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Things I Hate About America
- 01/18/07
- 161
When I was a kid, my family would travel to the United States every year or two. We would visit friends or family or just find some new and exciting place to settle down for a short vacation. I always enjoyed this trips to the U.S. but noted some peculiarities about American culture. This tends to surprise Americans, but things really are quite a bit different up here in the Great White North.
In recent years I have had far more opportunities to travel to America. My parents moved to Atlanta about seven years ago and since then we have made the long drive at least once or twice a year. And since I began liveblogging, I have visited all kinds of American cities (with a whole lot more being on my itinerary this year). I have found there are some things about America that I strongly dislike (and a few that I really like). So here I present to you a look at Sixteen Things I Hate About America (And A Few Things I Love). It all starts at the border with the…
Border Guards. It seems that the American border guards simply assume that once I am in their country I will never want to leave. This seems to be a problem that plagues the southern border of the U.S. more than the northern one, but the attitude definitely presents itself even up here. Unlike their Canadian counterparts, American border guards seem to feel the need to wear guns just to keep people out! I don’t suppose it ever occurs to them that perhaps, just perhaps, I really do want to leave their country someday (and someday soon, in all likelihood). Other gun-toting grumps in the US include the…
Police. Canadian police exist to keep the peace. This means that they rarely make an appearance unless they are absolutely needed or if you are seriously breaking the law. There is a 20 kilometer an hour buffer. As long as you drive with 20 kilometers per hour of the posted speed limit, it’s almost like having diplomatic immunity. In America the police are out to get you. They lurk at the sides of highways and byways, just waiting to slap you with an outrageous speeding fine for driving 2 miles per hour over the limit. They have a particular affection for slapping out-of-country drivers with these tickets. Thankfully I’ve long-since learned to take it easy on American highways. And continuing on this subject, what’s with the…
Speed Limits? If you’re driving on a Canadian highway you can rest assured that the speed limit is 100 kilometers per hour. You can drive clear across Ontario and this speed limit will pretty well never change. And all Canadians know that on the highways there is a 20 kilometer per hour grace period whereby the police will never bother you until you exceed 120 kilometers per hour (and even then there are usually enough people doing 140 or 150 that the cops only worry about the really bad speeders). In America the speed limits are constantly changing and are strictly enforced. They change from state-to-state, city-to-city and situation-to-situation. They are always in flux and seem entirely unpredictable. Drivers need to be constantly on the lookout to monitor the changing limits lest they wind up with nasty fines. While we’re talking about miles, let’s talk about the…
American System of Measurements. I have three questions about this system. Who made it, what medication was he on, and where can I get some? I assume if I take a bit of this I’ll be able to finally figure out the logic behind the Imperial system. Continuing to use this completely nonsensical system may be about the greatest display of American obstinacy. It simply makes no sense whatsoever. And speaking of greatests, what is with the American obsession with…
Greatests, biggests and longests?. Everywhere you go in the United States you see signs advertising the biggest this or the longest that. I’m quite sure this is largely an American phenomenon. What I want to know is this: is there a governing body that examines claims to be the biggest and longest? Is there a Bureau of Biggest or Commissioner of Comparison that examines and verifies these claims? If I am going to spend my hard-earned money at Fulton County’s largest flea market, I want to have some sort of assurance that it really is the largest flea market! One thing I am sure of is that America does not have the world’s nicest…
Money. Why is American money all the same color (and I’ll grant that this is slowly beginning to change as a tiny bit of color has been introduced into more recent bills)? Color-coding is a good thing. With just a glance one can tell the difference between the bills, rather than having to examine the face of an ex-President. Another annoyance with American money is the fact that there is…
