A.W. Tozer is a man whose ministry has fascinated me. A man who held closely to biblical, Protestant theology, he was also a man who loved the old Catholic mystics. He had little formal education, yet had the ability to hold the most educated of men and women at rapt attention. He had a single-minded devotion to Christ and the highest respect for the Scriptures. Reading A Passion for God has only increased my fascination with him, for here we see more strange and seemingly irreconcilable opposites. Biographer Lyle Dorsett has written a study of the man that deals as honestly with his faults as with the areas that are laudable. And in this case the faults are almost shocking.
Tozer was a man who loved Scripture and loved nothing more than preaching its truths to all who would listen. “A.W. Tozer heralded biblical truth. He loved the Bible and unflinchingly preached what he believed people needed to hear, regardless of what they wanted.” Yet he was a man who neglected the mission field in his home. “On and off over the years, Aiden exercised his role as head of the family by encouraging times of family devotions. These never lasted more than a few weeks. As one son explained, the children just did not want it and they were seldom all together for extended periods in any case.”
Tozer was a man who dedicated himself to reading, study and prayer and who delighted to be in the presence of God. “There is no way to measure the hours he spent in a typical day or week reading books and wrestling with ideas, but it was substantial. In a similar vein, we know that he increasingly devoted many hours each week praying, meditating on Scripture, and seeking deeper intimacy with the Lord Jesus Christ. During the 1930s Tozer read voraciously, and he also developed a magnificent obsession to be in Christ’s presence- just to worship Him and to be with Him.” Yet he was a man who was emotionally and spiritually distant from his own wife. “By early 1928 the Tozers had a routine. Aiden found his fulfillment in reading, preparing sermons, preaching, and weaving travel into his demanding and exciting schedule, while Ada learned to cope. She dutifully washed, ironed, cooked, and cared for the little ones, and developed the art of shoving her pain deep down inside. Most of the time she pretended there was no hurt, but when it erupted, she usually blamed herself for not being godly enough to conquer her longing for intimacy from an emotionally aloof husband.”
These strange inconsistencies abound. Tozer saw his wife’s gifts for hospitality and encouraged her in them; yet he disliked having visitors in his own home. He preached about the necessity of Christian fellowship within the family of Christ; yet he refused to allow his family or his wife’s family to visit their home. For every laudable area of his life there seemed to exist an equal and opposite error. This study in opposites leaves for a fascinating picture of a man who was used so greatly by God, even while his life had such obvious sin.
We are so accustomed to reading that we often give little attention to the book as a physical object. We interact with its words and phrases but think little of the art involved in actually putting together the book. In this case I thought it was only fair to draw attention to the exceptional design qualities of this title. The cover, the design, the printing, the details are all top-notch. The book is a pleasure to read both for the content and the book itself.
Though certainly not an exhaustive biography (weighing in at just 164 pages before the indexes and appendices) A Passion for God is nevertheless a good and valuable one. Those who have enjoyed Tozer’s writings will find here the life of a man who can and should be much admired for his deep spirituality and for his overwhelming love for Scripture. They will find here also the sad reality that Tozer, as have so many men before and after him, was willing to sacrifice his family on the altar of ministry. They will wrestle with the great irony that as Tozer grew closer to his Savior he seemed to grow more and more distant from his wife and family. His life stands as both an inspiration and a solemn warning.
Comments (33) »
1. Stephen Altrogge
June 6, 2008
9:33 AM
After reading things by Tozer and then hearing about his areas of sin, it’s encouraging to know that God often uses us in spite of our weaknesses.
2. Ann Voskamp
June 6, 2008
10:03 AM
Yes, using us cracked, broken ones, us loving Him desperately, and yet struggling to love those we live with…. only He, in such unspeakable, uncommon grace, could do such a thing…
And I wonder: what would our biographies read?
