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A Tortured Existence
- 06/26/09
- 24
So the king is dead. What a sad end to a sad life; a pathetic end to a pathetic life (by which I mean to use pathetic in its true sense as "arousing pity and sympathy). I don't know that I have ever seen, in one man, such a combination of self-love and self-loathing, shocking narcissism combined with equally shocking self-hatred. Truly Michael Jackson was unparalleled.
Andrew Sullivan offered a few interesting thoughts.
There are two things to say about him. He was a musical genius; and he was an abused child. By abuse, I do not mean sexual abuse; I mean he was used brutally and callously for money, and clearly imprisoned by a tyrannical father. He had no real childhood and spent much of his later life struggling to get one. He was spiritually and psychologically raped at a very early age - and never recovered. Watching him change his race, his age, and almost his gender, you saw a tortured soul seeking what the rest of us take for granted: a normal life.
But he had no compass to find one; no real friends to support and advise him; and money and fame imprisoned him in the delusions of narcissism and self-indulgence. Of course, he bears responsibility for his bizarre life. But the damage done to him by his own family and then by all those motivated more by money and power than by faith and love was irreparable in the end. He died a while ago. He remained for so long a walking human shell.
I loved his music. His young voice was almost a miracle, his poise in retrospect eery, his joy, tempered by pain, often unbearably uplifting. He made the greatest music video of all time; and he made some of the greatest records of all time. He was everything our culture worships; and yet he was obviously desperately unhappy, tortured, afraid and alone.
I grieve for him; but I also grieve for the culture that created and destroyed him. That culture is ours' and it is a lethal and brutal one: with fame and celebrity as its core values, with money as its sole motive, it chewed this child up and spat him out.
I hope he has the peace now he never had in his life. And I pray that such genius will not be so abused again.
From beginning to end, Jackson led a tortured life and he led much of it in full view of the public. As much as he was secretive, being whisked about behind masks and tinted windows, the sheer volume of cameras and the unending interest in his life meant that his every step was recorded. We saw him change his skin color, change his face, and almost change his gender. Through it all, we gasped at his obvious self-loathing, expressed in his desire to change everything he is and was and manifested in his increasingly bizarre behavior. He was a tortured soul and I doubt we can even imagine what was going on inside that increasingly twisted heart, that increasingly conflicted mind.
Michael Jackson was in so many ways a product of this sick celebrity culture (that he helped create) that will never rest satisfied until it has both created and then destroyed the newest celebrity. We want our celebrities to start strong and finish weak, to begin with a bang and then fizzle, pop and sputter, all for our enjoyment and entertainment (Susan Boyle stands as the most recent example of this). Jackson gave us so much to talk about, so much to enjoy. More than any other celebrity he embodied the "vanities" of Ecclesiastes. He was at one time known for what he did so well and then was known for being a freak; he was at one time fantastically wealthy and then utterly broke; he was once loved and then despised. He had it all and yet, it seemed, he had nothing. All of it was meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
Andrew Sullivan ended his reflection on Jackson by saying, "I hope he has the peace now he never had in his life." I hope the same. Truly, I do. I never cared much for Michael Jackson. I listened to his music occasionally in life but, after losing my childhood collection of 45's, I didn't ever buy one of his songs or albums. But it was impossible to miss him completely as even decades after the peak of his fame, his face was often in the news and even a simple skim of the headlines would show that his strangeness was increasing year-by-year. Through all of this I haven't ever hoped for much on his behalf. But I hope now that he has finally found peace. Sadly, though, his life showed no evidence that he had found the One who is peace, the one who offers true peace. And if that is the case, the true horror of it all is that Jackson will spend all of eternity in the same twisted mind that tortured him for most of the fifty years he was given here. Those fifty years seemed to drive him to the brink of utter insanity; the thought of an eternity in that state is too horrific to imagine. We may like to think that death inevitably brings peace to a tortured existence. But Scripture gives us no reason to find hope except in the One who offers hope by saying "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." May you find that rest today so you can enjoy that rest eternally.
I am a follower of Jesus Christ, a husband to Aileen and a father to three young children. I write books and blogs for fun while doing web design and consulting for a living. I worship and serve at 
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Comments (24)
Thanks for the post and the perspective. It reminds me once again that this life is but a vapor and everything we work so hard for and clamor for will one day pass away and the only thing that will last is whether we knew Jesus as our Savior.