No Two Dollar Denomination. Two dollar bills are a good thing. Two dollar coins are an even better thing. Having twenty 1 dollar bills in my wallet is always a bad thing. Of course one of those 1 dollar bills is enough to purchase a can of…
Coke. It seems many people do not know this, but there is a difference between Canadian and American Coke. In the American recipe the Coke is sweetened with corn syrup while in Canada it is sweetened with sugar. The corn syrup leaves a strong and unpleasant aftertaste while the sugar simply burns off your taste buds so you couldn’t possibly know if there is an aftertaste. An informal poll I conducted shows that 66% of people prefer the taste of Canadian Coke. You probably would too if you were able to compare. Another bad aftertaste comes from…
Grits. I can’t believe grits are considered food fit for human consumption. It is with good reason that they are not available up here. I couldn’t have imagined anything could have a worse combination of bland taste and disgusting consistency than porridge, but grits came through! Of course of you like grits you probably also like…
Waffle House. My brother-in-law tells me that the Mason-Dixon line is going to be renamed the IHOP-Waffle House Line. It seems that the moment you cross into Kentucky Waffle Houses appear at every exit of the Interstate. Their bland, yellow signs that look like a throwback to the sixties ruin the scenery across the South. If I wanted to see something at every exit and every corner I would want to see a…
Tim Horton’s. Canada’s best donut chain dots the Canadian landscape (and Canadian military bases around the world), but America seems almost devoid of Timmy’s. Where do Americans go for a great cup of coffee and a good donut? It’s a shame, really, that they can’t go to Tim Horton’s. I have, however, noticed one or two of them in…
Ohio. It seems to me that the United States would be better off without Ohio. As I see it, it is a state that has no real function other than to increase the distance between Canada and Atlanta by a few hundred miles. So I propose that Ohio be eliminated. This would require moving the NFL Hall of Fame from Canton, but I am sure there are many states that would be happy to take it on. I think the phrase “being inducted into Albuquerque” has an even better ring than “being inducted into Canton.” I suppose eliminating a state would be considered bad manners. And speaking of bad manners, why do Americans always…
Leave Their Shoes On In The House. In the rest of the world it is considered impolite to leave your shoes on inside someone else’s house. Yet in America it is considered perfectly normal behavior. Go ahead and tramp through water, snow and mud and then walk into the house, cross the carpet and why not put your feet up on the coffee table? Americans like to put their feet up while they watch…
Sports. The American obsession with sports is unparalleled. Canadians find it both shocking and hilarious to see Americans obsess with amateur sports such as those at the high school and college level. In Canada a high school football team plays before a handful of the players’ moms. In college they play before a handful of girlfriends. And yet in America, high school teams play before the entire community and can attract tens of thousands of fans. High school football has more fans in the U.S. than professional football does in Canada. On an unrelated note, do you really need…
150 Foot-Tall Signs beside the highway? In Canada we have rules about how high signs can be and trust me, it is a good thing. Everywhere you go in the United States you find signs reaching hundreds of feet into the air. Five hundred thousand candlepower lights illuminate these signs, lighting up the countryside for miles around. Sometimes the extra light comes in handy, though, especially when using the…
Highway Entrance and Exit Lanes. Is there any particular reason these have to be so short? Rather than having a couple hundred meters to make your way over and prepare to exit, in America you have to wait until the precise moment to rip your car into a 45 degree turn to exit the highway. When entering the highway, you have all of two or three car lengths to merge with the traffic. I have just one more complaint and it has to do with the word…
Huh? Since when is this considered a polite way of responding to a question? In the same area of the world where children refer to their parents as “sir” and “ma’am” why is it acceptable to say “huh?” when you do not understand something? What happened to “pardon?” or “excuse me?” My sisters used to be so polite. Now that they are American they just keep blurting “Huh?” all the time. It appears to be chronic.
