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The Disappearance of My Youth
- 03/16/09
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A few years ago I was asked to submit an article to a local magazine--an article dealing with the "-ism" of my choice. I decided to write about ageism, a subject that had been on my mind at the time. I recently saw that the Christian Post is is republishing a series Dr. Mohler wrote around the same time, one he titled "Do Not Cast Me Off in the Time of Old Age." This seemed like a good time to revisit my old article and publish it again.
At the time I was researching a conference that was coming to Toronto later in the year. In the literature describing the event I noted the following statement which was in the short biography of one of the keynote speakers. "St. Thomas Church in Sheffield, England has grown to be one of the largest churches in England with 2,000+ in weekly worship, 70% of which are under the age of 35." I was struck by the emphasis on youth, as if this person was a more credible minister of the Word because he appeals to youth rather than to the elderly.
As I thought about this, I remembered an article R.C. Sproul Jr. had posted as he reflected on passing another milestone in life. He said, "When I last crossed a decade barrier in my own aging process, God was good enough to grant me this small bit of wisdom - the Bible honors age, not youth. I came to understand that the disappearance of my youth was something God thought a good thing, and if I were wise, I would agree. Now a decade later and I have been given this bit of wisdom - easier said than done." Sproul is correct that the Bible honors age above youth. This is not to say that the Bible marginalizes young people, but that it sees them in their proper perspective - as people who are far less wise than the aged. Each year I attempt to complete a study of Proverbs and this is always made abundantly clear throughout the book of Divine wisdom. These verses are typical of the wisdom of Solomon. "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him (Proverbs 22:15)." We can compare that verse with Proverbs 16:31 which tells us that "Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life."
Only a cursory search through the other 65 books of the Bible will reveal the common theme that God honors age rather than youth. Allow me to provide just a few examples of the Bible mandate to honor the elderly.
Leviticus 19:32 "You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the Lord." God commanded that we are to stand in the presence of the eldery to render to them the honor due to them. In Deuteronomy 28:50 God told the Israelites that a curse would come upon them for their disobedience. "A hard-faced nation who shall not respect the old or show mercy to the young." A hard-faced nation is one that does not respect the old. Perhaps one of the clearest endorsements of God's commands towards the aged comes from Job 12:12. "Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days." True wisdom comes from length of days lived walking with the Lord, not with the arrogant impulses of youth. In the story of Job we also see Elihu, who was the youngest of Job's friends, wait to speak until the older men had spoken their part. He treated Job with both admiration and respect as his elder. Turning to the New Testament, Paul cautioned Timothy that he must "...not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father (1 Timothy 5:1)." He also tells him to treat elderly women like mothers.
The Bible also has much to say about youth. "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die (Proverbs 23:13)." "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother (Proverbs 29:15)." Hebrews 12:6-7 compares new believers, who are immature in their beliefs, to children. "For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?"
A clear picture emerges from the pages of Scripture. That God honors age above youth does not mean that God despises youth and that He honors all elderly people. But a person who has lived a long life of dedicated service to God, walking in the paths of wisdom, is surely worthy of higher honor than the youth who has only just begun.
And so we need to ask a question about the church. Does the church honor the Bible in honoring age, or does the church instead honor youth? Or are we a hard-faced church that does not respect the elderly?
In our day many are fearing the aging of the Baby Boomers, worrying that they will become a burden on society that will empty the coffers of pension plans and overrun the health care systems. A new word I have begun to hear increasingly lately is "ageism", a term which has been defined as "any attitude, action, or institutional structure which subordinates a person or group because of age or any assignment of roles in society purely on the basis of age." We are all familiar, of course, with racism which subordinates people based on their skin color or ethnicity. While this is surely sinful, we can understand how it comes to happen. One ethnic group outnumbers another, and treat the other group as somehow inferior to themselves. But this makes little sense with age, for, as C.S. Lewis said, "The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is." We will all be old some day. Ageism is not only unbiblical and destructive to a well-ordered society, but it is also selfish and foolish.
I remind you again of what spurred this article. "St. Thomas Church in Sheffield, England has grown to be one of the largest churches in England with 2,000+ in weekly worship, 70% of which are under the age of 35." Is this something to boast about? Are we to be proud that we have built a church for the young? Is it boastworthy that the majority of the people who admire the pastor may be in the midst of their youthful folly? Has this church been built at the expense of the aged? Have we built a church that would rather have pews filled with youth than with the elderly? Have we built an institution that subordinates a group on the basis of their age?
