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04/21/08
Comments (21)

Hearing and Heeding God's Word

Raising children isn’t nearly as easy as my parents made it look. Somehow, when I was a kid, I never really considered that my parents had a tough job to do. Though they had five children, and though we kept them pretty active, I guess it never occurred to me that it was a difficult and demanding task to raise us—not only to keep us fed and clothed, but to train us to be productive members of society, to train us to love one another and, more importantly, to teach us to love the Lord. They succeeded admirably in all of those tasks. They made it look easy, at least from my perspective as one of the kids. But eight years of parenting has shown me that it really is not easy at all. Raising children is a trial; it is a constant battle. It has its moments of great joy, of course. But it is a task that requires constant vigilance and great consistency.

One trial we’ve encountered again and again is in having our children obey us obediently. We want our children to obey us well. We do not want to have children to huff and puff and roll their eyes and stamp their feet even when they do what we ask of them. We do not want children who obey in body while their hearts are filled with rebellion and hatred of authority. Yet somehow this seems to be their natural tendency.

The issue of authority is a tough one even for adults. A few weeks ago my friend, my son and I went to the home opener for the Toronto Blue Jays. It turned out to be kind of a rowdy game with people running onto the field and others getting dragged out of the stands due to poor behavior. At one point, just a section over from us, a man was hauled out by the police. As soon as an officer showed up the crowd started chanting, “Let him stay! Let him stay!” They jeered at the officer and at the security guards. They laughed at the authorities, threw things at them, and did all they could to mock and belittle them. Their hatred of authority was tangible; it was alarming for those of us who remained sober and who, with our senses about us, knew that only authority holds off the utter breakdown of society. Our human sinfulness causes our hearts to rebel at the first sign of authority. So often we obey only with great reluctance and with our hearts in utter rebellion.

After yet another episode yesterday, where one of my children obeyed with great reluctance and a great show of disgust, I began to think about this heart of rebellion. I began to think about my own sin and about whether I really do any better than they do. My mind skipped around from sin to sin—those sins that continue to plague my life. I thought of one in particular and quickly saw my own reluctance to obey God in what He says I need to do about it. His commands are clear. I need to repent of that sin, I need to forsake that sin, and I need to love obedience more than that sin. It is only when I learn to love God and His commands more than I love that sin that I will be freed from it.

But I’m like a kid. I like that sin and I hate the authority that places itself over me and tells me to let that sin go. I roll my eyes, I grind my teeth, and I feel my heart rebel. In my heart I tell God that I’d rather sin than obey Him; I effectively tell Him that right now I’d rather have my sin than have Him. This sin is more important to me than my relationship with the Creator of the universe. Oh, I love that sin so much.

So I guess I’m not too different from my children. The remedy they need is the same one I need. Like me, they need to see that authority is given to us as a gracious gift from God. They need to learn to honor authority and to see it as something given to restrain us rather than annoy us. And they need to honor that authority and to obey it joyfully, willingly, immediately and with a joyful heart. This is what I need to do with my sin—I need to hear and heed God’s Word. And this is what they need to do with their sin—hear and heed my words as I seek to teach them what God would have them do.

It seems that God’s job in training me is at least as difficult as mine in training my children.

Hearing and Heeding God's Word

Comments (21) »


1. Lance
April 21, 2008
10:32 AM

Me too.

Parenting has taught me more about my stubborn heart than anything else.

The moment I begin to ask why my kids cannot obey simple commands is the moment I sense the Spirit asking the same questions of me.


2. Andy Wood
April 21, 2008
10:45 AM

I thought I knew how selfish I was. Then I got married.

Having adjusted somewhat to this new realization, I thought I knew how selfish I was.

Then I had (twin) children.

Commenting on that often-repeated excuse parents make about their babies, “He’s just tired,” I head John MacArthur say once, “He’s not tired - he’s DEPRAVED.”

Paul spoke in Galatians about the law being a “schoomaster” (we don’t have a good translation of that word. The schoolmaster was a teacher, disciplinarian, and life manager for parents in that culture. Children grow up under a similar reality. The transformation for them (and us before Christ) lies in a word you hinted at:

“Like me, they need to see that authority is given to us as a gracious gift from God. They need to learn to honor authority and to see it as something given to restrain us rather than annoy us.”

