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Book Review - Boys Adrift
- 06/03/08
- 14
Something strange is going on with boys today. My memories of boyhood revolve around the great outdoors--running through fields with hockey stick guns, climbing trees, playing any and every sport, getting sunburns, heatstroke, ticks, sprained ankles and all the other bumps and bruises guaranteed to come to an active, rambunctious boy. Though today I live in a neighborhood filled with boys, rarely do I see them out and about; rarely do I see them engaging in the activities we'd expect of them. Something has changed. So many boys are inactive and unmotivated.
The changes go deeper than just the activities of young boys. "Fully one-third of men ages 22-34 are still living at home with their parents--about a 100 percent increase in the past twenty years. Boys nationwide are increasingly dropping out of school; fewer are going to college; and for the first time in American history, women are outnumbering men at undergraduate institutions three to two." This lack of activity or lack of motivation seems to continue through life. Parents, educators and doctors are concerned.
Leonard Sax is a family physician and a research psychologist who has witnessed this change. He has seen it in a close and personal way through his busy medical practice. In his book Boys Adrift Dr. Sax offers his explanation as to why boys and men are failing in school and at home.
He narrows in on five factors: changes in educational models; video games; medications for ADHD; endocrine disruptors; and a lack of good role models. Schools, he says, have begun to focus on academics at too early an age, leaving boys hating education from their earliest days. Programs that focus more on fun and less on academics up to age seven or eight would reap educational dividends. Important also is the distinction between learning as merely collecting facts and learning as experience. Regarding video games he believes that boys today are dedicating far too much time to this form of entertainment. As boys play these games they gain false perceptions of power and inadvertently remove themselves from reality until eventually they prefer the world of video games over the real world. ADHD is vastly over-diagnosed and huge numbers of boys are given medications they simply do not need. These medications have been proven to change the way boys develop and do far more than simply calm down hyperactive children. Endocrine disruptors, and especially artificial estrogens found in plastic bottles and other similar products, are delaying boys' development (while accelerating girls' development) and contributing to many associated problems. And finally, boys are suffering from a distinct lack of good and manly role models, both in their homes and in their communities. Each of these five areas receives a chapter-length treatment and in each case the arguments are convincing. Yet the book does not end with only this list of problems, but with the author's attempts to suggest solutions.
While Dr. Sax does not claim to be a Christian, he shares many things that could easily have their roots in the Bible. For example, in discussing problems with discipline he writes, "Thirty years ago, if a boy cursed his parents and spit at his teacher, the neighbors might say that the boy was a disobedient brat who needed a good spanking. Today, the same behavior from a similar boy might well prompt a trip to the pediatrician or the child psychiatrist. And the doctor is likely to 'diagnose' the boy with Conduct Disorder (DSM-IV 312.82) or Oppositional-Defiant Disorder (DSM-IV 313.81). The main criterion for both these 'disorders' is disobedient and disrespectful behavior that persists despite parental efforts.' Is there really much of a difference between a neighbor saying 'That boy is a disobedient brat,' and a doctor saying 'That boy has oppositional-defiant disorder'? I think there is. If another parent whom you trust and respect suggests that your son is a disobedient brat who needs stricter discipline, you just might consider adopting a tougher parenting." In a similar vein, he writes about problems inherent in making behavioral issues into medical issues. "You can see how the assignment of responsibility differs in these two cases. If your son is a disobedient brat, then your son and you (his parents) have to take responsibility. You have to own up to the problem. You will probably have to make some changes. But if your son has a psychiatric diagnosis, that means he has a chemical imbalance in his brain. He-and you-are no more to blame for that imbalance than if your son were diagnosed with childhood leukemia, right? Psychiatrist Jennifer Harris recently pointed out that today, 'many clinicians find it easier to tell parents their child has a brain-based disorder than to suggest parenting changes.'"
While Christian readers may find it a bit difficult to read about Dr. Sax's comparisons between humans and their "primate cousins," this is one of the book's few missteps. It is well-researched and thoroughly convincing. Though some of the five concerns Sax lays out may be more important or urgent than others, and while there are many boys for whom only a few of the five will apply, I believe any parent will benefit from reading this book. The lessons he shares are applicable to children who are in public or Christian schools as much as to children who are homeschooled. Dr. Mohler calls Boys Adrift "essential reading" for parents and I am inclined to agree. If you are a parent blessed with boys or if you are a young man yourself, buy this book and read it. You won't be sorry you did.
I am a follower of Jesus Christ, a husband to Aileen and a father to three young children. I worship and serve as a pastor at 
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Comments (14)
My first thought, and I’m sure it means I need to read the book, is why this environment, which is largely common to all American boys, does not have the same result on all boys.
I am still persuaded that all of Dr. Sax’s causes (except the plastic one) are themselves symptoms of a larger phenomenon, the removal of gender identity in our culture. God designed boys to be very distinct from girls; that is their place of honor and their incentive to engage life.
What no one wants to say is that boys are rightfully competitive. Even more, they innately understand that to compete with a woman is a lose/lose situation. In other words, if they win they lose, and if they lose, they lose.