I wonder if that the church has forgotten or perhaps deliberately overlooked Scripture's focus on the value and importance of the aged. While I have read of hundreds of churches that boast about how young their median age is, I have heard of none that boast in the number of elderly members. While new churches are being planted on a daily basis to reach twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings, I do not know of any that emphasize reaching the elderly. And while many churches are transitioning to new models of "doing church," none seem to be doing so at the expense of youth. Surely we have missed the Bible's emphasis on honoring age.
Many years ago I listed to a memorable sermon dealing with Ecclesiastes chapter twelve. Much of the wisdom of that message, preached in a church that boasted many grey heads, has stuck with me to this day. The chapter begins with the words, "Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth." That is God's call to those of us who have not yet earned our grey hair. When we are young, we are to heed the call of Wisdom, who cries, "How long, O simple ones, will you love being simple? How long will scoffers delight in their scoffing and fools hate knowledge" (Proverbs 1:22)? We must seek after wisdom so that when we are elderly, we can share our wisdom with the young and foolish.
Until then, let us honor the aged. Let us give double-honor to those with grey hair. Let us stand in their presence and give them the honor God requires. Let our hope and confidence be in the words of the Psalmist who says, "Those who are planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God. They shall still bear fruit in old age; they shall be fresh and flourishing (Psalm 92:13,14)."
I am a follower of Jesus Christ, a husband to Aileen and a father to three young children. I write books and blogs for fun while doing web design and consulting for a living. I worship and serve at 
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Comments (19)
Tim. In England about 2% of people in their 20's go to church, compared to about 10% of people in their 60's. Churches that reach younger people are news because hardly any young people go to church. The comment was nothing to do with lack of respect for older people. You will find that in England those older people in churches cheer on ministries that bring in the young. They don't want to be the last generation of church goers here.
I agree with Bernard. The fact that the age of those attending the church is mentioned seems to me to be just a way of saying that the church is not in its last generation. Not much discourages the old as much as not seeing any young in the church. When they are there it does not necessarily mean that the church has surrendered what is valuable. It could, but it needn't. It would depend on the church wouldn't it? If our favourites (Piper, Mahaney, Dever etc.) told us how many young they had, we would not accuse them of forsaking the old or essential truth. If we found out that Osteen was attracting many youth we would wonder why. The issue is doctrine and goals, not the number of youth in the church.
No doubt it is the hip thing to reach younger people in the past 20+ years. I, unfortunately, believe that there is a bit of tension here. Many people recognise that the older generation has tended to be set in their ways, not open to 'moving forward' into a new era, etc. This has frustrated younger people causing tension and becoming unhelpful. But, at the expense of discarding the aged, younger people have come up as if they know it all because they have a little 'charisma' and maybe a degree. While wanting to move forward, it is done with forgetting the old generation. Generally, it appears that neither side has considered the other. That is a tragedy.
I am saddened when I see churches focused mainly on young people. I love young people, I am still one myself at 29. But the church is to be made up with all ages, all colours, all backgrounds, all nationalities, all tongues, etc (Rev 5:9). And what has tended to happen as local churches look to reach the younger generation is that they get all involved in lights, cameras and action from a more consumerist and capitalistic mindset, rather than a Christ mindset. That becomes unhelpful because it won't last and take root.
I want to reach young people. Sometimes reaching a family can come through reaching a struggling 12 year old. But that's just it. The goal is not reaching 12-25 year olds. The goal is to reach people, and if reaching a 12 or 17 year old might give you a door to more people, then it's good. But America and the west usually approach it from a perspective of how we can be a hip and cool local church with hundreds of young people, rather than a church full of old people unwilling to move into the 21st century. No doubt there is a time to move forward, and if older folk do not want to, then we must continue without them. But this must be approached with much more grace and wisdom than usual.
Being solely focused on youth only makes it a movement, and movements will fade and be shaken at some point because there is no deep root. But the kingdom rule of God advancing takes root and it cannot be shaken (Heb 12:26-29).
I loved this article, and was just as instructed by the dissenting comments. It seems that each generation bears some responsibility.
