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A Blockbuster Deal
- 07/31/06
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Today is Trade Deadline day in the Major Leagues. My team, the Bluejays, are expected to be "buyers" this year, indicating a desire to compete with the Red Sox and Yankees to win their division. With less than two hours to go, they have not made a move. As I hunted around, looking for clues as to their inactivity, I began to wonder what the church would look like if it ran on a market similar to major league sports. I wonder if it would go a little something like this:
Sun Valley, CA Hot off the wires, the Associated Press reports a blockbuster trade. With the annual ecclesiastical trade deadline only hours away, Bethlehem Baptist Church and Grace Community Church have agreed to a four pastor deal. While early rumors indicated this might be a three-church trade involving Capitol Hill Baptist Church, the final deal is as follows:
Grace will send Pastor-Teacher John MacArthur, Minister of Music Clayton Erb and Associate Pastor, High School Ministry Eric Bancroft to Bethlehem in return for Pastor for Preaching and Vision John Piper, Lead Pastor for Operations Jon Grano and future considerations. MacArthur, widely regarded as the nation's leading expositor, agreed to waive his no-trade clause in return for an expanded book allowance. Piper, world-class author and highly-regarded preacher, will assume MacArthur's pulpit and radio duties. We are unable to confirm whether Piper will be expected to transition from the ESV translation of the Bible to the NASB.
While Piper was unavailable for comment, his agent read the following prepared statement: "While he was initially disappointed to hear of this trade, Pastor Piper is looking forward to serving the men and women of Sun Valley, California." Author of more than 20 books, Piper has been serving Bethlehem since 1980. He is expected to join the staff of Grace Community Church this week. It is believed that Piper's new contract stipulates that he will not be allowed to raise his hands in worship and will be limited to eight hyphenated words per sermon.
This trade, which had been the subject of rumors for several weeks, addresses pressing concerns in both churches. Sources who wished to remain anonymous indicated earlier this week that, while a deal was close, Bethlehem was unwilling to complete a trade without involving Phil Johnson, Executive Director of Grace To You. It appears now that Johnson, who has edited most of MacArthur's major books, will remain with Grace To You and will edit forthcoming books by John Piper. "I am excited about supporting the God-exulting, Christ-centered ministry of John Piper," said Johnson. Dr. Piper's next book is expected to hit bookstore shelves later this year.
Grace spokesman Dan Dumas said, "While we are sorry to have to say goodbye to Dr. MacArthur, we know that he will be warmly received by his new church family. We look forward to many years of fruitful ministry with John Piper." MacArthur has authored over 70 books and has been serving at Grace Church since 1969. Grano is expected to fill a newly-created position in Grace Church.
Meanwhile, in receiving Clayton Erb, Bethlehem addresses their pressing and much-publicized need for a minister of music. "We have three Associate Pastors and a Ministry Assistant, but no Minister of Music," said spokesman Sam Crabtree. "Clayton will solidify and organize this talented staff." The addition of a Minster of Music prepares Bethlehem for a busy Autumn and the always difficult Christmas season.
Shortly after the deal was announced, MacArthur was seen smiling as he said farewell to his former staff. He and Erb are expected to be available for duty in Bethlehem as soon as this Sunday. Bancroft, a talented and highly-rated rookie who ranks 11th in the Rookie Report's 2006 rankings, will be groomed as a possible long-term successor to MacArthur.
Asked what would become of Piper's decade-long series on Romans, Dumas said, "It is over. We expect Pastor Piper to begin a three-year series on Philemon beginning later this Fall."
While this trade puts Grace near the salary cap, Bethlehem has apparently agreed to cover a portion of Piper's salary through the 2006 season.
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Comments (33)
*snort* Funny stuff!! Maybe you should write another about a blogger trade! (oh wait - didn't that happen when the BHT guys tried to get Jared?)
Yeah, but are either lefties? And which one hits for power and which one for average?
Classic, Tim! Well done. By the way, kudos on the new L&F for the site...
That's classic. I'm most disappointed about the Romans series, though, as I am a member of GCC and would love to hear him finish it out ;-)
"We expect Pastor Piper to begin a three-year series on Philemon beginning later this Fall."
That's what I like to hear - thorough exposition.
I believe this is exactly the sort of trading that takes place at most of the annual Convention meetings. You start at the local level and then move your way up to the state and then national level.
John going to Bethlehem Baptist without Phil Johnson along? Somehow I cannot picture Phil turning down a chance to be closer to his beloved Chicago Cubs.
Genius, Tim! Thanks for the enjoyable read. I do love baseball, but even more than that, I love the league that these fine gentlemen play in. Well done!
I personally think that Bethlehem got the short end of the deal. Not that Macarthur is not top-rate, but after all the years in SoCal I don't think he can handle the Minneapolis winters.
Any word on the reported trade between Reformed Seminary and Southern Seminary involving Duncan and Mohler?
This post is beyond awesome. There are not many with the personal insight of these two churches and baseball who are capable of pulling off such a great trade.
KUDOS are well deserved. I will give anyone the president of my Seminary Southwestern. I would love to be an alumnus of Southern, at least Mohler is the real deal.
"Any word on the reported trade between Reformed Seminary and Southern Seminary involving Duncan and Mohler?"
This trade would never happen...because, unfortunately, Mohler is not quite as consistent in unashamedly standing for the true gospel as Duncan (see his attempt to stand together with Paige Patterson at the SBC convention even when the two hold to two completely different gospels).
Mohler's stance on alcohol would never hold up at Reformed Seminary, either.
On the flip side, Duncan wouldn't even be allowed to hold the office of president at Southern with his stance on alcohol.