JThttp://redeemingriches.wordpress.com
I can be a cynic, but when it comes to Michael Jackson, I just am not. From an early age, Jackson's musical genius made him a money-making product, not a child to be loved and nurtured. Emotional trauma most assuredly stunted his emotional growth. I for one believe that he was in fact, still a child at heart, still very much vulnerable and gullible - and not the monster the media told us he was.
How stupid can we get to accept what media feeds us about a man we know so little about personally? Most, if not all of what we know about him has been handed to us by a greedy enterprise, sensationalizing stories to sell papers. I don't accept gossip from my neighbours, why would I accept it from total strangers who destroy reputations and pocket the change?
Sometimes, we assume that because of the way a person lived, surely they did not have a chance to communicate with God or God would certainly not communicate with them during the last moments of their earthly existence, in such a way to save their souls from an eternity of hell. I hope Michael had a chance to talk to GOD days, hours, moments before he died, and if he did, I have no doubt that GOD talked back.
I thank God for all His gifts. Michael Jackson was a misappropriated gift.
"Let me fill your heart with joy and laughterTogetherness, well thats all Im afterWhenever you need me, Ill be thereIll be there to protect youWith an unselfish love I respect youJust call my name and Ill be there."(I'll Be There, Michale Jackson)
That you have expressed sympathy for a man whose pain and sin were etched into an ever-present tragedy mask, instead of publishing an indifferent laundry list of his infamous grotesqueries (as the Associated Press did), eases my troubled heart. For truly, as you said, "He was a tortured soul and I doubt we can even imagine what was going on inside that increasingly twisted heart, that increasingly conflicted mind." Oh, that our compassion would be thusly aroused for all lost souls--even as it was for the One who came to bear our sins! And how glad, how very glad I am that I no longer have to wear my own hideous and innumerable sins so garishly, because my beautiful Savior's perfect life and perfectly satisfactory atonement is wrapped about me in a robe of righteousness.
Thanks for some good thoughts here. Ironic, when my wife told me last night he had died, my first words were "he was a tortured soul."
Renee,
Any Scripture to back up those assertions?
I think Tim has Matthew 7:15-29 on his side.
Many people who have 'tortured pasts' embrace Christ. I pray that MJ repented and believed in the Lord Jesus Christ. If He did not, he is not having a 'conversation' with God.
i was raised a christian, confirmed, and later when i was actually old enough to make up my mind, realized i didn't believe. a big part of my becoming agnostic was not being able to reconcile the fact that christians talk so much about the importance of faith and in the same breath remind eachother and others that they risk eternal damnation if they don't turn to god by the time they find themself on their deathbed. we throw out criminal confessions made under less duress. and once finding the "one" who offers true peace, are we not as capapble of the same evil perpetrated by those who haven't? if michael jackson was guilty of everything he was accused of, i don't think anyone would argue it was a result of abuse and circumstance he suffered himself. so considering a devout christian like george bush, am i really to believe that any benevolent entity would open the gates sooner for him than for michael? if so, i'll take my chances in purgatory. i certainly relate to the goodwill expressed for michael's soul at least, if not the conditions attached.
Hayden,
If my post gave the impression that salvation is cheap and easy to come by, that was not my intention. The intent was to question how we as a people can assume that, because someone is "tortured" and shows no fruits of His Spirit, that they are most probably and eternally lost on the day they breathed their last breath? Were we there in their private moments, could we read their thoughts, hear their hearts, know whether or not they thought of Christ?
The man hanging on the cross beside Jesus only asked that he be remembered when Jesus went to His Kingdom, and Jesus told him that he would be with Him in paradise on that very day. (Luke 23:42,43) Wait a minute! What kind of life did this man live? What did he do that earned him a crucifixion? And Jesus forgives him on the spot? Why? He didn't much live a good life, did he? Or maybe the point is that he expressed genuine faith in Jesus and His claims. Kind of late to express faith, no? Well, see Matthew 20:1-16. Who better to weigh a man's soul than God Himself?
Renee,
I think that you are reading a bit much into the man hanging on a Cross. While He did ask that Jesus remember him when Jesus went to be in paradise, it was not just being remembered that saved Him. It was the one that hung on the Cross that died for his sins that brought the man into Paradise. His attitude in contrast to the other criminal is very informative.