As G. H. Morrison (1866-1928) wisely points out, there is no worship without some degree of self-sacrifice. He says, "Now, in every fellowship must not there be a certain element of sacrifice? [There must be] a constant willingness to forgo a little for the sake of others for whom Christ has died. The young have their rights, but they should not insist on them when they know it would vex and irritate the old. The old have their claims, but for the sake of the young, they will accept what may not appeal to them."
But like all truths, this one is meaningless without a God-centered context. No one at any age should accept the stripping away of truth for the sake of "coolness," foul language from the pulpit in the name of "relevance," or the fleshly indulgence of Madison Avenue in the name of "appeal." And unfortunately, those abominations are the sorts of things which churches often resort to in order to attract the young. It's not good news when churches simply attract the young, or even when they cater to the elders. It's only good news when people of all ages are FED the unadulterated truth of God and are LED to worship Him in Spirit and in truth.
Love will sacrifice ANYTHING...except what is best for the beloved. And God Himself is best for young and old. May God grant repentance to any church who fails to give Him to those in attendance.
I think this passage is very helpful in regard to this topic:
21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” 22 On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, 24 which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, 25 that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. (ESV)
1 Corinthians 12:21-26
The old and the young cannot operate apart from one another. We need each other like we need our vital organs.
I once read Dr. W.A. Criswell's book, A Guidebook for Pastors. In it he encouraged pastors to take care of the older members of the congregation and the younger members would take care of themselves.
I believed that this was a weakness of mine, as a young pastor, and I determined to take his advise and make it a point to minister to the older group within the church more than I had in the past.
It wasn't long until the "young-uns" began screaming and squalling that they were being ignored. They raised a large stink and I was asked to leave the church. They wanted someone who would pay more attention to the youth.
The last thing said, in that business meeting, was said by an elderly woman. She stood up and said, "I am ashamed of the older men in my church for letting these kids run the show."
That was the last church I pastored - 17 years ago.
I also think of churches like Mars Hill in Seattle. I think its tremendous that young people are attending gatherings such as those to listen to God's word and be changed.A question I would have for you is regarding history. In the history the church, where are the young people? I have this hunch that young people are cutting edge in God's moving. No disrespect to the grey haired among you. Some(many?) of the great Christians of history started their ministry while they were very young. I'm currently plowing through the Institutes, Calvin was 27...
Very interesting especially as I grow older and see certain silvery hairs start to appear (which I, out of denial, insist on referring to as "blonde" lol). We must also be careful to not push to the other extreme, and become guilty of "reverse ageism". As mentioned in the article, it is not merely many years and gray hair that is deserving of honor, but "a person who has lived a long life of dedicated service to God, walking in the paths of wisdom". Elihu noted this in Job 32:
6 “I am young in years, and you are aged; therefore I was timidand afraid to declare my opinion to you.7 I said, ‘Let days speak, and many years teach wisdom.’8 But it is the spirit in man, the breath of the Almighty, that makes him understand.
This is tangential to the discussion, but I've often wondered if the increasing pace of technological change in our culture has contributed to ageism. We used to value older people for their experience and their skill. It took years to become a master craftsman, and the opportunity for a young person to study under an older person was of benefit in many ways, both in terms of learning a particular skill, and also in terms of learning from that older person's life experience. These days, older folks struggle to keep up with e-mail, Twitter, DVD players, etc., and are, therefore, frequently seen as out of touch and behind the times, and their wisdom and life experience are undervalued as well.
I now live in a community where many older people live. They have been so warm and welcoming; it's been a pleasure. If I had a choice to choose a community of mostly 'old' people or mostly 'young' people, at this point in time I'd probably choose 'old'.
I look forward to growing in my faith. Would be nice to push a button of what I may learn in years to come (Lord-willingly if I'm granted years more on this earth) to learn in a second at age 28.
There is often something so special about older people.
That said, of course, in 1 Timothy it says "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young"....and there is something special about the faith of a child....
Just Sunday a woman was talking about how she was so excited to die when she was 8 or 9 or something, because of heaven. I don't know if she believes in heaven now.
There's something special about both older people and young people. Though yes, it'll be nice to grow in the faith over the years, if I'm granted that...
I appreciate the verses you quoted at the end of this post and often share them with those who might feel discouraged because they are among the older ones and might not feel as useful any longer. Obviously from the way Psalm 92 ends, this uselessness from aging isn't inevitable.
Great article and some insightful comments. I'll only add my 2 cents as a high school teacher at a Christian school.