Amazing grace…
3. Francisco
June 6, 2008
10:33 AM
Not long ago a friend of mine posted a review on this book. I’d like to share what I said to him:
After enjoying both David Brainerd’s journal and Marsden’s biography of Jonathan Edwards and after reading your book review and closing comment, I think I have a confirmation to this theory of my own on why all good man of God seem to have feet of clay: that our Lord Jesus may shine all the brighter!!
4. Terry Hollifield
June 6, 2008
10:42 AM
A friend recommended your blog to me and this is the first post I have read. Thank you for a great review of a book I have yet to pick up; you have inspired me to sit down and order it today. I admire Tozer’s work and as others who have commented here, appreciate God’s grace, even perseverance on our behalf. I look forward to reading more of your blog.
5. Catherine
June 6, 2008
10:46 AM
Yes, wouldn’t it be interesting to see what is written about us years after we have gone to be with the Lord. Will people see that we loved the Lord in spite of the fact that sin is what we are, not what we do? Will we be declared as “used of the Lord” even though people may find sin in our camps? How many of us will stand up to the scrutiny of others looking at our lives? How many prophets and disciples, used by the Lord had perfect lives? I wonder what the great theologians of today will have written about them 40 years after they have left this earth?
Thanks Tim for the book review! I love A.W. Tozer and all that he has written. I love listening to his sermons because I think you get more of a feel for him. I had not heard about this book, but looks like one I may add to my library.
6. Bill Lurwick
June 6, 2008
11:51 AM
Ironic, and Iconic?
Hmmm, not sure about the iconic, but I know I am a work in progress also, even as the great A.W. Tozer was.
Encouraging to me personally, as sometimes it seems to me that my wife and I are on opposite ends of things also. However, by the Grace of God He is working that out through both of us also.
Isn’t it amazing, how a man could worship as he did, without all the distractions (as we call the web, tv, radio, ipods, whatever), and he was still a sinful man at his heart, even with all his devotion, he still failed in many areas. How much more am I, with what I don’t do? The sins of omission continue to be brought out to me by God.
Thanks for the review.
Bill
7. Dan
June 6, 2008
11:51 AM
Do we hold our families in too high of regard? I know I tread on the “sacred”. But isn’t the furthering of Christ’s kingdom ultimately more important than the emotional intimacy of even our greatest relationships? Please…I’m not advocating abandoning families or wives! Just thinking out loud…this seems to be a “common” “sin” among those whom God used deeply.
8. Reg Schofield
June 6, 2008
12:51 PM
It is amazing that often the men that you admire or look at as examples can be so weak at the same time. But does it not magnify God’s grace even more so. We should be very humbled and understand that apart from heaven , the old man will have some effect in our loves and the reality of sin is something we need to contend against everyday , even in those saints we think have it all together.
As to do we hold our families in too high a regard , I think the scripture is pretty clear how a husband is to love his wife . Ephesians 5:25-33 spells it out in no uncertain terms that it should be a sacrificial love , a God honoring love that seeks her growth and edification . Granted as a pastor there would be times when time away is a guarantee but when he was back and you have your wife in your arms , he is to imitate the love that Christ has for his bride ,the church. Plus also as a pastor one clear quality is one is to be hospitable .1 Tim:3 verses 1-7 it is one of the numerous qualities laid down by Paul . I’m not pointing fingers at Tozer , for I know my own sinful heart but I think its healthy to see these men with weaknesses that needed the grace and righteousness of our Saviour because it stops us from becoming personality worshipers that can snare the modern man who tend to focus more on the man than than our Lord.When look at men like Tozer,MacArthur,Piper,Sproul,Luther,Calvin,Carey as men used by God, but not yet perfect, I think it should inspire us to strive as they should also to serve Christ and trust in Him even more for our salvation ,for even the stars in the evangelical circle are broken vessels in need of the daily renewal of the gospel of Jesus.
