I read this book last spring in preparation for a talk on marriage I gave at a men’s retreat. I think the most telling line was made by Tozer’s wife concerning her husband, Leonard Odam, whom she married after Tozer had passed away: “Aiden Tozer loved Jesus Christ but Leonard Odam loves me.”

No Christian wife should ever be able to say such a thing because her husband should be loving her as Christ loved the church. Clearly, Tozer failed in this respect while Odam succeeded wildly. But is not the neglect of one’s wife by a man used by God a reoccurring theme in Christian history? I am reading a biography of William Carey right now. What a tragic life his wife was forced to live due to his neglect of family “for the sake of the work.”

It is exciting that for the last couple years Regal Books has been releasing previously unpublished works by A.W. Tozer (edited by James Snyder). These are not from his columns but instead are from a treasure trove of over 400 never-before transcribed audio tapes from the 50s and early 60s. The next book will come out in May and is titled A DISRUPTIVE FAITH.

James Snyder also wrote the authorized biography of Tozer (also published by Regal in 2009). In it Snyder has a great introduction called “The Art and Stealth of Christian Biography.” You might enjoy his comments.

I wonder if Tozer is simply the last of his breed.

As I noted in your post about Eric Liddell, Liddell’s parents would be vilified today for putting their kids in boarding schools for years on end. Indeed, many of the missionaries we most admire put their earthly families way down the list of importance, yet somehow, we still admire them.

The generations are different. I’m far more emotionally aware than my father was, but even he was a big step up from his own father.

I suspect that many of our heroes of the faith, if we were to meet them today, would be less likable and approachable than we want to imagine. They may not agree with us on what constitutes a “sin against one’s family.” They might even hold us as slackers in the faith because we have differing views due to cultural and societal change. Are our modern missionaries as dedicated as Hudson Taylor, who buried most of his family in China? What would a praying man like George Mueller or E.M. Bounds think of the men we admire today for their constancy in prayer? I suspect they would consider our modern heroes lightweights because today’s men are torn in so many directions away from prayer as they seek to conform to all the modern church says they must do to be acceptable.

Sure, we may be more attuned to family quality time, but didn’t our Lord say that those who leave family for the sake of the Gospel will surely NOT lose their reward? Perhaps the nuclear family is the idol of our age. And perhaps someday in the future, our godly grandchildren will chide us for it.

I’ll add one more note.

I get uncomfortable whenever Christians attempt to dissect another person’s life, particularly another Christian’s. If I have learned one thing in 48 years, it’s that ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Every human being is flawed, even our heroes.

Martin Luther held some very discouraging views about Jews later in his life. Calvin had his asceticism and Servetus issues. Francis Schaeffer evidently wasn’t the best father. One day someone might even write a book about the odd side of John Piper. As someone who knows people who knew R.C. Sproul in his younger days, well…

We can’t examine other’s specks unless we want our own logs pointed out.

The question I must always ask is, “Where am I in my standing with Christ?” I really don’t have enough time to be critical of another servant because my sin is always before me. And I think that I am not alone in this.

So the “feet of clay” and “how sad that he was like that” musings only tend to play up our own self-righteousness. We need to do a much better job of understanding our own lacks before we dare step into the lacks of others.

DLE, Your comments are well taken. My “feet of clay” statement is simply to say that as men and women of God we must realize our actions always have consequences whether they are good or bad. Yes, history, indeed, even Biblical characters, are flawed. After all, didn’t Jesus say something about that in the wheat and tares? I have the profoundest respect for Tozer. I love his writings. I love his example of Christ centeredness. Just as I love the writings of Spurgeon or Savonarola or Calvin or Luther. I love much of what Calvin said. I don’t like some of the things he did. Peter, the apostle, was a blow hard, but look at the results of his ministry. We all have clay feet and must do our best to do battle with the demons in us as Paul points out in Romans. We must fight the good fight, perservere, struggle with our inner selves, our natural man that wars within us. But as Tozer tried, and Calvin, and Luther, and St. Ignatius of Loyola and many of the great Saints of history, we must always seek Christ and his grace to use whatever he can of us to reach a lost and dying world.