One very well known commentator puts it this way:
"The penitent thief's prayer reflected his belief that the soul lives on after death, that Christ had the right to rule over a kingdom of the souls of men, and that he would soon enter that kingdom despite His impending death. His request to be remembered was a plea for mercy, which also reveals that the thief understood he had no hope but divine grace, and that the dispensing of that grace lay in Jesus' power. All of this demonstrates true faith on the part of the dying thief, and Christ graciously affirmed the man's salvation (v 43)."
I think that is a good way to look at this passage. I do hope that Michael Jackson did have a deathbed conversion but I wouldn't have any quarrel with God if that didn't happen. Michael's death was sudden and his close group of friends that he had around him can hardly be called Gospel centered.
I have no quarrel with Matthew 20:1-16 because God is ultimately the one who saves, but Renee remember that God is glorified either way.
He is holy, just, righteous, true and loving and He gets the glory whether you or I are saved or not. Just because Mr. Jackson had such a tortured life does not mean that he gets a pass on this.
We are called to discern, and yes even judge at times. (Matthew 7:1-6)
You are correct that Michael Jackson could have repented and believed before his death. That is a possibility for anyone! Do you hold out that same hope for men like Sadaam Hussein or the child rapist on death row, or is it just Michael because of his tortured past.
You have a wonderful gift in writing (I looked at your blog, I read your blog article on the Shack).
I do not quarrel with the fact that God can save anyone He likes at anytime (He saved me and I never thought that would happen). Just make sure that you do not allow your emotional attachment and empathy for Michael Jackson to cloud the fact that even if He did not repent and believe, God is glorified.
When you say to me, 'You don't know whether or not he was saved' I would say 'neither do you'. I would use his life and legacy as an illustration of a tragic misuse of a gift that God had given him. At some point we will all stand before God and answer for our use of what He has given us.
Aj,
Salvation is in Christ alone and is not dependent upon your sincerity or your goodness. All our righteousness is like 'filthy rags' before a Holy God. The Gospel has us all on equal footing, we are all in need of salvation no matter what has happened to us on this earth! Michael Jackson and George Bush are equally offensive before a Holy God that hates sin. The only difference between a Christian and a non-Christian is that a Christian accepts the truth of 2 Cor. 5:21
He [God] made Him [Christ] who knew no sin [= Jesus never sinned] to be sin on our behalf [= take the punishment of our sin, and your sin in particular] so that we might become the righteousness in God in Him. [this was done on behalf of the sinner when Jesus died on the Cross]
No one is more 'righteous' than another person because of their actions. The only way that any of us can stand before a Holy God is because the righteousness of Christ.
If you haven't read Tim Keller's book "The Reason for God" I would suggest that you pick up a copy and have a Bible in front of you and deal with his arguments in the book.
hayden,
if my salvation is in christ alone regardless of my sincerity or goodness, does that mean that simple lip service to his existence and greatness on my deathbed is enough to save me? if under the threat of eternal damnation, a priest hears me utter a sentence affirming my belief in the father almighty with my dying breath, am i covered? if so that's a pretty sweet deal. i hope i don't sound argumentative or disrespectful because it's not my intention. i have the utmost respect for people of faith and their inteligence. i imagine i'm somewhat jealous to be honest. but having been raised by a gay man whom i know to have been a great man, who made no choice to be gay, and was undoubtedly a positive influence on the universe, i have a hard time subscribing to any school of thought that doesn't allow for his existence exactly as he was. we've all witnessed in just our lifetime so many attrocities perpetrated in name of the lord that it makes it easy for those of us with little or no faith in "Him" to feel backed in to an adversarial relationship with "Him". "He" is so often misrepresented and unjustly wielded by the most devout followers. i have to say it's refreshing and encouraging to hear from level headed and peaceminded christians who aren't afraid of or offended by this conversation. i may just check out mr. kellers book to further my own personal search for truth. as the debate continues in my mind, i do my best to keep it informed by both sides of the issue and what i've read from this site i find both welcoming and interesting.
Nice post. Thanks.Michael's fans will mourn him for a good while, reminds me of when Elvis died. Except, there will be many who mock him. I actually get caught up in talking about all his weirdness. I apprciate the honest compassion in your words. And I need to cool it a bit Thanks.