I do not want to give the impression that everything about America is bad. As a matter of fact, there are plenty of great things. Here are a few:
Border Guards. “Wait!” you say, “I thought you hated them.” Well I do, but at least they seem to care about who gets into America. The Canadian border guards seem like they couldn’t possibly care less who or what crosses the border. I suppose they just figure that not too many terrorists are beating down the doors to exit the U.S. in order to commit horrifying acts in Canada. One thing that hasn’t crossed the border is…
Chick-Fil-A. Now that is some good eating. The chicken sandwiches are delicious and I really dig those waffle fries. Mmm mmm good! In-N-Out Burger is another chain that I would love to see up here. Another thing that is good is…
Driving North to South. I love how the mileage signs count down the miles before you hit the next state. It’s a great way of keeping track of just how far until the next Chick-Fil-A. I don’t think you can find any Chick-Fil-A’s in…
Pennsylvania. After visiting this state many times in my youth I have developed something of an attachment to it. I guess I can say I consider it my favorite state to visit. Going there helps me understand…
American Patriotism. In Canada we are proud not to be American. In America people are proud to be part of what they truly believe is the greatest country in the world. There is something to be said for believing so strongly in your country. And as an apathetic Canadian, I can’t help but admire it. As Canadians we are mostly just glad not to be American and in fact, that is pretty well how we define ourselves. Americans love to be American. Canadians just love not being American. It’s a strange thing.
So there you have it. There are things about America I hate and things I love. Please don’t hate me for that! If an American would like to take on Canada in similar fashion, feel free and I’ll link to your effort (hint: Canada is the country immediately above your own).
Please note that this article is meant to be tongue-in-cheek. I really do love America. Or I like it, at any rate. Long-time readers may recognize this as being awfully similar to an article I posted several years ago. What can I say? I got to thinking about these things again…
I am a follower of Jesus Christ, a husband to Aileen and a father to three young children. I worship and serve as a pastor at 
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Comments (161)
As a Canadian living in America (and now an America citizen), I particularly agree with your observations on the lack of Tim Horton’s, and the propensity for people to not take their shoes off when entering a person’s home. I always take my shoes off and some host’s get embarrassed that I do that. I’m not sure why. It just makes sense.
However, I lived in Ohio for 6 years, and though it’s not the most exciting state, I can think of 10 other states that should be eliminated or merged with another state.
Tim,Funny, funny stuff. Thanks for a good laugh early in the morning (for me). As a fellow canadian who was born in the states, so much of this rang hilarious. Except for Tim Hortons. I have serious, and i mean serious, doubts that Tim Hortons coffee can in any way be considered coffee. It’s the weakest, most bland tasting tripe i’ve ever had. ugh. and the donuts? ok, but gimme krispy kreme any day. apart from timmys, though, great observations. lots of fun.
Mike Swalm
A Tim Horton’s opened two blocks from my house a few years back (upstate NY). I love their breakfast sandwiches, but really can’t stand their donuts, bagels or lunch sandwiches.As for the grits…I tend to agree with you, but that is such a southern thing. Grits are as foreign to those of us in the American north as they are to you.
Here is one for you: Whats the deal with Canadians putting nasty gravy on everything?
Seek out a Five Guys restaurant. They’re making their way as far west as Atlanta now. They are to the hamburger what Chick-fil-a is to the chicken sandwich. Good, quality burger.
http://www.fiveguys.com
You’re just out to cause trouble, aren’t you?
“You’re just out to cause trouble, aren’t you?
No. I am hoping to help American reform.
Tim,
You have not fully experienced America until you spent some time in Wisconsin! I’m telling ya…it’s God’s country :-)
By the way, two dollar bills are making a comeback! I have several of them. They are still pretty rare but still totally accepted in any store.
Hey Tim…
We have this place (and you do, too) called “Starbucks.” Maybe you’ve heard of it before. It beats the heck out of Tim Horton’s crappy coffee and even crappier service.
Sounds like you’re just jealous.
There are $2 bills!! I have some—we just don’t use them. Besides, if they were in high circulation we couldn’t say that someone/thing was “queer as a $2 bill.”
I got a $2-bill every year from my grandmother for my birthday.