The key is faith. The degree to which I trust Christ is the degree to which I will LOVINGLY submit to and honor His authority. And the degree to which my children trusted their parents reflected the degree to which they WILLINGLY honored the authority we brought to their lives.

Thanks for your insights.


3. Rick
April 21, 2008
12:11 PM

One thing I thought about this morning was Jesus’ teaching on the disciples coming to Jesus as little children. Often times, when I grew up, the idea of being a “grown-up” was that I didn’t have to be told what to do; I would know it all. But when I’m cleaving my life to the image of Jesus in relationship with God the Father, I’m trusting in the perfect obedience of Jesus on my behalf, Jesus’ obedience from babyhood to the adulthood of the cross.

By cleaving my life to the image of Jesus in step with the Father, I’m also learning to live like a little child in the image of Jesus. I’m coming to Jesus like a little child. I don’t assume how to prepare myself in such a way that I cannot fail before God and before people. Rather, I come to God as basically a naive kid; I come to God claiming that I know nothing. And as I put my child-like hand to my Father’s hand, I’m telling Him, “I don’t know what to do; lead me along the way.”


4. Stan
April 21, 2008
12:31 PM

Tim,

I have a question that will probably be somewhat turbulent here, but I ask it because I am legitimately seeking a biblical answer. You say that God is bringing sin to your mind that you need to repent of, but you love your particular sin more than you love your Creator. Upon what grounds do you think that you are actually saved, if you do not make war against your sin, seeking to mortify it?

I listened to Sproul’s T4G sermon this morning and at the end he made a plea to those who are under God’s anathema because they have not repented of sin, believing that they are saved because everything has been taken care of.

Also, this morning I was reading 2 Peter 2 and at the end it states:

19They promise them freedom, but they themselves are slaves of corruption. For whatever overcomes a person, to that he is enslaved. 20For if, after they have escaped the defilements of the world through the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the last state has become worse for them than the first. 21For it would have been better for them never to have known the way of righteousness than after knowing it to turn back from the holy commandment delivered to them. 22What the true proverb says has happened to them: “The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire.”

Also, I have listened to Piper’s sermon series on Romans 7:14-25 (Who is the divided man?) and his assessment is that indwelling sin is to be warred against, not coddled.

If you know God is dealing with you, but you don’t fight the sin but make excuses for it, upon what grounds to you stand to claim you are saved?

I’m not trying to be a jerk with this question; I desire genuine answers to this question.

Thanks, Stan


5. Kim in ON
April 21, 2008
12:44 PM

I have three teenagers, 13, 16, and 18. This comment you made:

So I guess I’m not too different from my children.

is a very wise obsesrvation on your part. It’s the thing I have had to remember most in dealing with our teenagers.

Many moons ago, popular parenting course communicated the message that if we just get our children to be obedient by the time they are twelve years old, we would have worry-free teenage years.

Not.

Remembering who we are before God is the only way to find mercy when our kids do things that rock our world.


6. Boaly
April 21, 2008
1:24 PM

Yep, I’ve a one year old and I see so much of my own stubborness reflected back to me, even in such a young age.


7. Tim Challies
April 21, 2008
2:45 PM

Upon what grounds do you think that you are actually saved, if you do not make war against your sin, seeking to mortify it?

Grace. I do wage war against my sin, but have to conclude when I see sins that I continue to do, that I love them a whole lot. Generally I pursue sin and, with the Spirit’s help, seek to root it out. But sin always remains.


8. donsands
April 21, 2008
2:54 PM

“Oh, I love that sin so much.”

But don’t you hate that you love it? I do.

When I resent someone, and the Holy Spirit reminds me of His truth, I hate that I resent. I hate that a root of bitterness will not die, even tough the root has deminished it stays buried in the heart.

I hate that I don’t love all my neighbors as myself. I hate that I fail to carry my cross as I should, and deny myself completely of things I want.

And yet God works in me to will and to do. he has promised, and He will do it.