Michael was very talented, but he did nothing really that entertained me, though with the Jackson Five I sort of like a couple of his songs, though I was in high school at the time. I think my daughter had his Thriller LP. However, I did enjoy watching him do that Moon Dance thing. How did he do that?!
Excellent summary of Poor MJ. He was an object of pity even with his fame. I am happy for his children that now have an opportunity for a normal life.. and perhaps an exposure to the gospel
Hayden,
I'm not sure that we disagree and I'm wondering why I even bother writing to clarify that what you say is what I've said in a different way. I hope you don't confuse me with other posts that feel that if Michael was tortured, he should therefore be recompensed with peace and salvation. The gospel is clear on the narrow path that leads to God.
I emphasized "faith", I emphasized God's sovereignty in weighing a man's soul. The masses, myself included, get caught up with what media spews on any given subject. It's hard to make out our own thoughts from TMZ's hardline slander and CNN's newspeak. A lot of people's opinions will sway with media whims - and most of what we know about Michael Jackson is based on corporate media - an entity that feeds on scandal, true or false.
I hesitate to judge celebrities put on pedestals by the public - they have the unfortunate task of trying to defend why they are humans...like the rest of us.
Renee,
I am sorry if it came across that I was being argumentative. Forgive me if that is how it was taken. I just wanted to make sure that this was not a kind of "Mother Theresa" thing where people disregarded the things she said in hope of a deathbed conversion.
AJ,
Remember, for truth to be truth is has to reside outside of our own minds and system of thought. Just because you believe something is true does not make it so. I trust that the Bible is what it says it is. You do not. One of us is right and one is wrong. Simple as that. Either the Bible is true or it is not!
Tim,
Thanks for addressing this. I think a lot of Christians, reformed Christians in particular, are ignoring this from an in-the-world-but-not-of-it point of view. Which is fair enough I suppose.
But I'm glad you wrote this piece. I too was saddened by what happened because I was only too aware that he had been "dying" for a long time. He really is the poster boy for what is wrong with this world; a tragic reminder of how fleeting life is, how everything really is a meaningless chasing after the wind. He had everything life could offer but he didn't have the one thing he truly needed -- peace that comes from walking with God.
Personally, being a reformed MJ fan and proud to admit it, I will remember the Jackson 5, 'Off The Wall and 'Thriller' Michael, a shining talent who established himself long before it all went downhill ... or at least before it became truly disturbing.
Thanks again.
Beautiful post. The death of Michael Jackson, as well as that of Farrah Fawcett and Ed McMahon strikes me with the vanity of life. Tragically, so many of us live life devoted to things that will not matter one second after death. I pray Mr. Jackson repented of his sin and turned to the One who can redeem the most messed up and tortured of creatures. However, one comment stated truthfully that the Lord is glorify whether Jackson turned to Him or cursed Him. God is righteous. He alone is worthy to judge the soul of a man.
I appreciate the respect, honesty and beauty of so many of these comments. I suppose being confronted with death often causes us to weigh our words, humble our opinions and number our days, so to speak.
Hayden-Your allusion to Mother Teresa piques my curiosity. I am interested to learn what you mean by "the things she said." Could you link an article or a source I could read that would give more meaning to your phrase?
AJ-I appreciate your honesty. I hope you continue to seek truth because the Truth will set you free. Jesus, arguably the most earth changing man of all ages, said that he is the truth. On a personal note, I'm sure the often vitrolic sentiment toward the homosexual lifestyle coming from the Christian community has tainted your view of those who follow (or claim to follow) Jesus Christ. I hope you will hear more loudly a voice of love. Such a love that refuses to let us remain the way that we are and passionately offers us redemption. This redeeming love is from God. I was once a bitter liar, lying to anyone about anything. My lies consumed me to the point where I craved them and could not stop if I had wanted to. But God (my vary favorite phrase, but God) loved me enough to not allow me to remain a liar. He freed me from my sin, although it was my comfortable lifestyle. God does not merely want homosexuals to become heterosexual. He wants to free us from every stronghold of sin (even heterosexual lust) and transform us into His sons and daughters.
Grace and Peace
Sara,
Read her newly released letters. (One of the people in the congregation that I am privileged to pastor read some to me) I am not sure if they are on the web. There are all sorts of struggles she talks about and also much in the 'works = righteousness' category. What a tortured existence she led, and you would never know it from her kind face.