You can read about them here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_two-dollar_bill
“It beats the heck out of Tim Horton’s crappy coffee and even crappier service.”
Until Starbucks starts serving chili and chicken salad sandwiches, I’m just not interested! :)
No problem with most of what you wrote, except the sports one. First the highest sports obsessions are on the east coast, over here in CA we forget about the playoff losses within a day or two.
However, even with that said the east coast doesn’t compare to the soccer (football, futbal) obsessions in the rest of the world. So far as I know there have never been large amounts of deaths because of fans rushing the field and hologins raging through the streets beating people.
Just a thought.
:-)
Tim,
I was going to try to stop by and say hey at the Parkside Pastor’s Conference this year, but after the slam on Ohio…
As you stated, Timmy Hortons have been springing up all over down here (far better coffee than Starbucks). And you obviously haven’t been to the Air Force Museum in Dayton! And the Johnny Appleseed Museum! And…and…and…some other really cool places, too!
Jeremiah, Ohio Apologist
Wow, interesting list. You are right about the Canadian border guards - they really don’t care. Over at Niagra falls one time a few years ago, with a bunch of friends from Upstate New York, we got across the border with several minors with insufficient documentation with two 20 year olds in charge. I say looking back that unless you have some sort of permission from parents, this should not be. I crossed an international border with a bunch of young people - who is to say I didn’t abduct them?
Chic-Fil-A - agree there. Also, I’ve had Tim Hortons (there are quite a few in upstate NY, and my theory is that that is the forefront of the Canadian invasion), and don’t get it yet.
Ahhh, the speed limits. In most parts of America, a 10 mph buffer is given, but you have to know if there are any “speed traps”, or towns/municipalities/areas where cops perch to make a quick buck. Looks like you’ve found some, and for that, I’m sorry … but you ARE breaking the law. ;)
Also, as someone said above, many Americans don’t get grits either. You’ve got to be south of the Mason-Dixon line to even see them. (Err - that’s the line between the north and the south - it is physically located at the Pennsylvania/Maryland border, but as a figurative concept, it applies to those in the south - Maryland is no longer a southern state in my opinion.)
Good call on both Pennsylvania and Ohio. I grew up in Pennsylvania, and love that place - I am so happy I get to live so close (and at the same time, am a bit dissatisified that I am stuck in Maryland, of all places, but that’s another story).
Waahhhh.
:^P
I have lived in North Carolina, Oregon, Texas, and currently Kentucky. While Oregon was the most beautiful, the rest I have listed simply do not match Ohio. It is not simply about beauty. I just know that once you cross the Ohio river into the south(Kentucky) you need a passport, cause it is a whole ‘nother country. We need to get those border gaurds on the Ohio River to convince all Ohio citizens to turn around and stay put. I never liked the south….sorry. I am quite comfy with Canada though.
Tim,
Hilarious. As a transplanted Canadian in Texas I think the highways are designed by guys on the same medication as those who designed American Measurement System. Seems the more lanes in a freeway, the shorter the exit notifications (and the shorter the ramp). Same thing with merge lanes. Most times they are too short. Merged once onto a freeway at highway speeds and almost got run off the road by a 18 wheeler when the merge ended in about 10 feet.
You should see the overpasses they call ‘high fives’ down here. Would scare the average pilot - 10 story ramps - and no one can figure ‘em out. Wrong exit and you’re in Albuquerque before you can turn around.
Here in Texas we have signs on all the stores saying concealed weapons are not allowed. If someone has taken the time to conceal it, are they going to pay attention to the sign? Are visible weapons allowed?
I also can’t believe the gigantic portions in restaurants that no one can finish so everyone has a doggie bag that they throw away. What they make up for in quantity they lose in quality. Almost every American restaurant I have been in with a Canadian counterpart, the Canadian restaurant is higher quality — as are the meats in the grocery stores.
Boy I miss Swiss Chalet and Movenpick.
Don’t get me started on Crunchie bars and Smarties.