A. W. Tozer’s *Pursuit of God* and *Man: The Dwelling Place of God* are two books that draw me into the secret place of God. This secret place is the resting place of enjoying the Holy Trinity’s constant, conscious presence. I do not abide in Christ continually like I should, but Tozer’s writings assist me in getting there. I am most grateful for A. W. Tozer’s writing and preaching ministry for his words lead me to love my Lord more deeply and intimately.

Tozer’s family struggles are not new information. James A. Snyder’s *In Pursuit of God* biography noted that inconsistency some time ago (1991).

*As a family man, Tozer had his share of contradictions and incongruities. Tozer was the product of his rural upbringing and its division of labor. His mother had major responsibility for the household and the children, himself included. His father devoted his attention to the farm work. Although urban church ministry was very different from the farm, Tozer saw his wife’s role as essentially similar to his mother’s.Tozer’s goal was God. His pursuit of God demanded that all else be secondary. After all, Jesus said, “Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:33). He also said, “Any one who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me” (Matthew 10:37). In a sense, Tozer saw his family as a distraction from his supreme goal of knowing God. (pg. 179).*

Tozer behaved like many men of “the greatest generation ever” who placed work and career ahead of family nurture and personal availability. This is no excuse, but Tozer’s lack of response to his wife’s needs was very typical of the fathers/husbands of that time. I live near what was once a great steel producing town. I remember as a child, the workers coming out of those factories and driving straight to the closest bar, Elk’s lodge, or labor union hall. From five p.m. to ten p.m., they would smoke, drink, shoot billiards, and neglect their families. As long as these men were materially providing for their families, all was considered right by them in the world. To my knowledge, Tozer neither smoke nor drank, but he did give his all to the task of seeking God. By being completely involved in his work to the neglect of his family, Tozer may have taken on the mentality of that age.

Warren Wiersbe relates this story in one of his preaching books about Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones and A. W. Tozer. They both were invited to speak at the same Bible conference. (I wish I could have been there.) At dinner one evening, Tozer turned to Lloyd-Jones and said, “We are both trying to get to the same place—intimacy with God. You are doing it through the Puritans and me through the Mystics.” After a brief pause, the good Doctor responded, “I agree.”

Calvinist or Wesleyan or Mystical or Deeper Life—we have far more in common than we realize.

Let us not judge the man. However, if I had had the privilege of knowing him at the time, and had seen this error in his family life, I would have been very interested in his thoughts on the Apostle Paul’s entreaty to husbands:

Ephesians 5:25-28, 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

In Christ,

Dan…

Is there more context or clarification around Tozer’s wife’s statement that provides an insight into what she meant or felt when she said it? Isn’t it possible that she could make this a simple statement of fact, without accompanying bitterness or resentment? If she can, she’s a better woman than me. I’m the adult daughter of a pastor who lived in just such a home, and I’ve wrestled at times with bitterness at times over it. Aside from God’s providence, it was the reason I did not become a believer until I’d become an adult and moved away.

Had Jesus spent all His time in prayer and fellowship with His Father, we would be lost. But He emptied Himself of His glory, took on the form of a bondservant, washed His disciples’ feet, and hung on a cross, for His children. That was the greatest measure of His love. That is the highest calling of every believer, including pastors.

It’s ironic that I’ve grown up to be a lot like my father. I love to write and study and teach. Many people have said kind, affirming things about my gifts. But I’ve put those things to the edge of my life for now because my highest calling is to my family. I remember all too well what all the nights of closed study doors and not coming to my school events and having a life completely oriented around my Dad’s “calling”, rather than his God, taught me as a child. I say this without (much) bitterness. All of that sin was laid on Jesus, and I need and have God’s love, which is far greater and more perfect than the love of even the godliest husband or father.