Jerry Bridges says, ” ..the Holy Spirit works in us to enable us to live lives pleasing to God. He does not do the work for us; rather, He enables us to do the work. … We are the ones who love. .. But we do this in utter dependence on Him who gives us strength. … Why doesn’t the Holy Spirit always strengthen us? ..He may be letting us see our sinfulness of our own hearts. Or He may be causing us to realize how weak we are in ourselves and how dependent on Him we really are. Perhaps He is curbing a tendency toward spiritual pride and causing us to grow in humility. Whatever the reason, which we may never know, our responsibility is to utterly depend on Him. He sovereignly and with infinite wisdom determines how best to respond to our dependence.”


9. Dan Hagan
April 21, 2008
3:10 PM

Tim,

I have a 15 year old daughter that has the mind of a physicist and the negotiating skills of a $1000/Hr attorney. She’s the apple of my eye and I love her more than life itself !!!

In other words my friend… You ain’t seen nothin yet!!!!

;—)

Dan…


10. Mrs. J.D.Darr
April 21, 2008
5:29 PM

Tim, Excellent post…our struggle is proof of our sonship…the unredeemed see no such conflict, only with what is socially unacceptable. At times I love my sin more that I love God, otherwise I would not sin. Other times, fewer times, I love God more than my sin. When St. Paul called himself the “chief of sinners”, he was NOT using a hyperbole.

God bless us on our struggle!


11. JoJo Buckley
April 21, 2008
5:31 PM

Dear Tim:

You said, “We do not want to have children to huff and puff and roll their eyes and stamp their feet even when they do what we ask of them.” Why not? They’re kids :-). Your kids are young. Like Dan said, “you ain’t seen nothing yet.” As a Mom of three kids I don’t look at my kids negatively when they act like that because they are young and are just acting their age.

I don’t mean this negatively, but maybe you should give your wife a break from the kis for a few days, spend some nonstop time taking care of all your kids, and then write this article again with maybe a fresh perspective. I think you will discover that those things you mentioned about them in this article aren’t that big of a deal at all.

Thanks JoJo


12. Barbara
April 21, 2008
7:23 PM

To me this is why the Christian gospel rings TRUE. What other system of beliefs convicts the conscience so properly and effectively? Oh there is plenty of false guilt out there…I’m currently reading “Escape” by Carolyn Jessup about her life in the polygamous FLDS cult. No shortage of rules and ramifications for the breaking of them; but no call for true heart repentance, no solution for the sin-sick soul. Just external acquiescence to whatever fiat their “prophet” issued for that day.

How thorough of the Lord to peel back the surface behaviors to reveal the heart. How complete, how painful, and how totally redemptive of Him.


13. Zier
April 21, 2008
8:04 PM

Tim, You said “One trial we’ve encountered again and again is in having our children obey us obediently.”

That made my husband and I laugh till tears came out. If only we could get the kids to understand that :) Great article today!

To JoJo, Please pray about your response, at what point does God look down on our defiance (aka SIN) and excuse it with a “they are just acting there age”. We need to train there hearts, The bible says so, its our job. If we don’t that “age” never gets better.


14. Matthew Dalton
April 21, 2008
8:48 PM

You mean they don’t just naturally learn to obey? You mean my two year old is not just going to figure it out?

First off, the quote by MacArthur was CLASSIC! Realizing that is a HUGE step in parenting!

Great post, Tim. My wife and I have a 2 year old little girl, and just found out we have #2 on the way. The love I feel for these kids is something that only parents can understand. And, like you, one of the things my wife and I talk and pray about most with our daughter is obedience. And, like you, one of the things that was birthed out of those talks was the realization that our own obedience to the Lord is vital to our kids developing the same. It is a battle that we fight daily. I have not yet arrived at perfection, yet I’m striving to root out sin in all areas of life.

And one thing that is continually coming up in our conversations is how parenting gives us a glimpse, however small, of how the Father views and deals with us. My desire is to model the Father’s heart for His kids in how I deal with mine.


15. Jeri
April 21, 2008
9:13 PM

Yes, parenting is a tough but sanctifying gig! I’m thankful for the tender mercies of our gracious God in rearing our children. We do learn so much about ourselves, and about our heavenly Father, too. I think one of the biggest things we ultimately can model and impart to our children is to never become complacent about sin.

