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False Messages: A New E-Book
- 09/07/10
- 11
Last year I wrote a series of articles I titled Sexual Detox (which was subsequently made available in e-book and then printed book format). It was a series that dealt with the effects of pornography and which encouraged men to go through a kind of detox that would rid their minds and hearts of all the junk left there by their exposure to pornography.
While I had expected a lot of feedback on a series that dealt with such a difficult topic, I had not anticipated how many comments and emails would come from women. I passed most of these to my wife who did her best to answer them, mostly by email. All of those emails and the questions they contained formed the starting point for a second series, one directed at women. And now I'm glad to be able to give that to you in e-book format.
False Messages is a book for women. It is written by my wife, Aileen, and seeks to help women, whether wives or wives-to-be, to understand the purpose and the power of sex and sexuality. It encourages them to put away the false messages they have believed about sex and to reorient themselves around the truth. Since God is the one who created sex, he is the one who must direct it.
False Messages is available as a 21-page e-book and is free to download. You are free to print it, email it and distribute it as you see fit.
I am a follower of Jesus Christ, a husband to Aileen and a father to three young children. I worship and serve as a pastor at 
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Comments (11)
FYI, the “Sexual Detox” link in the story above jumps to a dead link (http://www.challies.com/../../christian-living/sexual-detox-the-e-book).
Here’s the correct one:
http://www.challies.com/christian-living/sexual-detox-the-e-book
Same thing goes for the download button from this post too.
This ebook can be found here:
http://www.challies.com/writings/books-e-books/false-messages
Thanks, PointSpecial. I’m not seeing that problem, but will update the links anyway.
I read the detox article, and am grateful for this new ebook, which I hope to share with my wife. It is exactly how I feel, but I also have to wonder about myself as a long-married man — while I am craving closer intimacy with my wife, I need to be careful: am I trying to replace my relationship with God (which is not very strong right now. Too busy, and not enough prayer and Bible/quiet times) with intimacy with my wife?
Sex is so powerful — it’s an easy tool for the devil. I am sure convincing me that my desire for sex with my wife is holy, right and true could continue to be used as a wedge to keep me from God.
Just a thought.
Great work, both of you! What an important resource to make available and at no cost! I read the series Aileen wrote and you posted so many months ago. It was really well done.
What a fabulous resource~ both this and the one for men. We’ve downloaded both as we feel they are great discipleship tools (and great reminders for ourselves!)
Blessings,Lindsey
Thank you for making this available in this format; I found it very helpful.
Tim, these three ebooks are a terrific resource for men and women.I’ve taken you offer, “You are free to print it, email it and distribute it as you see fit” at face value and added these three books to our website. If you would rather I did not, or wish me to acknowledge you in a way other than I have done, let me know and I will do so.Soli Deo Gloria, Don
As a husband, reading this looks exactly like what I’m currently going through. Since our children were born we’ve been basically on the “once a month” program and the response is usually “let’s make it a quickee”. It’s very frustrating. The words “why does it always have to be about sex” when making advances for the second time in a month are indeed devastating emotionally.
Here’s my question…how in the world do I show this article to my wife? Here’s my fear (irrational as it may be), I read it through the eyes of someone who has put sex on the extreme back-burner and they take it is just another way to “guilt/push” them into having sex with me out of my own selfishness (leading to the anger and resentment as nuanced in the article) because now you’re saying that I’m a “bad Christian/wife” because I’m exhausted/overworked/etc., see it IS all about sex. Sigh.
I’m terrified of this backfiring. I don’t know what to do.
I'm terrified of this backfiring. I don't know what to do.
That’s a tough one, Anonymous. It sounds to me like you haven’t been doing a lot of leading in this area so now, to step up and try to take leadership in a time of desperation, may seem like an entirely selfish move.
What I would suggest, I think, is to go ahead and do it anyway. This is an area where God calls you, as husband, to lead. So take leadership. You’ll need to do it gently and repentently (apologizing to your wife for being a hesitant leader here) but trusting that it’s God’s plan that you and your wife have sex and that you have sex regularly. God is on your side in this one and, ultimately (assuming that your wife is a believer), so is she. So trust that God will work in and through your attempt to be a godly leader even here.
Tim, I honestly don’t know how to encourage you with words. The Lord has used you to encourage me and, yet, revealing the deep things that the Lord is teaching me in my heart are hard to express in words. I just read your response to Anonymous about trusting the Lord by discussing this topic with his wife and it convicted me greatly. Do I love God in a manner that honors my husband in this area? This has been a very good discussion and has made me rethink my attitudes. I’m a work in progress in this area having come to Christ later in life. I was exposed to many wrong views about sex because of my past and these articles really help me to change my thinking.
I read your wife’s ebook. It was very thought-provoking. I’m still thinking about it days later. Thank you Aileen for taking the time to write. I have never met you but I love you for the words that you wrote.