This trade can only be rumor, and neither side would ever sign off on it. Although, it might do Mohler good to spend some time around some drinkers to see that it is not good to go beyond what is written in Scripture concerning alcohol, and it might do Duncan good to spend some time around credo-baptists to see that it is not good to go beyond what is written in Scripture concerning baptism.
So, while the trade itself will never happen...it would probably be a beneficial one to BOTH sides.
What about the pastor to be named later?
Tim,
Awesome post. I am an avid Yankees fan and also a former member of GCC (I left when I graduated from TMS). I really needed the laugh!!! Oh by the way sorry about the Blue Jays not getting anyone in the trade.
I'm glad that Piper will not be allowed to raise his hands in worship at GCC, it wouldbe really messy when the laser that cuts off raised hands went off right before he was going to preach.
"...and it might do Duncan good to spend some time around credo-baptists to see that it is not good to go beyond what is written in Scripture concerning baptism."
Haha, ouch, Brian... I would have to say that it would be good for Mohler to spend some time around the paedo-baptists to see that it is not good to go beyond what is written in Scripture concerning the sign and the seal of the covenant, formerly being circumcision, now being baptism. I'm not saying that the argument is as simple as that, but I would say that your assessment of the argument is too simple. And also, you're comparing legalism in matters of food to the administration of one of the two sacraments; that doesn't quite seem fair. I just think that it is important that we administer the sacraments properly and to whom they belong to. I think Piper, Mohler, and MacArthur are very faithful and extremely submissive to Scripture, but I still say that the burden of proof on this issue rests on them and all credo-baptists.
Lol - I don't know how we managed to turn this tread into a Credo/Paedobaptist debate, but that requires some talent!
Great post Tim. I laughed throughout the entire article.
-mike
My comments concerning Duncan and Mohler were tongue-in-cheek...NOT to sidetrack the thread, but to show the incompatability of the two "players" on multiple levels in the event of a trade.
It wasn't meant to be a thesis on alcohol or baptism.
Great Post Tim,
I asked my senior pastor if I need to get me an agent :)
Oh Great! I'm cancelling my season tickets.
There is no way the playing style of Erb will mesh with the way things are done at bethlehem. That will ruin clubhouse continuity right there, not to mention J-Mac's leadership style rubbing the leadership team the wrong way.
And Piper's preaching willc ertainly unseat some butts from GCC. He is awfully tenacious in going after his congregation. This whole deal is bound to end in disaster.
This better not decrease the value of the Piper and MacArthur rookie cards I have. Anbody willing to trade a Johnson, and a Harris for a Mahaney?
Hayden (#12): I am an avid Yankees fan
We'll be praying for you.
Tim, I've always had a great deal of respect for you, but this post takes you up several rungs on the ladder in my eyes! Brilliant!!
That was hilarious! Coming from a big baseball fan, I greatly enjoyed that. I would have loved to have heard that one of the pastors was being assigned to a parachurch or some sort of minor-league church system (no that parachurch is below the church). I hope your Blue Jays win the east. Thanks for all of the encouraging posts.
Sometimes reading the words in italics before the article REALLY matter. I got a sentence or two in before I realized what was going on. That made it all the more amusing. I needed that laugh.
Tim, if anything else, this is the absolute best post you have ever written! I am saving this and printing it out!
Let me just say that I'm thankful for John Piper's "Brothers, We Are Not Professionals" right now.
Very well done, Tim!
GCC has released its first picture of Piper.
In a recent devolment Macarthur has also asked for Holland to come to MN. I would love to see the trade because I could see him live. Mac is a awesome preacher
shad
1) I'll take that trade... Johnson and Harris for Mahaney. Is it a "Jesus '77" Mahaney rookie or a SGM-overseer, Hall-Of-Fame type card? ;)
2) There are so many SBCers who will probably have one stance on the alcohol resolutions while living another... believe me; I attended SBTS and found that there was a lot more personal pragmatism among some students than there was faithfulness to the leadership in all areas.
3) The Yankees are like the church: fantastic potential, stupid inter-personal squabbles, way too much emphasis on money, and usually seen as a bunch of self-destructing bufoons by the rest of the world.
4) Macarthur without Johnson... hmmm... kind of like Andre The Giant (meant in a good way) without a manager to translate his esoteric comments... Macarthur the Giant might be a bit too intellectual for the more charsimaticized crowds at Bethlehem. Piper, I think, might be a little too enthusiastic for the laid-back California atmosphere... we'll see. Two guys with excellent deliveries and great conditioning. With the right support staff, the chance to dominate even in vastly different game-day situations is almost a sure bet.
This was hilarious! Thank you, Tim.
Was Rick Holland included in any of the talks? I would think he would be a sought after commodity as well. What will his new role be in the Piper regime?
Well done!
"Was Rick Holland included in any of the talks?"
Grace tried to toss him into a deal, but Bethlehem just laughed... ;-)
OK, we understand the preaching side of things. Big deal! They can both preach. The real question on Dr. P coming to California is can he golf? Johnny Mac is a semi-pro. What kind of golf club memberships were included in the deal? Those are the real questions!!
Rob Anthony brings up a good point. I am sure there is some sort of trade clause that if Piper does not drop his handicap to at least single digits until the off-season ends, the trade would become void.
I am sure Mac would have a hard time dealing with the winters up north and a a dramatically shorter golf season. He might have a big travel account to allow him to keep up his golf game.
Good thinking Rob.
And what happens to the support staff of the GCC Music Department?? I've always wanted to experience a "real" winter. . . .