What I admire is the strong sense of American identity, the ‘get it done’ mindset (vs. talk - which is both good and bad) the emphasis on family, and the respect for military. Southern hospitality can’t be beat, which accounts for the attendance at high school football games. (One way to tell you are in a different country is when you see the high school football scores above the headlines on Sunday’s paper). Oh yeah, the opportunity and lower taxes.
My friends down here love the movie ‘Canadian Bacon’ (polite Mounties - rabid hockey fans) and love all the Canadian entertainers (the largest export I believe). Most of them would love to visit Canada, if they could remember where its located on a map…
Though they say Texas is a whole other country…
Dear Tim,
You have moved up 5 rungs on the ladder of coolness simply by affirming my love for Chik-fil-A is indeed OK, and slamming Waffle House(gag), grits(add butter and salt), and police who lurk (Although I think that exists mostly in Atlanta- a place in which I have spent far too much time as my parents live there too).
My husband is from Europe and he hates our measurement system too. Being married to him has brought my mental math abilities to new heights and he insists on keeping everything in “the old system” as he calls it.
Charity
You Toronto guys make us Western Canadians wince!
For all my American friends out there, please understand that you have friends in Alberta. For example, we still snort at the foolishness of the metric system as all our land is laid out in acres and sections.
Much more could be said, but Albertans tend to be much more agreeable to American sensibilities.
There are now about 300 Timmy’s in the U.S. I guess that’s still only about a 1 / 1,000,000 ratio, but it’s coming (however, I, too, like Starbucks better).
Fun post, Tim!
Re: Waffle House: Amen, brother!Re: Sports: Amen (check out my blog entry for Sunday Jan 15 and you’ll see what I mean…)Re: Lurking policemen - AMEN again! They are everywhere! And speed limits?? I live in suburban Chicago, and you can stay on one road for miles and have the speed limit change at least five times! It’s enough to give you heartburn!
And finally…Re: Chic-Fil-A - A double AMEN, my brother! The worst part of leaving Georgia to move back to Illinois was that I had to leave my beloved Chic-Fil-A! It was almost worth staying for!
Canuck Tim,
Tim Horton’s is wholly owned by Wendy’s, the fast-food burger chain. Wendy’s is headquartered in Dublin, Ohio.
No Ohio, no Timmy’s.
So take off, you hoser!
;-)
Well, to start with, Canada is mostly frozen tundra. Second, as aptly stated in Canadian Bacon, you people cannot properly pronounce the letter “o”. It’s about not aboot. Speaking of Canadian Bacon, has there ever been a greater perversion of something so delicious? Making pork healthy - you people make me sick. And as far as “huh” goes, I’ll take that any day over the canadian “eh” which makes me want to vomit. Second, do you people even have your own country? Isn’t half of you really france and the other half still Great Britain? Canada seems to be where all the royalists went to save their wimpy hides when the rest of us were busy kicking british butt. And cracking on waffle house? Are you kidding me? Where else can you get a waffle, a steak and grits (mmmmm…..griiiiitttsss) while putting some good ol John Denver on the Juke Box. And what’s the deal with hockey? It’s clearly not a real sport as evidenced by the fact that there is no ball involved, and it involves ice skating. In america we all know that ice skating is for sissies - clearly evidenced by the fact that Rocky refused to skate with Adrian but ran on the ice instead. And our cops rock. They don’t show off in their pretty red uniforms with no weapon. They shoot people for speeding. That’s what I like to call awesome. Also, we have something called barbeque (see also “BBQ”) which is the greatest way to cook meat ever. It’s just like a told an Australian I met in London: He said “You do know that everyone hates America, right?” And I said, “Well, that’s the price you pay when you’re number 1.”
Re: speed laws. As another fellow mentioned, there tends to be a buffer of up to 10mph in most places. It’s rumored that the state police in Tx have a saying: “Nine, you’re fine; ten, you’re mine”. Technically, speed traps are now illegal in Tx, but I suspect revenue-hungry small towns have found a dozen ways around that law already.