The level of disrespect I get from some of my students during class would have been UNTHINKABLE at my secular, public high school 20 years ago. The worst punk at my alma mater would not have told a teacher during class, "Your class is boring," or "You don't know how to teach." Yet I've heard these. There's a serious problem afoot here. I have trouble getting students to call me "Mister" before my last name. It's all part of the blantant disregard we have for the elderly.
There is an underlying current common to the variety of conflicts in local churches. It has been identified by many as birth pangs of cultural reformation. It is a wonderful opportunity for the Church but I wonder if we, the contemporary church, will survive it. God's will is secure, but no respecter of persons, or styles, He.
As the "isms" of culture persist in our pews and the pulpit, we must return to faithfulness with intention: gather as spiritual siblings in submission, invite the uninvited, practice humble excellence, become equipped in mind, body and spirit, test the spirits, eschew sinful behaviors, raise believing families, lift those around us, go into culture at God's direction and exceed to His divine appointments to be witnesses to His greatness. This, not for ourselves, but for generations yet unseen.
No small thing; but we are children of the King, not of culture.
Tim,Although I would agree with you that the mainstream of our society has a disregaurd for the elderly and that the church has followed suite (as we have in many other areas also) I would also suggest that the elderly in our society have 'checked out' when it comes to the youth! We have bought into the lie that we should seperate the ages and that has led us down a really dangerous road.In the typical church (at least in America) we are broken up into age groups that keep the youth and the older generations separated. We have church services for the "older" and Sunday school for the "younger" and the two are never supposed to cross. I have kept my children in church with me since they have been able to sit still and I don't intend on changing that but as my kids have grown older they have said that they don't feel welcomed by all of the older generation. That is a sad statement that reflects badly on us "old" people. I don't think that the problem is simply a lack of respect for thier elders. I think it is just as much to do with the older generations dislike and disregaurd for the youth as though they don't have anything to offer.What ever happened to the older teaching the younger in the church? Why have we abandoned the call of Scripture to worship together (bolth old and young)?The older generations have also bought a lie! The lie that once they have put in their time they should be able to just 'check out' and retire. Where is that in the Bible? We need to 'check in' and pour our lives into the younger generations so that they have a solid Biblical world view. If we keep seperating them how will they learn to respect us?We have an old saying that goes something like this; "You earn respect!" Just because we've been around the block a couple of dozen times doesn't mean that we automatically earn respect! The Bible teaches the younger to respect the older but it doesn't leave the older without any kind of responsibility. Most of the wisdom literature of the OT leads me to believe that those elders have proven themselves to be respectable.Let's be careful not to place all of the burden of this on the youth. They are just doing what they have been taught to do .... by their elders.Let's have some balance and make sure that we, as those who are older, are leading by example. Let's treat them with respect and love and give them something worthy of following. Let's show them Christ through us and in us not the world's failed plan of separation.
It's funny you should write this. I have just written an article more personal than this one on my blog about getting older, I am now 51. I set it out here as I thought you might find it helpful to understand more of what it feels like.
Thursday, 12 March 2009Growing old, I was an 18 year old once
I think for years after I turned 18 whenever I was about to look at the mirror I thought I was going to see an 18 year old. It was as if a picture of myself was transfixed in my memory from then onwards ready to resurrect itself in my consciousness just before I looked. Even when I did look, it still did not deter me the next time from anticipating an 18 years old in the mirror. Very strange you might say? Anyway, truly that time has now gone but it was not that long ago that it passed and now I expect to see a 51 years old! To a point I feel sad about that as I rather enjoyed those few moments of illusion before I looked.
But now I have to admit I am getting (no I refuse to say old) a lot older. It is not that I mind any such identification really but it is just that sometimes not getting the description right can be a bit painful as it reminds me of what has gone by and how quickly that has been. What has gone by? Just so much but I am very thankful.
I have to admit there are some aspects that are difficult and I shall look at some of them first. The aches and pains seem to be growing and all those injuries from the past especially in my teens seem to be coming back to haunt me such that if I do not look after them faithfully I am in trouble. Just recently I was sitting on the side of my bed and got up suddenly and ping there went my back and it was agony. As soon as I could walk on it and get myself to the gym I went and worked hard on the bike and do you know it was like a miracle. I was so much better. Thank God for that gym bike?
