the day is commercialised, if you’re single it is nice to have company because even the most devout single Christian isn’t immune to seeing couples all around them suddenly pop up at corner flower shops and the grocery.
I also echo that the best part of the day is seeing people actually show love. I also adore that all my Christian friends sent around messages about God’s love, and not only worldly love. Any day that is an excuse to do that is fine with me, single or married.
43. kacey temple
February 15, 2007
11:23 PM
as i was reading this i thought that i would only be reading posts by single christian women, boy was i suprised!
SAD aka~ Single Awarness Day, as i so lovingly refer to it. was just another day for me. i woke up talked to my mom and stared my day. ran my errands and wish people i know a happy single awarness day. yes this may rub it in deeper in my heart but as my mom pointed out, i am not single! physically, yes i dont have a man by my side to help lead me, but i have Christ. WOW how “chuchy” of me. but at the end of the day i know it was just another day and that i am still loved, no matter my status, by Christ!
if you want to do something for singletons, just tell us how much we mean to you!
Kacey
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