Re: “American” system of measurements. Once upon a time it was called the English or Imperial system, until the UK was forced to give it up at gunpoint. Many countries went metric through heavyhanded tactics that would be political suicide here. The US govt tried a “Would you please consider trying the metric system?” campaign back in the 70s; the only thing we got out of that campaign is the 2-liter bottle of soft drink.
Re: grits. Add butter and honey (or brown sugar), and it’s quite good.
Re: sports. In Texas, small town high school football games can double or triple the population of a town for a few hours. At the college level, I’ve heard there are still some schools where they don’t charge people who go to watch the football game, but the university in my town has an 80,000 seat stadium and typically charges $50/head for a home game (often filling the stadium).
Let’s see, as a half-Canadian half-American I can comment on1. Border guards - I’ve had to spend more time in Canadian customs and immigration than the American customs and immigration.2. Police - I’ve seen plenty of speed traps in Canada. However, the only speeding ticket I’ve ever received was in Ohio. Enough said about that.3.Speed limit - Why on earth aren’t you paying attention the the traffic control signs, and why would you even consider breaking the law?4. Measurement systems - Ok, you’re right, metric makes more sense, but I also remember how painful it was for Canadians to change. And what exactly was an “Imperial gallon”?5. Biggest, Greatest, Longest - In Alberta within a three hour drive you can visit the Largest Psanka (Easter Egg), Largest Pyrogy, Largest Indoor Mall, the City of Champions, and who knows what else.6. Money,2-dollar Denomination, Shoes, Signs, Entrance/Exit Lanes,- Agreed.7. Coke - Canadian or American, why would any one drink that stuff?8. Grits, Waffle House - Regional specialties that rival gravy on French Fries and instant iced tea.9. Tim Hortons - I do like Tim Horton’s coffee. Starbucks tastes burnt to me.10. Ohio - Have you ever driven across Manitoba and Saskatchewan?11. Sports - My aunt used to sit in her kitchen knitting with the TV on and two radios on, all to different hockey games.12. Huh? - And this coming from the land that is famous for “Eh?”.
“proud American” I second your comments ‘cause I am proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free! America is the greatest country on earth baby, any American who does not think so can get the heck out!…I only have one question about the grits…are you speaking about instant grits?
Actually, there are Chick-Fil-As in Pennsylvania, at least in the Philadelphia area.
You’ve either guaranteed being fired from the Basic’s Conference before it even starts or receiving an incredible amount of grief once it does. I hope it’s the latter because I’ll be there.
Maybe we can get lunch and then take a tour of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame while we’re there.
Oh yeah, I was born in Toledo.
The Police are really sad in the U.S., it’s easier to take on speeders than criminals, and the bottom line is the money. They make tons of money on preventing people from getting places.
I sure hope you were joking about metric, what a lousy system. I think it’s one of the great things about the US, is that we haven’t caved all the way in to the pressure of the one-worlders and their metric system.
I’ve been driving in the US for about 10 years now and I am shocked, SHOCKED, to hear there is a place in the world where you have more than 2 or 3 car lengths of roadway to merge onto the highway. Canada sounds like the promised land, I tell you….
Good stuff again.
One small ‘correction’…
I think the Canadian speed limit buffer is more accurately placed at around %20 above, not 20 kph.
If you were going 60 through a 40 zone, you’d get pulled over almost certainly. Just a warning for all you Americans who want to come up and enjoy some freeway freedom.
Great post, Tim. Great for a mid-day chuckle!
I’m with ya on Ohio. And while we’re at it, how’z about North Dakota?! You guys want it? If so, I’m sure we can work something out (although we’ll want our missiles back).
TomDoctrine Matters
Chick-fil-a is indeed awesome food.