So I would have asked Mrs. Tozer what she learned about God’s love for her, as she wrestled with her husband’s lack of love. That might be a truer measure of her heart.

The book says that Mrs Tozer was not bitter about Aiden’s lacks. She repeated says he was a great man, but he had clear faults. Dorsett has a very good introduction about why we need to look at the whole of a person, not just their strenghts. Essentially if we ignore their weaknesses then we begin to believe that we can reach levels of ‘maturity’ that are just not possible in this life.

EM Bounds is another good example of a great man of prayer that neglected family. Billy Graham was not nearly to this extent, but said recently his main regret in ministry was neglect of family. Hagiography is not useful for spiritual development of the reader.

I think we need these examples particularly to show us that God can use fallen people. I think some fall into the trap thinking that grace is for salvation. But grace is more than that. Grace is what allows God to use imperfect people for great things.

No doubt, A.W. Tozer was not without human flaws. I don’t feel any need to put him on a pedastal. But I think it is wrong for readers of a bio to assume that every perspective put forth by a biographer, who could only speak to his subject’s wife and children, is true or correct. It is possible for a godly woman to misunderstood her husband due to personality differences and to negatively influence others by simply stating her interpretation of events as fact, when those kinds of things are largely subjective. For spouses, historians, and authors this is true. We are not talking about cut and dry things, But about the way a family was led and how it functioned and how all were affected. And the missing piece in all of this, is the input of the leader who is possibly the victim of jabs fom others who may simply have never gotten the man who was their father. I am not inclined to judge someone dead on the mere hearsay of their spouse or biographer. Nor the children who might have been unfairly influenced by the surviving spouse whose grievances would have been better seen by them than any frustration their father would have hidden.

I am more disturbed by the acceptance as fact of a biographer’s subjective interpretation of subjective matters than by the actual life of Tozer. Readers and reviewers have a scholarly duty to try to maintain some objectivity when reading biographies. I do believe Tozer was faithful to his wife and God.

Barbara, I don’t understand your concern. If the wife, and children all agree that something happened as well as numerous others around the family that really ceases to be subjective in the way you are suggesting.

One example is that Aiden did not allow his extended family to visit them. You might be able to argue that we can never really know why Aiden did not allow the family to visit. But if Aiden tells his wife and children why the extended family was not allowed to visit, it is no longer hearsay. It is now reporting. I would suggest you read the biography. It is very balanced and pretty well documented for a pretty short popular biography. Tozer died less than 50 years ago. These are not long dead people. I believe several of his children are still alive.

Ada was not a bitter spouse and the children were not bitter children. (unlike EM Bounds kids, some of which held life long grudges and never came back to the faith.)

Hi guys,

There seems to be a few components missing from the discussion here which strikes me as a little odd considering the audience. First, why was it that Tozer wasn’t “exposed” as a rotten father and husband until nearly 30 years after his death? Why not before? And for all his wife’s virtue, why is it that all I hear about A.W.’s wife is regarding her complaints about how horrible a husband A.W. was instead of how much she loved Jesus alongside her husband? That the two of them couldn’t seem to relate in this life, given A.W.’s signular passion, should give us pause. I don’t know what happened between them, and I don’t presume to know, but maybe we should allow for the possibility that there are many hidden things, that if surfaced, might change the whole story. Because as it is now, this narrative doesn’t add up. After all, you would think that such a rotten father and husband would have never left us (by God’s sovereign hand and great kindness) such a treasure trove of wisdom, encouragement and exhortation that we celebrate today, almost 50 years after his death, if he truly was an unrepentant hypocrite.

Just saying.

Brad

Why does a lot of these comments seem voyeuristic to me? It’s no secret all the saints, including you and me have a dark side. We seem to have a dark desire to unearth all the bad qualities of a person today in order to sell books. I’m not just talking about his book, but so many others being written. We seem to revel in dirt. I guess it relieves us in some twisted way. It makes us feel superior in some way perhaps. Judging from a distance is a dangerous game. When I talked to Mrs. Tozer, I never picked up any thing from her to indicate distain for Dr. Tozer. She was simply stating facts. Her marriage was less than perfect. O.K. I suspect a lot of us have the same problem. We are all broken vessels. So from one cracked pot to the rest of the pottery here, I think we need to visit the potter to get his final judgment.