There is something in a boy that knows manhood is affirmed and established only in relationship with other men. As women become dominant figures not only in education and business, but even in such places as the military, there is an increasing disincentive to enter those arenas of activity.
Combined with the enormous draw of the artificial worlds of “virtual” warfare and sexual achievement, it is easy to understand where our boys (and the men they are not becoming) have gone.
Thanks, Tim. I’ll pass this along to other parents (and put it at the top of my reading list.)
I also suspect that a lot of boys, even little ones, may be angry at being forced into some of the unnatural roles we expect of them today.
Thanks for the review on this book. I am a stay at home mom of a two year old little guy and one of my prayers is that my husband and I will raise him to be a godly young man and that the Lord will use our son in mighty ways for His kingdom. Just curious Tim, what are your opinions on the devotional work by Charles Cowman “Streams in the Desert”?
Just curious Tim, what are your opinions on the devotional work by Charles Cowman “Streams in the Desert”?
I haven’t heard of that one…
I have raised 2 boys and they are now about to start entering the early stages of manhood at ages 14 and 18. They are good respectable,decent and well behaved boys . They love throwing the ball around ,playing pick up hockey and love camping , going to the beach for a good old fashioned camp fire and roasting hotdogs and marshmallows. I have tried to raise them differently than the world but it is hard . What I have seen over the years of working in a numerous schools as a custodian , teachers would be surprised how observant the janitor can be , is a rise in feminine style teaching methods . Feelings and I messages are emphasized and if boys get a bit too aggressive playing soccer or hockey etc..it was no longer allowed. Plus if a young boy even thought about playing war or cowboy and Indians , he would be sat down and have what I call public school centers , behavior modification done. Plus any notion of differences between male and female are seen as archaic and repressive . My oldest son has been vilified for upholding the teaching of male headship in the home and church . I could go on and on . Plus as to video games . I think perhaps to a degree boys are drawn to them because in these virtual realities they can be boys or men , as aggressive as they want to be . I’m not saying its healthy but to a large measure I think they have been marginalized in this pc , feminineness society and have become totally disinterested. The only remedy I think is the gospel. A return to the truth of the roles revealed in scripture that men and women should reflect to the glory of God . To a large measure my wife I think is right ,when she holds that the womens movement of the 60’s has produced this disaster for our young men and its going to take years to overcome.
As a 23-year-old male who just graduated college and still lives with his parents I have a unique perspective on this issue.
First, the thing about guys my age not moving out has more to do, at least on my side, with the economy, not being able to find a full-time job, and the inability to afford a $1000 a month apartment.
As someone else mentioned, guys are highly competitive and we want to be challenged. I rarely attended class in college, and high school for that matter, and wasn’t interested in either because I wasn’t being challenged. Nothing was engaging. There was PE, but it didn’t engage me physically, it was just running around the track and doing pushups, and none of my classes engaged me intellectually.
Video games, television and movies are our only way to experience things we wish we could in real life. We want to go on adventures, we want to be heroes, we want to do something with our lives, but the world we live in doesn’t let us live like that. We have to sit in class and pretend to actually learn things. We have to sit on a computer and pretend we enjoy working 9-5 five days a week.
The feminization of our culture doesn’t help either. We want to be men, but our culture won’t let us.
I think Dr. Sax, having given this a lot of thought and good research, is generally on track. Of course, as informed believers we are not unaware of the sin problem, it is real, ever present and ever varied in its manifestations. On the other hand I think we are dealing with something, especially in the west, that is relatively new. Because of current marketing trends which keep our global village ticking, we are a people overfed but undernourished. Just as our bodies are presenting an ever increasing plethora of new physical syndromes or unhealthy conditions; so our minds and psyches are showing a greater and greater inability to deal with life as it is dealt to us. We simply don’t have it in us! There appears to be good research out there showing that “obsessive” individuals, properly nourished, can be just ordinary “sinful” people; people who need discipline, etc. etc. as has always been the case.It seems it would be wise to be sure one’s son, or any other child, is well nourished before resorting to other popular, but worrisome remedies.
As a 23-year-old male who just graduated college and still lives with his parents I have a unique perspective on this issue….
A couple of comments…
On living at home. The doctor probably does have a point (I’ve not read the book and don’t know exactly what his point is) if he believes that throughout U.S.(I bet he’s focusing on the U.S.) many more young men living at home longer shows overall a lack of discipline, direction, vision, faith or similar weakness. I can accept it as a generality. On the other hand, living at home in and of itself is not much of a biblical issue - I don’t think - or is it, someone else could weigh in. In some cultures, it is expected and valued. Not to mention, yes, it is a good/better economic choice. And does not the Lord often use our finances for direct our steps?
On being challenged and culture restricting you. Adventures, heroes…do something with your life…the world we live in doesn’t let us live like that. Uhhh…I’m guilty of this thinking too, but I have to disagree with you (and my own similar thinking). You’re 23…I definitely understand that there is a whole set of cultural and family-parent expectations that you now begin to walk down certain conventional paths.
If you are a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, then think about the directives of Scripture: scale Denali…no; walk (run?) the Appalachian Trail…no; make big money in investment banking….not really; become a civic leader…not quite. Nothing wrong with this - it may be your calling somehow.