I’m surpirsed you didn’t mention the Varsity here in Atlanta (either love or hate). As we say, a trip to the Varsity will either stop you up or clean you out!
The next time you are here in Atlanta visiting your folks, drop me an email and I’ll give you directions to some of the greatest food around, the Nu-Way in Macon (about an hour or so south from Atlanta). There’s nothing quite like a Nu-Way hamburger and hotdog…since 1914.
Tim,
I’m from the south but generally don’t like grits. But, cheese grits? That’s something else entirely. As long as they’re not watery and have a relatively firm consistency…. soooo good. I recommend you try them at a frou-frou/nouveaux southern restaraunt (where they inexplicably put the meat ON TOP of the mashed potatoes) first to decide whether or not you like them.
Grits with the right amount of shredded cheese and salt are simply glorious.
Also, to really appreciate a ‘waffle house’ dining experience, you need to have been ‘coon’ hunting beforehand at about 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning, running through the woods with some bluetick or redbone hounds barking and yelping like crazy just to tree a helpless, little, furry creature who is guilty of only digging through the garbage once in a while.Grits can’t properly be enjoyed without a raccoon steak alongside of them.
At least that is how we do it in Arkansas.
Furthermore, as a rabidly apathetic american, I have always enjoyed saying the words ‘Saskatchewan’ and ‘Manitoba’— those words simply rock!
On a side note, I am a huge fan of ‘The Band’- four parts canadian and one part Arkansan.
I like Neil Young and I think Jeff Healey can really play, especially for a blind dude.
Also, thank you for Dan Akroyd, Martin Short, Mike Myers, the incredible John Candy, Jim Carrey, Phil Hartman, Eugene Levy, Rick Moranis, Dave Thomas, Leslie Nielsen, Catherien O’hara, James Cameron, Michael J. Fox, Lorne Michaels, The Sutherlands (donald and kiefer), and last but not least, the greatest candadian to ever exist, Alex Trebek.
You can have back Howie Mandel, Tom Green, and William Shatner (or is he a joke up yonder as well?)
Well, in fairness to police in Maryland, they need to enforce the speed limits here. The driving is already bad and stressful, with people whizzing by all the time at 20+ mph over the limit. I had a friend who was in a situation where he was going 75-80 in a 55 because everyone else was going that speed and he couldn’t go slower for fear of getting involved in a crash, and a cop pull him over. Basically, the cop told him “I understand why you were speeding, and I’m not going to ticket you, but I am going to make it look like I’m ticketing you - we’ve got to slow this traffic down.” There are many places here where I hate driving, because the drivers are insane.
Gee, I’m in Pittsburgh, and, well… reading about Chick-Fil-A got me hungry. Now I just need to choose from the several or so around here…. mmmmm!
What’s wrong with Howie Mandell?
What’s wrong with howie mandel?
He’s bald and isn’t funny.
Bobby’s world is his crowning achievement and that isn’t much.
I also forgot about the dreadful celine dion— I beg of all canadians to please get some kind of petition going to have her stop recording and touring— if her success isn’t indicative of the stupidity of americans, I don’t know what is.
Amen. You can certainly have Celine Dion back. I live in Vegas, she lives and does a regular show here and if I hear one more “Near Far!” on a commercial I am going to demand Pres. Bush gets her deported.
Anyone here ever have Artic Circle? It is a Utah based burger joint that makes In N Out look like cat food.
I previously forgot to mention a couple of folks on my list of great canadians:
Raymond Burr (perry mason)Lorne Green (bonanza)Michael Ironside (quite possibly the greatest canadian export in the arts— his work in Highlander II- the quickening, Free Willy, The Next Karate Kid, and Total Recall is not to be missed by fans of stellar cinema)
Also, while on the topic of canada, what is it with the twisted mayo fetish? What don’t canadians put mayo on? French fries, pizza, ice cream, hot dogs, etc.
simply nasty.
i love to examine cultural differences, so this post amused me probably even more than i’d admit. especially since canada doesn’t seem that far away, but is apparently another world in reality. interesting.
although, i have long since figured out that the rest of the united states is not much like los angeles. that is a different story. but we all still hate the metric system, and have no knowledge of geography whatsoever (like… where’s alberta and toronto? for that matter… kentucky borders ohio?), unless it has to do with freeways.
