Unnatural
My son is three years old and has recently begun to become aware of the existence of death. At only three he has far greater capacity to wonder and to ask questions than he does to understand. This makes it difficult and as his father I struggle to try to share with him what death is and how something so terrifying and so final can be made an occasion of wondrous joy.
Today while my wife was at a Bible study, Nick and I settled down to watch a movie. It was a children’s movie and at the end one of the central characters died. I watched Nick as this event unfolded. I could see his face fall and his eyes narrow as the character died. I saw tears form as he watched the loved ones gather around their fallen friend. He turned to me and with tears spilling down his cheeks sobbed, “Daddy, why did he have to die? When is he going to come alive again?” I pulled him to my lap and reminded him of heaven and told him that people who love God go to heaven when they die. I told him how heaven is a place where there is no more death, no more fighting and no more sadness. I told him that it is a place where we can always be with God and where boys and their daddies can be together forever. He tried so hard to understand, but how is a three-year old mind supposed to understand a concept as large and as unnatural as death?
And so we sat on the couch and we wept together. Nicky put his head in my lap and cried about something he could not understand and something he was not created to understand. Daddy stroked his hair and wept for this world – a world which was created for us to live in for all eternity with our Maker, but a world that has been defiled by death. I wept that a three-year old needs to concern himself with death; with things he cannot and should not understand.
I asked Nicky if I could pray with him and wiping the tears from his cheeks he said “yes” and closed his eyes. So I asked God if he would help Nicky understand that death is not something to be feared if we love Him. I asked Him to help Nick learn to love Him more and more. And of course I asked Him to give Nicky peace so that his young mind wouldn’t be troubled by concepts too difficult for him to understand.
I wish I could explain to my son about the death of death accomplished through the death of Christ. I wish I could make him understand that if he places his trust in Jesus he has nothing to fear in life or in death. I hope, I trust, I pray that such an understanding will come in due time, so that when someday Nick’s eyes close in death, he and I will be reunited in that place where death shall be no more, where there will be no more mourning, pain or sorrow and where God will have already wiped away the tears that filled his little eyes.
Comments (4) »
1. Cheri
February 21, 2004
8:06 PM
Tim, that was such beautiful writing, probably the best I have read from you so far. I can only begin to imagine the moments you and Nick spent today, the bonding, sharing and emotions. So much in this world is so hard to explain to our children in a way they will comprehend at their significant ages. Jesus truly is the only answer we can comfort our children with. Joseph shares with me even at his age, the concerns he has for when the time may come that I am not here on earth with him. I ache for the hurt I know he will experience when that time does come, however I have shared with him at great lengths the reasons we are here on earth and that we go to our ultimate homes with God and how beautiful that will be for us and how safe and happy we will be when we meet our Maker. This was so truly beautiful. This piece will touch many hearts. Wow.
2. Doug
February 22, 2004
1:30 AM
Tim, I accecpted Christ as my savior when I was only four years old. I spent years after that wondering if it really “counted”. I was so young, I thought that maybe I didn’t have all of the info needed to make such a choice, and ended up “re-doing” the prayer many times just to be sure.
What are your thoughts of this matter? I believe the original prayer counted, but there was always that nagging thought in the back of my mind.
Just curious, Doug.
p.s. Father to father, that is some wonderful parenting you just described!
Psalm 78:5-8
3. Tim
February 23, 2004
10:19 AM
Doug,
Yes, I believe that a four-year old can make a genuine committment to Christ. In my mind there is no reason to think that a young child cannot do this. If the committment is real it will be further proven later in life, of course.
4. Jeanne
May 16, 2004
3:59 PM
Tim, You are going to have some very exciting times as your children grow up! They will have so many insights and words of wisdom that will “blow your mind”. True, explaining death can be very tearful, but there will be times they’ll comfort you. My father had been in intensive care for a month, having alternating days of good and bad that put me on an emotional roller coaster. The night he died my husband and I came home and gathered with our kids in a tight circle to tell them that Grandpa had died and was in heaven. As soon as we walked in the door our youngest girl, 7 years old, ran up and exclaimed that she knew Grandpa had died and was going to heaven because she had seen him. He had come to her (in a white light), smiling & happy, put his hand on her head and (without speaking) told her good-bye. While we were trying to get her to calm down because the older 10 year old daughter wanted to talk to us, the younger said a naughty word to her older sister who replied, “You better watch out! Grandpa is in heaven and maybe he can hear you say that!” Little sister replied, “I know that. But, God is always watching me too and he still loves me!” Later, I could only smile and have happiness in my heart when I saw the two of them run off hand-in-hand, the younger telling her sister, “You just keep watching and maybe you’ll see him too!”
The next day when my family gathered to make funeral arrangements, my younger brother groaned, “Dad will be able to see every crazy thing I do now!”, so I was able to give him the words of a little child. Amazingly, not long after that our minister gave a sermon on death and explained that he just couldn’t imagine how heaven could be such a happy place if we could look down and see the suffering of the loved ones we left behind. So, I don’t think Dad is watching for all the mistakes we make, but boy oh boy, God is.
Jeanne
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