Saying your goodbyes in many cases is quite painful as well. Maybe the first real painful one was the death of my mother when I was forty. I cried so long and hard that I could not cry anymore and it took months for the sensitivity to start to ease. At least I knew what love is and thus the pain of loss. I also remember being criticised harshly and ungraciously by someone whom I trusted and the difficulties that caused escalated from there and involved others and it was very painful. And then there is now the joy and yet pain of seeing my children moving on. I did not really notice it when my son got married but some months afterwards I really felt it and have done for some time but like all losses the pain eases as time passes. My daughter has also now moved out after having broken her back and been operated on and recovered. As I see and hear from her more often for understandable reasons it does not seem quite so difficult. I do want them to take the opportunities that God brings along for them but that does not mean that it is not difficult for those who love them and painful to not see them so much. Maybe it is just my problem but I find it hard. It is such a comfort though to be married and find solace and encouragement in my relationship with my wife during these times and to have the comfort of friends. The Lord also provides for me in many other ways, leading me and showing me His ways.
I also notice my memory is not what it used to be. Mainly I think because I have so much information hitting me in my normal day at work and I have learnt not to rely on my mind and write everything down. It can lead to some embarassing situations when you are supposed to know someone really well and you just can't recall their name quick enough to introduce them. I have too been through times of looking back and sensing regret in my soul but those times have passed now and it does not occur that much.
You have seen a lot of changes by the time you reach 51 and perhaps this piece from John S Dunne sums up something of the experience of all this in my life,
"At every turn in the road a new illumining is needed to find the way and a new kindling is needed to follow the way"
It is to these new illuminings that I shall turn next.
About churches where older members take priority. We have plenty in England. Churches where are large percentage of the congregation have to be brought to/from church because they are to frail to make the trip themselves. Churches where a large proportion of the leadership's time is taken up visiting old peoples homes and the elderly who are dying at home or in hospital. Churches where funerals outnumber baptisms by four or five to one. We have a country full of older member priority churches. It is not a sign of respect for the elderly, it is the sign of a church that has been in decline for 100 years. 1905 - about 55% church going, 2005, about 6% churchgoing.
Thank God for all the growing churches, and the fact that christian commitment appears to be turning a corner after 100 years of decline. And thank God what he is doing in London. It is different from the rest of the country. 20% of people in there 20's go to church in London, more than of the older generations. The older generations love it, because they can see that the church has a future.
Tim, you are right on this point - It is good for the older generation to be respected by the younger generation in church. But for that to take place some of the younger generation have to be in church.
Great discussion. My greatest grievance on this issue is the age segregation that now is prevalent in all levels of society--whether it's putting all the 8 year-olds in one room or putting all the 80 year-olds together...
A couple of months back, I was speaking to a young guy who lives in Sheffield, and had only recently started going back to church. He attends St. Thomas' Sheffield (whether their Crooke or Philadelphia congregation, I'm not sure) The services are meeting what he perceives as a need in his life, and I pray that God will use those means for his growth in grace. However, he told me something of their services, and left me with the impression that they would be very emotionally expressive, but with a limited committment to Bible teaching, quote; "sometimes the Spirit leads the worship leader to keep on worshipping, and we don't have a 'preach' ".
It may well be that such a worship pattern specifically attracts some young folks, and therefore may explain the 'skewed' age profile.
Whilst we should be thankful that so many young people are in church, we should also be praying that they will be being discipled through the faithful teaching and application of God's word.
Shortly after I became a Christian at 19 I attended St. Thomas's Church in Crookes in Sheffield and continued on and off whilst I was at University. Like many Anglican Churches now and even there when I attended you came away thinking that that was very pleasant and friendly but were they ashamed of the Bible? I remember the then pastor standing up in the pulpit and denying that the story of Jonah and the whale was real and even then, a young christian, he lost me at that point and his credibility dived in my view. Some years after I had moved on there were also some well publicised difficulties with one of the leaders there and it was clear to me from what I read at that time that the Bible had little place in what was going on. I hope that it has changed but my lengthy experience of Church life here in the UK is that if you want to attract young people in large numbers, the music is very important and also the "wildness of the praise" and teaching the whole counsel of God from the Bible is not the key priority. Still many are my brothers and sisters in Christ and I thank God for that and hope and pray that His Word will become more important and they will not be ashamed of it.
I think the article here is very good and is a challenge to me, too to take care that those I know feel that respect and love in Christ from me and to pray that they may know that they are valued and supported and listened to.