9. Reformed Mommy
June 6, 2008
12:57 PM
Dan - As a preacher’s daughter of more than one generation, perhaps I can offer an “insiders” perspective. To be honest, some of what Tim describes in this book describes my own experience, both as a child and even today, and I struggle greatly with bitterness over it. There is such a clear mandate in Scripture that Jesus’ kingdom is built on His church, and that families are in essence a microcosm of His church. I agree wholeheatedly that the furthering of Christ’s kingdom is supreme, and that some families in full time ministry or missions accomplish that by having Dad or parents away for long periods of time, etc. (John Piper is one I believe who had this experience). But I wonder if it is because there was a clear distinction that this was God’s ministry and His work, and I would guess that their prayer life for their family and the time they did spend together was centered on that distinction. In my case, and many others, I got the strong impression that this was my Dad’s ministry, my Dad’s church, rather than God’s, and so nothing, from financial impoverishment, to teenage rebellion, to health problems, came second to his work.
I must confess to being very thankful for the initial comments, as they are full of the grace and mercy of Jesus that I long to have towards my Dad. God did bless his ministry - people were saved, they grew, and his children are all believers. I want to honor him for who he is in Christ and for the role he played in giving me such a strong grounding in God’s Word. But I would encourage us all to not just pray for our pastors, but encourage and exhort them to be good shepherds of their flock by being good shepherds of their families. Be involved with them not just as leaders, but as men with clay feet, and look for tangible ways to encourage them in their roles as husbands and fathers. They need it.
10. Mrs. J.D. Darr
June 6, 2008
2:02 PM
“To sum up, human marriage is premised in the making of the woman out of the very flesh of the man, so that the bond of marriage reunites what was originally and literally one flesh. All other relational claims must yield to the primacy of marital union. It requires an exclusive, life-long bonding of one man with one woman in one life fully shared. It erects barriers around the man and woman, and it destroys all barriers between the man and the woman. God so joins them together that they belong fully to one another, and to one another only.” Raymond C. Ortlund in New Studies in Biblical Theology edited by D.A. Carson
I’ve met too many leaders in the church that believed being intimate with God, interfered with intimacy with the family (and vice versa). I enjoyed the book by Christian Overman that spoke of the Hebrew mindset verses the Greek mindset. The Greek mindset made distinctions in their world. “This is spiritual, this is not spiritual.” The Hebrew knew no such distinctions. They saw all as spiritual because all belonged to God…including family and work.
We all need the grace of God in these matters! Great review Tim!
11. Ron Reffett
June 6, 2008
3:24 PM
I agree with Stephen, what a comfort to know that in spite of our sin and our failings, God still uses us!
It’s refreshing to see a biography on Tozer that shows his warts and not just his “good” side. John Piper spoke about studying Tyndale’s biography and how encouraging it was to see this great man of God in a true light and not just how someone painted him to be.
I look forward to more biographies that show real people and not caricatures of themselves.
12. Travis
June 6, 2008
4:47 PM
I enjoyed the review as well and think I will pick up a copy. I have read from Tozer during sermons and find his insights transforming for my life. Yet I am reminded of a scene from the movie Quiz Show in this instance. When the contestant who is cheating admits to the congress that he cheated everyone applauds, even his judges on the Congressional Board. Then the final Congressman stops and also thanks him for telling the truth, but also expects him to face the consequences of the action and is disappointed in him for not telling the truth in the first place.
So how could I not have grace for Tozer? Who am I to even cast the first stone?
But I also think it is important to read him with a grain of salt if this is the case. To understand the depth of his relationship with God did not lead him to a place of transformation in his family life(I am gathering this from your review, I need to read it for myself). This is sad and notable and should not be dismissed simply with some nice words about grace. In a day in age where we need to protect the family I see it as my responsibility as a pastor to set the proper role model of how to raise a family. My first congregation is always my wife and kids and I want people to grow from that role model. Eph. 5 and 6 clearly marks out our first ministry.
I love Tozer’s writings and will always turn to them for understanding my faith, but it will be very interesting to read this biography of his life to see how these truths impacted him in real life.
13. Daryl
June 6, 2008
4:52 PM
Let’s be careful to overspiritualize a man’s faults. I suspect that Tozer’s disconnect between family and “ministry” is more due to sinful personality than it is the result of trying to be “God’s man”.
