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Fantasy Church

Fantasy church is a game in which players moderate imaginary denominations based on the real-life performance of churches and pastors, and compete against one another using those churches’ statistics to score points. The most recent addition to the long list of fantasy activities (other fantasy games include fantasy baseball, fantasy football, fantasy hockey, and so on), it is surely also the most exciting and the most edifying. So why not form a league today and become President of your very own denomination!

Rules:

Each league will be overseen by a Presbyter who will act as commissioner and will form a league of between 8 and 14 players. At the beginning of the season each league will hold a draft. The Presbyter will provide to the players a list of churches which will serve as the pool of available churches. Players will choose churches from the available pool, taking into account a wide range of factors. Each team will draft a denomination of 8 churches. Each player must draft a denomination consisting of at least 2 Baptist churches, 2 Presbyterian churches, 2 Charismatic churches, 1 non-denominational church and 1 flex church (any denomination).

Each week teams will face off against each other in head-to-head match-ups. The team that collects the greatest number of wins at the end of the season will be declared the winner.

Points will be scored as per the chart below. At the conclusion of each Sunday, the league Presbyter will be responsible for collecting statistics from each church and providing these to the players. The Presbyter will tally the points and declare a winner in each of the games.

Scoring Breakdown

Teaching

Sermon length:

< 15 minutes: 2 points
15 - 29 minutes: 3 points
30 - 44 minutes: 4 points
45 - 59 minutes: 5 points
60 - 89 minutes: 6 points
> 90 minutes: 10 points

Number of Bible translations used in the sermon:

0: -5 points
1: 5 points
2 - 4: 3 points
> 5: 1 point

Original Languages:

1 point for each word provided in the original language

Sermon was previously preached by Rick Warren or Bill Hybels:

-5 points

Sermon was previously preached by John MacArthur or John Piper:

-3 points

Sermon was previously preached by Charles Spurgeon:

-1 point

Sermon style:

Expository: 3 points
Topical: 2 points
Conversational: 0 points
Dialogical: -2 points

Sermon outline:

Pastor provides a basic sermon outline: 2 points
Pastor provides a fill-in-the-blanks outline: -2 points

Positive references to Mother Teresa or Billy Graham:

-5 points per reference

 

Worship

Number of songs:

< 4 songs: 2 points
5 - 7 songs: 3 points
8 - 11 songs: 4 points
> 12 songs: 3 points

Number of instruments used:

1: 2 points
2 - 4: 3 points
5 - 10: 4 points
> 11: 5 points
0: 5 points

Ratio of hymns to contemporary songs:

1:1 - 4 points
2:1 or 1:2 - 3 points
3:1 or 1:3 - 2 points
4:1 or 1:4 - 1 point
0:1 or 1:0 - -2 points

Other

-2 points for each time the worship pastor moans, “Mmmmmm. Thank you, Jesus.”

-2 points for each use of a song currently on the Christian top-40

-4 points for each use of a song on the mainstream top-40

-6 points for each use of a U2 song

-8 points for use of the song “Your Love Is Extravagant”

 

Church

Conversions:

2 points per conversion (as marked on an official communication card, indicated by a raised hand, or confirmed during an altar call)

Recommitments:

2 points per recommitment (as marked on an official communication card, indicated by a raised hand, or confirmed during an altar call)

Baptisms:

3 points per baptism

Ratio of attendance to membership:

> 1:1 - 4 points
1:1 - 2 points
1:2 - 0 points
1:3 - -2 points
1:4 - -4 points
< 1:5 - -6 points

Ratio of offering to attendance:

> $50:1 - 4 points
$25:1 - 2 points
$10:1 - 1 points
< $1:1 - - 4 points (consider contacting the police)

Sermon available online as free audio download:

2 points

Sermon available as a podcast:

1 point

Use of Powerpoint in worship or sermon:

-2 points (An additional point is subtracted each time the Powerpoint falls behind the song or sermon)