What is your definition of adventure, hero, a meaningful life? The challenge is to determine this according to the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God. Live faithful to Scripture i) by specific commandments to obey your…boss; sexual purity; lie not; faithfulness to assignments from authority; etc.; and ii) in general to make the gospel known to your neighbors (yipes!) - any easy ways really to do that?; and iii.) under guidance of Spirit and Word (one must be learning and meditating in Scripture, and the Lord will begin to put certain commands in principles in your heart that differentiate you from others in His work) begin to learn what your own part in His mission is.
Does the Scripture-Spirit-Service part sound boring? I’d say then to eliminate known sins in your life and if necessary begin to force-feed yourself the Scriptures on a regular basis, striving to delight in the Lord. This will reformat your idea of adventure, heroism and significance.
Just for imagining a little further though…gospelizing in Afghanistan? Iraq. Turkey. Mongolia. The apartment complex nearby. How ‘bout translating the Bible into another language that does not have the Bible yet. Wow. Only a relatively few Christians will ever even know what you’ve done after you’ve spent 20 years at it. God would make that an adventure! Okay, enough.
Robert…
Moving out has nothing to do with discipline, direction, vision, faith or similar weakness, it has everything to do with finances.
If I, and every guy I know, could afford to pay rent (which in California is now reaching $1200 a month) we would move out in an instant, but we can’t.
I would love to do something adventurous with my life, and I am making use of it serving the Lord, but, talking generally here, the guys I know want to do something more than sit in a classroom and then go work at starbucks. We can’t afford to go on an adventure because we have rent to pay, or loans to pay, or gas to pay. We can’t even afford to go on a missions trip without being sponsored.
God made this world for us and I’m pretty sure he wants us to enjoy it. Why can’t I scale Denali and gaze at the beauty of the creator?
Does the Lord call us to live mundane lives? Does he say keep my commandments and sit at a desk for eight hours a day? I don’t remember reading that.
Maybe that works for you, but I know I want more.
What I’m about to say might be totally apart from any biblical principle but is, I think, in the spirit of learning biblical contentment a la Jeremiah Burroughs.
A man, I think, learns to find and face challenges right where he is. You think you’re “not being challenged?” That only means you haven’t been paying attention.
That’s my observation, both personally and from lots of ministry work.
Steve, what you’ve said is a good explanation of why California is bleeding jobs and young people. Perhaps you should join the migration?
Anyway, not every 20-something who’s still at home does it because they can’t afford to. I’ve known some who did it simply because it was easier than moving out — mom cooked, washed, etc.
“Does the Lord call us to live mundane lives? Does he say keep my commandments and sit at a desk for eight hours a day? I don’t remember reading that.
Maybe that works for you, but I know I want more.”
God gave the Israelites the adventure of a lifetime. It involved wandering around in the desert doing what felt like nothing and eating the same thing day in and day out, with no jobs, no homes, no plan. They were not content and murmured. They wanted more. The presence of God in the camp was not sufficient for them. It did not bode well for them.
Likewise, as Christians, we are the temple of the Holy Spirit. We have Christ. We have the adoption as sons. We are heirs of the kingdom. And for now, God expects us to be content and rejoice in Him in the most mundane of circumstances.
The Lord calls many to “mundane” lives. And if they are lived to the glory of God they are in no way mundane. As a matter of fact, as John Piper likes to say, “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him,” not our excitement level, our status, or our interesting circumstances, but HIM. God calls us to “godliness with contentment”, which we are told by the apostle Paul is great gain. Without contentment your godliness is essentially worthless.
Steve wrote:
“Video games, television and movies are our only way to experience things we wish we could in real life. We want to go on adventures, we want to be heroes, we want to do something with our lives, but the world we live in doesn’t let us live like that.”
If I might add a bit to this conversation, I think what is needed is a balanced perspective. God indeed created men for adventure and heroism. He also created women for romance and family. These longings are built into us, and they are good because God put them there.
However. As you say, the world relentlessly interferes with God’s design. So we are all (some to a greater degree than others) left lacking. The question is, how to deal with the pain of the lack.
One “solution” is to deny our desires exist. Of course, that is a lie, and lies never bring about healing. Another response is to go after what we know we were made for. That seems a logical plan…but again, it’s wrong. That’s because it’s based on another contemporary lie, that we have a God-given right to pursue our own happiness.
According to scripture, God only calls us to trust and obedience, which is another way of saying He calls us to Himself. He does what He wills with us, and therein we can be satisfied, because He is good and perfect.
Our addictions arise not always in areas of perversion, but often in areas of good but unfulfilled desires. In some ways these bondages can be stronger, because they are closer to our true natures. For this reason, we must valiantly fight that toughest of dragons, our own natures. Paul says we are to “cleanse *ourselves* from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God” (2 Corinthians 7:1).
So yes, life will often contain adventure and romance and many other good things. But these are always to be in the context of God’s giving, never by our own wresting or manipulation. Nor dare we settle for “virtual” substitutions, for these can consume and waste our lives…or more accurately, the life with which God has entrusted us.