What I mean is this. Men in all fields struggle with this issue or the opposite. There are workaholics everywhere, just as there are those whose work suffers because they’d rather be home with their family.
I happen to fall into the second camp and am convinced that it won’t change based on my career choice, but on my willingness to be obedient in all areas of my life.
Clearly A.W. struggled with obedience to God in his family life, as do we all.
I suppose it only reinforces that we must be careful about who are heroes are, and be willing to have heroes in specific areas an not necessarily in all of life.
Tozer is a hero, no doubt, for his devotion to Scripture, but family? Not so much.
14. Richard
June 6, 2008
7:18 PM
In other words, in spite of all his “delight to be in the presence of the Lord,” Tozer remained what we all remain until we enter into glory—a sinner, a justified sinner, but a sinner nevertheless. Would that we all could acknowledge that we remain in Romans 7 until the end of our lives. This is why we all need the spotlight of the law to point up our remaining sin to drive us back daily to the Gospel. Until then, we remain hypocrites, and add hypocrisy to our sins if we fail to acknowledge our sinfulness; it sounds as if Tozer was guilty of this.
15. Reg Schofield
June 6, 2008
8:23 PM
Well said Richard …Amen.
16. donsands
June 6, 2008
9:46 PM
Thanks for the review.
“The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zeph. 3:17
“True Christian joy is the heart’s harmonious response to the Lord’s song of love.” -AW
Seems he struggled with affection. I can relate, as I to struggle with this.
I thought of King David being a man after God’s own heart, and yet this same king was a despicable man, in so many ways.
I truly believe if we love Christ and have Him first in our hearts, then God is pleased, though we may be weak in many other ways.
And we need to remember that there are many in the Church who live sinful lives, and do not love the Lord at all. And these are false disciples, who spread their leaven, and cause others to stumble in sin.
The orioles just took the lead against the Blue Jays, 6-4 in the top of the 8th. Sorry, I’m watching the ball game as I read this post, and commented.
17. Chicken Man
June 6, 2008
9:50 PM
I am not posting my name because I would not want to do anything to damage the character or reputation of my wife. But I will post the truth of my life. I love my wife, but my marriage has been difficult. I love my kids, but I know I could be a better father if so much energy wasn’t spent uselessly in my relationship with my wife. I want to be more involved with the church, I want to give more of the time and money God has given me on His kingdom, and I would l also love to spend more time doing things with my kids to share the importance of God’s values with them. Unfortunately, my wife and I are rarely on the same page.
I have spent 8 years trying to appease her and the results are basically constant compromise on my part. It is a shame that most often the things that I sacrifice are the things I ought to be doing for the Lord. My wife has some emotional/psychological issues (although she disputes their diagnosis, she is at least aware that something is amiss). She was diagnosed several years ago with bi-polar disorder, and has been on and off various prescription drugs since well before we got married. She was one of the people that influenced me to accept Christ as my Savior, and now she has somehow become my biggest hindrance to serving Him as I know I ought. I am struggling to understand why this is and praying for divine intervention. I know this is not God’s plan for marriage, but divorce is not an option as far as I am concerned. And I will readily admit, that I am not anything close to the man, the husband, or the father that I want to be.
I am not trying to blame my wife for my lack of effect and/or effort in serving God. However, after reading your review and some of the comments afterward, I did want to share my pitiful insight here. When you are in a marriage where the husband and wife are yoked but not pulling equally in the same direction, compromise is going to happen. Sometimes, this compromise is your commitment to your family, sometimes it is your commitment to your church. Sometimes the compromise is your commitment to your work, and sometimes it is your relationship to God. When your marriage is not the constant source of blessing that I believe God intended it to be, but rather an emotional drain, it is very difficult to be EVERYTHING God intended for you to be. I am sorry to say that I know far more married couples that simply suffer each other than I do godly husbands and wives that consistently encourage, exhort, and enrich one another.