On hearing and heeding your words as you teach them…knowing your love for the book, I’m sure you employ Proverbs in your arsenal of teaching!! What a model for us, especially the first chapters.


16. Larry Gross
April 21, 2008
11:10 PM

What an honest post. Thanks for sharing your heart Tim. As many have echoed here already, this will resonate with anyone who has children. I have a 4 year old and an 18 month old and I love them dearly, but every day we face the consistent struggle of teaching obedience. Some days my wife and I are very patient and loving and share the Gospel while in the conflict with love… other times we just snap and expect immediate compliance with no grace. Most of the time - we fall somewhere in between.

Aren’t we all thankful that although our children are an object lesson from God of our own rebellious nature that our heavenly Father never strays from grace. Grace to flatly tell us we’re wrong because we need to hear it (He loves us after all). Grace to shower love on us when we feel like running from Him (or, dare I say it, shake our fists at Him). Grace that never ends and never forsakes, but never excuses our sin. Grace that patiently draws us ever nearer and conforms us more and more into the image of the Son.

Parenting is two object lessons in one - it reveals our rebellion and desire to “go our own way” and it reveals how much unlike Him we are as parents and how desperately we need Him in order to be better parents.


17. Craig Ervin
April 22, 2008
8:45 AM

I thought of this text in Mat. 21 when I read your blog today: 28 “But what do you think? A man had two sons, and he came to the first and said, ‘Son, go work today in the vineyard.’ 29 “And he answered and said, ‘I will, sir’; and he did not go. 30 “And he came to the second and said the same thing. But he answered and said, ‘I will not’; yet he afterward regretted it and went. 31 “Which of the two did the will of his father?” They said^, “The latter.” Jesus said^ to them, “Truly I say to you that the tax-gatherers and harlots will get into the kingdom of God before you.

Teach children to obey authority. The Lord will deal with their heart.


18. matthew woodside
April 22, 2008
2:25 PM

Those that know where Tim stands theologically, know that he clearly articulates redemption found in Christ alone by grace alone established and upheld by Christ alone. Thus, the question of how does Tim know that he is “saved” is uninformed of the theology Tim and other Reformed brothers articulate. Tim’s response was profound in that he simply said “grace” was the basis for his salvation.

To the idea of warring against the flesh: That is just the struggle of the Christian life of being still in this shell. We love Christ and delight in His law, but yet there are times when we thirst after what our flesh wants. Thus we have to crucify the flesh and make no provision for it. This is simply what Christians have for years dealt with in sanctification . This is nothing new and Tim simply articulated the ongoing struggle of every redeemed sinner, typified by Paul in Rom 7, etc.

And the idea of children obeying both in their heart and in their actions: That is where we all want our children to be. We want their motivation and their actions to align with their commitment to Christ and to His law. As to the teaching of Jesus about the one son who said he would not obey, but did, and then the one who said he would, and then did not: Jesus does not say that the heart and the motive does not matter. His entire Sermon on the Mt addressed that outward obedience was never an excuse for or preferred to inward delight to God’s law. They are both supposed to be there. In fact it is not just adultery but lust, not just murder but hate, and so on.

That’s what I want for my children, my students and the people I pastor: Inward delight and outward observance.


19. Stan
April 22, 2008
3:03 PM

Thank you, Matthew. I was uninformed. That is why I asked the question. I thought that was clear when I stated the following:

“I’m not trying to be a jerk with this question; I desire genuine answers to this question.”


20. matthew woodside
April 22, 2008
7:57 PM

Stan,

You are welcome. Glad I could help.


21. Mike Fenton
April 23, 2008
7:09 PM

JoJo, Surely, you never set aside time for you and your husband to teach your children to show disrespect, selfishness and to rebel against your authority. I don’t know about your kids, but mine all learned to say “no!” when given a directive, “mine!” when grabbing something which belonged to another, all without our assistance. Our babies are indeed precious to us, but let’s recognize they are little sinners with a bent toward satisfying self above all, just like us big folk. They need a heart change which must be wrought by the Spirit. May God bless you in your efforts to train up your children.