I believe the book is entitled "Mother Theresa: Come Be My Light". I remember all sorts of evangelicals bending over backwards to 'hope' her into the kingdom. She believed a 'different Gospel' (Galatians 1:8,9) and no matter how much she did in works it did not make her 'just' before God. She did far more that I have ever done in the 'works of mercy' category and I am thankful that my salvation is not based on my works but the work of Jesus Christ who died for my sin on the cross. What grace. Or as John says in his Gospel 'grace upon grace'.
God is merciful and if he did call on Him before dying, God would forgive. I just hope he had time to do so. I just read 23 minutes in Hell by Bill Wiese. What a book! I am sorry for anyone who is there or who goes there. We must warn people about this terrible place, then it's up to then to accept or reject.
"I just read 23 minutes in Hell by Bill Wiese. What a book!"
Indeed. You might be interested in Tim's review here.
Reading the comments above regarding deathbed conversions as well as Mother Theresa believing a different gospel, I wonder how does one appropriate the atoning work of Christ? Is it by the traditional route of saying a sinner's prayer? Does one have to get all the theological points right before one enters God's presence? What is faith? Is it an assent to correct theology?
My thoughts are that faith is confidence in a Person, trust, love, abandonment. Sometimes faith may be expressed in works of mercy, as in the judgement of the sheep and goats: the real children of God are the ones who showed love and kindness to the least (thereby showing it to Christ Himself) while the people who seemed to understand it all were never known.
Clearly the Scripture is not silent on what constitutes salvation.
Romans 10:8-11 is informative.
Remember, salvation is of the Lord (Ephesians 2:8-10) and He has made it clear that He is the one who saves.
Our works of mercy do no save us! Those who are saved are to do works of mercy (James 2:14-26) but the works do in no way attribute to salvation otherwise that would mean that Christ's sacrifice is not enough for your salvation.
My advice to you is to read through the Gospels and see Jesus calling people to 'repent and believe' and also telling people to 'take up their cross and follow me'.
Faith is defined for you in Hebrews 11 and do not take some mystical view on faith.
Doctrine is not the enemy but our ally in sanctification. No one has all of their points of doctrine correct, BUT in order to be saved one must have a correct view of salvation.
It is clear that Mother Theresa did not, just look at her writings. No matter how many works that she did.
PS Go through the 'sheep and goats' judgment of Matthew 25 more carefully and really study it. Even use some useful commentaries. I believe it will change the way that you are looking at it right now. Scripture never contradicts itself and it is clear from Scripture that salvation is by faith alone in Christ alone and is a gift from God alone. No one's faith saves them, it is Christ that saves and only faith in His sacrifice on your behalf.
Very true, Hayden. Salvation is of the Lord. He will be that final judge based on a person's life and "motives". It would be arrogant for us to assume anything about a person's final days prior to their departure.
Hi Hayden,
I like what you said about taking up the cross and following Jesus, this is our salvation - not our work of following Him but we follow because we have faith, we become lost in Him. I guess my view is that faith encompasses much more than believing in a particular doctrine about salvation, it is belief in a Person - Christ Himself, the pearl of great price for Whom we sell everything we have. It takes the whole man, mind, will, everything.
However, the parable of the sheep and goats seems to make it clear that some did not even know they had faith, they did not have a picture of Christ yet somehow the faith and goodwill they showed towards the least was imputed to Christ because He was present in the least. Most commentaries and study Bibles I looked at before try to twist the text to fit a theological system, I'd rather look at the text itself. I just looked the the NLT study Bible on the rich young ruler and they have a note that says that he was not really rejected because he did not give up his possessions, it was for some other reason (probably to show that we are all sinners) - now this is reading one's theology into a passage and there was no scriptural or Greek justification for this note.
I think our theology has to take a back seat to Christ's teachings, I'm not saying they contradict but that maybe our view of things is too small.
Good post, Tim. I was a little troubled by all the hate speech I was hearing from Christians after Michael Jackson's death. While I certainly don't think that Christianity is "soft" or lovey dovey, I do think that compassion ought to sit at the core of our religion. Like you, Tim, I am grieved when I hear that a celebrity passes without knowing Christ.