At least that’s my take. I am still praying to tell a different story at some point. Just wanted to share my thoughts, somewhat bitter though they be.
“Chicken Man”
18. Chicken Man
June 6, 2008
10:12 PM
To Don Sands -
You must have posted while I was writing up my own post. I think you are dead on. All throughout the Bible, I think time and time again we see examples of men who were really less than stellar in many areas of their lives or in certain aspects of their character. Yet it was their heart for God that pleased Him enough to record their names in His word along with the deeds He accomplished through them.
None of us are perfect. In fact, this is one of the ‘discussions’ I had recently with my wife. She criticized me for stepping up to co-lead a Bible study on finances and stewardship from God’s perspective. This is an area where we have struggled and though we have made gains, we still struggle. She didn’t think I should have committed myself to this endeavor because we still have some issues when it comes to managing our money. My response was that if someone has to attain complete perfection before they attempt to “feed” others, we would all starve.
The reason I share that is because 1) I think any time we really long to serve God opposition will come at us, even from the most difficult places. And 2) I think that it is real easy to NOT serve because we feel like we aren’t “ready”. But again, I think all you have to do is read about the men and women God used throughout the Bible to get at the truth. God doesn’t use people who are “ready”; he uses those who are “available”.
God bless~
“Chicken Man”
19. Travis
June 6, 2008
10:44 PM
I have not read the book as I mentioned earlier, but did the book ever mention if Tozer was distraught by the condition of his family or marriage? Did he consider himself to be greatly failing them? I will read it to find out, already ordered it, but I suppose that is an important element I have not caught, but appears to assumed in the discussion.
20. Mrs. J.D. Darr
June 6, 2008
11:38 PM
“Chicken Man”
May God bless you and your family…we will pray that you would feel fully the great grace that God has given to you, and that He is completely sovereign in your family life. We pray for your wife’s healing, and that you would find comfort in God knowing exactly where you are, and what you are struggling with, and that you have all you need in Christ.
“Having done all…stand.”
Love
Your family in Christ!
21. Tandy Vaughn
June 7, 2008
1:08 AM
I would be more shocked if Tozer proved to have a powerful ministry and equally successful relationships. Try making a list of all the men in scripture who served the Lord, but appeared to fail those closest to them. And make another list of all the men who were perfect in their service and their relationships. Is there anyone in the second list?
Maybe Tozer could have used his time more appropriately and been more sympathetic to his wife. Who are we to say? Striking a balance between ministry and family is difficult to say the least. Even in the best situations a spouse can feel slighted and children feel neglected. My dad was home about 90 days a year, but I never felt slighted - he sacrificed and we all sacrificed. My mother must have been lonely but it never showed and she never criticized him to us.
My heart goes out to men and their families who are called to serve the Church in a larger role than mine, who must be away from home for extended periods of time like Tozer. I have not discovered a satisfying counsel for those in these situations; perhaps more should heed Paul’s recommendation that we not get married in the first place.
22. Reformed Mommy
June 7, 2008
1:10 AM
ChickenMan,
It’s been humbling for me in the years since I left my father’s home to now experience some of the same struggles in my role as a mother that my father does as a pastor with a wife with serious health issues who has often used those very issues to gain more of his attention and care. There are times where, may God have mercy on me, I look at my very energetic, bright and exhausting children as impediments to God’s true purpose for my life, instead of the actual means He has graciously given to accomplish His ends. God uses those times to soften my heart toward my Dad as I now fight the same fights he did. Except, he’s not really fighting. In a smaller way than Tozer, God has worked through my dad to save people and grow them in their faith. But he is squandering such a monumental opportunity to demonstrate the power of the God he proclaims from a pulpit every week by setting aside even good desires to advance God’s kingdom in the world by advancing God’s kingdom in his own family through truly loving his wife and children the way Jesus loves us. Ironically, while in my childhood I didn’t see this and used it as an excuse to reject God, now as an adult and a child of God I have experienced that power in truly miraculous ways. God has given me a new heart, His heart, toward him, and a desire to honor him and love him as a brother in Christ, and to sacrifically serve and love my children in a way I didn’t experience myself. God has blessed you with family who want and need to see that God in all of His goodness and power, the God you proclaim to others, is truly Who you say He is. Paul knows He is, and he prayed in Colossians 1 that we would know it as we are strengthened with His power. I know He is, and pray that same prayer for you too.