First off, I think it is wonderful to hear so many men on this site talk about the importance of prioritizing their families. Ephesians 5:28 lives on!

Much of what I have heard here, beginning with Tim’s review, seems to assume that this biography is authoritative or even unbiased. Since when are Christians so willing to believe anything someone’s wife or children say about them, especally many years after death? Perhaps it is more rare than I realized for Christians to be misunderstood and maligned by other Christians who misrepresent them to others. Could any of us imagine that roots of well disguised bitterness and discord can be planted as a wedge between husband and wife, sons and fathers, without the failure primarily being that of the father? I know as a wife that my children’s interpretation of many things is based on my reaction to and support of my husband. But perhaps this would be judgemental to speculate about the wife of a man so many readily fault for neglect. It strikes me as lacking in discernment to not call into question the very personal criticisms made public of a wife against her deceased husband. Is it okay to gossip about one’s spouse? One’s parent? Hmmm….

Let’s say for the sake of argument that a spiritual leader does spend more time than necessary praying in his room sequestered from his family. Perhaps he does lack sensitivity concerning his wife’s need for attention and help with the kids. But this wife serves her family and supports her husband’s calling in ministry for the Gospel. As the years go on she learns to appreciate her husband’s calling, gifts, and love for God more than she might be tempted to resent his faults. She leans on Christ and knows that she is performing her role and contributing to the Kingdom in a way that is just as essential as her husband’s contributions. In fact, her willingness to suffer in silence is in large part his success as a pastor. All servants of Christ are called to make personal sacrifices. So this woman puts on the blinders and continues to raise her children and thank God for the work her husband does to feed the flock of Christ.

And then, when her husband dies, perhaps she marries a man who has a different calling and loves her in a way that is more fulfilling for her personally. Why then, thirty years or so after her first husband’s death would she feel it necessary to tell a biographer about her perceived slights? Why would a Christian wife choose to dishonor the memory of her husband’s ministry by comparing her first husband in a negative light to her second. I won’t judge the woman, but I will judge the narrative. It is fishy. Or maybe this says more about the biographer who might be looking for an original spin.I very much appreciate the remarks of DLE concerningTozer and his life as presented by Lyle Dorset. Perhaps my biggest beef is with naieve Christians who are so easily swayed that a godly man was a failure at home because his wife said he ignored her. I agree with Brad above that much of the narrative seems suspicious.As for reading the book, I’d rather reread one of Tozer’s amazing books.

Jeremy and Barbara, I think your points are well taken. I don’t think anyone here is suggesting that AWT is not in heaven, forgiven. One lesson from this is that it is healthy to look at our own pastors, elders and public Christian “heroes” and recognize that there can be some serious contradictions that ought not be glossed over and minimized. Have you ever been in a situation at work or at church where everyone knows there is a specific problem, but no one will acknowledge it and the situation is allowed to grow? There can be a very real tendency to let this happen with leaders and public people in particular. This really demonstrates the need for pastors and Christian leaders to be surrounded by people who are willing to talk about “the elephant in the room”. The consequences of not doing so are real. Many people - often the leader’s own family - can get very disillusioned when these contradictions are minimized because it makes it seem like the people who should be most concerned about truth and righteousness are willing to look the other way or enable an unhealthy situation to grow. The point here is not to scandalize AWT (it certainly doesn’t sound like any of this rises to the level of scandal anyway)- if anything, it make me want to read him more, because he seems more human now that I know something of his weaknesses. This is, after all, the same reason we can identify with people like David and Peter. We see the contradictions, we see that the Bible doesn’t sweep them under the rug and we see God’s grace shining brighter still.