Why are $2 coins better than $2 bills?
I have a few loonies and twoonies on my dresser. They are keepsakes from my various trips to Canada. Which is not as cool as America, by the way!
We should have annexed you guys a long time ago.
You have to love Chick-Fil-A. Of course, I’m a biased employee. As for the The Varsity in Atlanta, it didn’t impress me in the least. I’d much rather eat at Truett’s Grill or perhaps the Dwarf House.
I have had several conversations on this theme with a couple of Canadian friends of mine — they never cease to amuse me. But I must reply to your comment about the $2 bill… Coins in the denominations of $1 and $2 simply need to be done away with. I’m sure that both the Canadians and the Australians inherited these coins from the British (with their 1 and 2 coins), and they are far more annoying than $1 bills (they’re far too heavy for one thing), though I will admit that it would be nice if the $2 bill were in greater circulation than it is. It would make life in the retail business around Christmas so much easier…
By the by, no comments on our ice tea?
ya know… i could laugh until i read the part about grits. i don’t know where you’ve had the opportunity to eat grits, but clearly, whoever made them for you was no southerner and was certainly no cook.
as far as doughnuts, i have to say that you serioulsy should check out Krispy Kreme the next time you visit the US. don’t buy stale, nasty, day old doughnuts in the krispy kreme box at the grocery store. go to a krispy kreme store when they have their “hot and fresh” sign flashing and enjoy. they are truly heavenly.
:)
Hey, Proud American
Great Post! I loved it.
One thing missed in all of this, and it ties in with both the American system of measurements and sports, is the tendency of Americans to measure all distances in terms of football fields. A ship is so many football fields long; a building is so many football fields high (as if anyone has ever seen a vertical football field). I expect someone who is six feet tall to say, “I’m 1/50 th of a football field. Or they could do away with mileage signs on their highways. Instead of a mile they could say something like, “Buffalo - 17.6 football fields.”
Take Care
My observations:Walmart- I can’t believe that no one has mentioned the crazy obsession that you Americans have with your beloved Walmart, especially the super Walmarts. We have Walmart’s too but they are much smaller and more normal. I get lost in your Walmarts. I think that a whole civilization could emerge within one of them. Ours don’t sell grocerys, except maybe some canned goods, crackers and junk food…Junk Food- All your candy and junk food is a weird version of ours. Slurpies are gross and flufffy; ours have substance. You also have way more junk food everywhere. There seems to be five Walmart isles devoted to it while we would only have one or two.Language- Your pronouciation of words is either weird or don’t even use the words that we use. Ex. the colour mauve shouldn’t rhyme with sauve it should rhyme with dove, as in, “he dove into the pool”. I would really advise learning the definitions of washroom, touque, cutlery and chesterfield.Alchol in convenience stores- I can not get over this one. Why in the world would you trust a 7-11 clerk to id a minor? Restricting alchol sale to only specially liscenced stores makes way more sense. You can only buy beer here from a liquour store, beer and wine store, or a liscenced resturaunt or pub for consumption there. Fat people- I’m really not sure why this is but as soon as you cross the border into the states one can notice that the average weight of the people around you seems to go up by 20%.No socialized medical system- I love that Canada has a socialized medical system. If I make money I pay into it if I don’t then it’s free. Theoretically everybody gets treated equally. Sure we have to wait longer for specialists but at least even our poor people can get surgury without have major stress about bills afterwards.Welfare- We give people cash. Not sure if that’s a good thing but it’s a very interesting difference.
I’ve needed a reason to reduce my blog aggregator by one or two, and now I’ve found one.