23. Tim Challies
June 7, 2008
6:24 AM
I know I could be a better father if so much energy wasn’t spent uselessly in my relationship with my wife. I want to be more involved with the church, I want to give more of the time and money God has given me on His kingdom, and I would l also love to spend more time doing things with my kids to share the importance of God’s values with them. Unfortunately, my wife and I are rarely on the same page.
This may sound trite, but I wonder if you would benefit from reading about B.B. Warfield. On his honeymoon he and his wife were out walking and were overtaken by a thunder storm. Something happened out there that shattered her body and mind and she was essentially an invalid for the rest of her life. But Warfield loved her deeply and took care of her for the rest of her life. He apparently never complained about having to do so, but saw it as a special ministry God had given him. He was able to be a great theologian and a great husband. His example may prove inspiring to you. Of course I’ve only read bits and pieces and am not aware of a full biography of the man…
24. donsands
June 7, 2008
10:35 AM
“Yet it was their heart for God that pleased Him enough to record their names in His word along with the deeds He accomplished through them.” -C-Man
Peter is another one who I am encouraged by. He was so into himself, and even rebuked the Lord.
And yet Jesus knew his heart. The heart that the Lord changed, and kept changing.
And the Lord does no less for us.
I also thought of BB Warfield as I read your comment C-Man.
And I hope you have some elders and pastors who can come along side of you as well.
i often receive encouragement from my elders and pastors. that’s their calling. I used to be an elder, and know how important it is to pray for the flock, and be there for them, and weep with them, and rejoice with them.
Have a blessed Lord’s Day.
25. John
June 7, 2008
10:41 AM
I, too, fascinated by his books. While I was reading the book review, I couldn’t help but think that Tozer should’ve been single instead of married.
26. Daryl Little
June 7, 2008
7:37 PM
I gotta write this in answer to Dan ( way back at the beginning) and to Chicken Man.
Other’s have been there. My father dealt with a depressed wife for 10 or 15 years, struggling to be a father to us and a faithful husband to her. “Useless” Chicken Man? Really?
My father’s “useless” service to an unresponsive wife has yeilded huge dividends in children who look up to him and his example. We learned how to love our wives and husbands through his example.
Remember this, “in sickness and in health”. It’s a big deal, sacrificing things you love in the service of you wife, and I recommend it highly.
Now? My mom & dad enjoy each other and God immensely, and they couldn’t if not for his faithful love.
Do we hold our families too high? I suppose it’s possible, but I doubt that it’s a common theme. We are all selfish, are we not? Me, you, Tozer. We dare not condemn him (that wasn’t my intention earlier) but we dare not ignore the warning signs either.
In my view,,,would less time at church serve my family well? Then spend less time at church,
Would less time in my study serve my family well?
Then spend less time in the study.
On the flip side, it may be that more time at both places would serve our families well. Know your family, and behave accordingly. It’s not more spiritual to lead a bible study than it is to skip it and stay at home washing dishes for a spouse who can’t or won’t.
These times shall pass. The time will come when we have more time for other things. But for now, our family is our priority.
I agree with John’s last statement, I’m thankful for his work, but the cost…too high in my view.
Thank the Lord, he’s perfect now, as we all shall be.
27. Chicken Man
June 8, 2008
12:34 AM
Thank you all for your comments. I really do appreciate them. For whatever reason, what I chose to share here, I have pretty much tried to keep to myself and just plod on through. Obviously, friends and family that have been close enough to see my wife and I “warts and all” have observed some of what I’ve shared, and they have been an encouragement to me, even if it’s just to know I’m not crazy. My wife’s parents have even taken me aside to share their concerns about her. It is hard to describe to someone who hasn’t been where I am. Don’t get me wrong, I very much love my wife and have committed my life to her. When I said “I do” I meant it with everything in me. But for every “good” day we have, there are probably 30 to 40 not so good days where I struggle to *like* her.