My thoughts exactly and very well expressed!

I agree with those here that remind us that this is only a “biography” after all. Great accuracy and small bias are not common attributes of works such as these by any stretch of the imagination! Also, assuming any of this is true, we as members of the “Body of Christ” should be the first to offer forgiveness; because we are the forgiven.

A long time ago I posted here on Tim’s blog; that when I see a sin in someone else I immediately and silently ask myself: “Is not that sin also in me?” I have yet to be able to answer that question in the negative!

In Christ,

Dan…

I think all of you are right in pieces. DLE and Barbara G, I esecially appreciate your insightful comments. I think this is a very great mystery that we see only in part, and like many of you, I am disappointed and dismayed to learn this about a writer who has been a great example to me of following hard after God.

I would like to offer a missing piece, and after reading this, I think I may be on to something, it seems his wife, “developed the art of shoving her pain deep down inside.” I agree we see in this sad story some cultural constructs controlling behaviors, a lonely wife and a lonely husband. And I think I see not only an inability with language to express the vastness of the gulf between them, but also this: to even know that there is a need to bridge it, or even to get very basic, what is water, and what is wide, anyway?

When Mrs. Tozer married husband #2, perhaps it was then she finally understood: this is what I have been missing all these years—someone to understand me, and love me the way I am! What a wonder it is to a hungry soul when this food is discovered, as I know very well from experience. As Lewis says,”We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” -C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

I know this has been true in my life. It isn’t until the true thing has come sometimes, that we understand the falseness, and the vacuity of what we have been previously satisfied with.

Perhaps if Mrs. Tozer had understood and expressed these things to Mr. Tozer, then we would have more room than we do to make a judgement here. But I would shudder to do so. Because until we know we have worshiped our God in Spirit and Truth, and then gone out from that Throne room, and Mary and Martha are no longer a dichotomy, but a startlingly beautiful creature whose one resolve is to make the ones the Master has commanded us to love the happiest people in the word, perhaps we should just be very still before the Lord. I know I am, here! Let us cry out before Him to make the inward and the outward, the public and the private, not divided, but entirely of a whole.

“Tremble, and do not sin; Meditate in your heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah.” Ps. 4:4

To Karen, I really appreciate your comments regarding “the inward and the outward, and the public and the private, not divided, but entirely of a whole.”

I am frustrated when people act like sheep by either immediately rejecting something they don’t like, or unquestioningly embracing it as truth, when what has been presented may be a piece of the puzzle, but in fact need to be interpreted in an opposite way in which it was intended by the one tossing it onto the table.

Thanks to a less than discerning mentality among believers, whenever Tozer’s name comes up, many readers of Dorsett’s bio will possibly malign Tozer by assuming and claiming as fact that he seriously neglected his wife’s need in the name of prayer and worship and that he failed to teach his children the Bible and love of Christ. It is equally wrong for people to discount this injustice by saying things like, “all the great leaders have clay feet,” and “no one is without flaws”, etc… This is not about expecting perfection, but to me it is about the appalling lack of discernment and literacy from people who study biblical literature and influence the way others think. So, like you said or suggested, there are several possible ways to interpret Mrs. Tozer’s complaints, including your extremely plausible theory; there is much that is difficult to relate to concerning exceptionally gifted men as her husband; and the problems we women face when we don’t have biblical teaching and mentoring about complementary roles. Many women would love to have a husband who spends much time on his knees instead of extended trips away to cultivate hobbies or becoming a football enthusiast. Many of us would be well served, and appreciate it in the long run, if our husbands loved Christ more than our silly demands and expectations.We do know that the human heart is wicked, our minds are easily deceived. We should know that authors oft times choose what to write or not write based on what they predict will attract readers looking for something new and fresh. That is why we should refrain from judging individuals, while reserving the duty to judge the narrative presented.

Blessings, barb gardner, Holy Women of the Past - What they have to teach us today.

I agree with you DLE. I also thought of what Jesus said about leaving all, and everyone.