I hate to say that, and I obviously don’t understand whatever it is she is going through, so I am at a loss as to how to help her. And I really want to, but the more I try to reach out to her, the more I just seem to “push her away” (as she told me recently). She doesn’t like to clean, she doesn’t like to cook, she doesn’t want to go to church. Most weekends, she spends the entire weekend in bed while I take care of the kids and everything else. I cook every night I come home from work. I don’t complain about it; I just do it because it needs to be done.
Her language has gotten horrible; I think as a result of a recent friendship she has begun speaking more and more Vulgarian, and she takes offense when I mention this to her. She recently decided to go to Sin City with this friend instead of going to church camp with our daughter. She explodes in anger at me daily for no real reason, and generally when we have a conversation, there is about a 95% chance that I will say or do something that doesn’t sit well with her, will provoke her ire, and then that’s all she wants to talk about. She won’t pray with me, won’t read any of the books I want to read with her that I think might help. It is difficult to describe to someone who hasn’t had to live this way what it is like. I want so badly to be the husband and father God has called me to be, and for our marriage to be GOD’s success story, but right now it just feels like MY complete failure.
And when I made the comment about so much of my time and energy being spent “uselessly” with my wife, what I mean is that we should be *enjoying* and *appreciating* one another… not attacking, defending, and arguing—especially in front of the kids. I say “uselessly” because it seems like the majority of the time we’ve spent so far in our marriage has been on things that will be thrown into the fire and purged when we reach the end of things… not things useful to the Kingdom, to our kids, or even to each other. Instead of spending time reading the Bible together, praying together, planning how we can serve the Lord better together, we spend most of our time locked up in disagreements over really trivial and unimportant stuff that should not be nearly as consuming as it is.
Now having said all that, I know full well that God brings us through times of amazing trial and strife so that through His refinement, His perfect work can be made complete. I guess I still have a long ways to go when it comes to being long-suffering and I am painfully aware that I still have not learned how to fulfill my wife’s needs. I may not even know what they are, and I absolutely assume the responsibility for this marriage not being everything it should be. And I think it’s entirely possible that *I* am trying way too hard to initiate positive changes (especially if we aren’t trying together), instead of relying on the Holy Spirit to transform this marriage, but I cannot escape feeling like I should be making every effort I can. I don’t know. Maybe one day I will see what God has been doing through all the pain, as I have seen so many times before when I’ve emerged from trials. Maybe not. It really doesn’t matter. God is sovereign. I just want to be useful to Him, and at this point in my life I must confess that I don’t feel very useful to Him.
Anyway, I’m sorry for bleeding my heart out here. Tim, I love your blog, and I admire the kind of man you seem to be. Your wife is obviously a godly and supportive helpmeet, and I hope that your marriage and family is as blessed as they seem to be. I want so much to have that satisfaction and joy in my own house. But I will take whatever God has apportioned for me and do my best not to complain. And if that’s what I’ve been doing here, then please forgive me.
Peace & Blessings,
Chicken Man
28. Chicken Man
June 8, 2008
12:45 AM
This may sound trite, but I wonder if you would benefit from reading about B.B. Warfield. On his honeymoon he and his wife were out walking and were overtaken by a thunder storm. Something happened out there that shattered her body and mind and she was essentially an invalid for the rest of her life. But Warfield loved her deeply and took care of her for the rest of her life. He apparently never complained about having to do so, but saw it as a special ministry God had given him.
Tim,
I wanted to respond to this. First, B.B. sounds like an exceptional man and that is an awesome testimony. I asked my wife to marry me less than after she was diagnosed and treated for cancer. She had a daughter who was two, and I married her knowing full well that the cancer might return and what that might mean. I considered all the options and I was ready to do right by her (and our daughter) when I asked her to marry me. I loved her then, and I love her now. To be completely honest, though, I think it would be easier to care for her sometimes if I knew what was wrong, or even if I felt a little more appreciated. Of course, I know that is my flesh talking. What does it matter if I feel appreciated or respected… to God? I am a sinner, and this life isn’t about my glory. His grace IS sufficient for me, and I should probably keep this fixed in my mind more than I do.
Thank you for sharing this about B.B. Warfield. I will see if I can find out more about this man’s life. It sounds like it would be an encouragement.
Peace,
Chicken Man
29. Laurie
June 8, 2008
2:12 AM
Chicken Man,
Seldom have I seen someone in so much pain remain so kind, respectful, and responsive to being advised and/or corrected by other believers. Be encouraged by that evidence of the work of the Spirit in your life. I don’t have anything to add to what has already been said. Just keep praying, trusting and hoping for that Great Day!
30. Michele
June 8, 2008
10:58 AM
Super interesting post, Tim, as I’ve always been a huge Tozer fan, and have almost idolized him.
I have to ask, did Warfield’s wife get struck by lightening?
31. Barbara
June 8, 2008
11:20 AM
Chicken Man,
My husband could have written your story 18 years ago. It was so close to our situation that I winced while reading it. He, like you, chose to remain faithful and take care of the things I was neglecting.
I’m going to give you some controversial and unsolicited advice that I wish someone would have given my husband. Your wife needs to feel the consequences of her attitude and behavior. I will leave it to God to show you how that would play out for you in practical terms. If my husband had said to me, “You cannot live with the children while you are acting this way” I believe that might have gotten through to me.
Other than that, there is nothing you can do to change her. You will never be perfect enough to make her happy…because she’s not unhappy with you…she’s running away from God. Nothing can make a believer more miserable, or more miserable to live with, than sin.
My road back was a long and gradual one. Needless to say, I worship the ground my hubby walks on (not idolatry…I think my theology is sound!). But, more importantly, rarely an hour goes by when I do not pour out my heart to God in thanksgiving for His mercies and forbearance.
P.S. Love the blog…it’s my morning tea and toast staple. Love Tozer, thanks for the review Tim.
32. Tracy
June 11, 2008
12:25 AM
Firstly, thankyou Tim for this blogsite that allows our voices to be heard, in unison with your own and not.
Thankyou also to the many good-hearted and sincere commenters. I have been so encouraged by much that has been said and the compassion, understanding and respect shown.
And finally, thankyou to Chicken Man for sharing your story now - before you’ve lived to see your happily ever after. It’s gutsy and real of you when your pain is so raw. You might not see it in yourself, but echoing Laurie, the Holy Spirit is working in and through you amazingly as your character becomes more like Jesus - and He will be glorified by this!
I’ve come to learn through my own often desperate journey that there is no quick fix, but along the way Ellel Ministries has been one of the steps towards freedom for me and my family (we’re in Australia, but they also have centres in the UK, Canada, USA and elsewhere).
However our wonderful Lord gets you through, as you hang in there with Him and stay loving, may you and your dear wife and family be so blessed with wisdom, wise counsel, true friends and ultimately healing and deliverance.
33. Widower
June 11, 2008
2:17 PM
Chicken Man - Just wanted to echo those who have sought to encourage you by highlighting the evident work of grace in your life, your love for your wife despite everything, and your love for the Lord and desire to serve Him. I guess every marriage has ups and downs, some more public and obvious than others, some longer and shorter. Many heartaches and pressures are hidden behind closed doors - although always known completely by the Lord, Who (even in the dark times) remains sovereign. However, take heart from the fact that your courage in posting brings your situation to the attention of the Lord’s people who - even though we may never meet this side of glory - can still plead your cause at the throne of grace. May the Lord soon honour your heart’s desire to honour him and serve Him, and may He soon not only end the trial but bring that unity of heart and mind with your wife that you (and now we) are praying for.