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Joel Osteen or Fortune Cookie?
- 05/12/10
- 79
The other day I ate some rather extraordinary Thai food for lunch and, on my way out, grabbed a fortune cookie. I cracked it open and read a silly little proverb meant to inspire, I suppose. I wish it had said “Brisk uphill walk after all-you-can-eat Thai is a bad idea.” Never mind. As I waddled my way home, regretting that last bowl of curry (so delicious…), I thought “This fortune sounds like something Joel Osteen would say.” And then it struck me—there is very little difference between Joel and those fortune cookies (except that the cookies are delicious, of course). And now, to prove it, I will give you these twelve quotes. You tell me which are from the fortune cookies and which are from Joel Osteen.
Note: Many, many fortune cookies were harmed in the preparation of this quiz.
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To see the answer, look for the gray underline beneath each question. Simply double-click or click and drag over the line to see the response. If you are reading via RSS, you may need to click through to the site in order to have the answers hidden from view.
Question One
“Happiness is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it.”
Fortune Cookie
Question Two
“Do all you can to make your dreams come true.”
Joel Osteen
Question Three
“Take time to make a difference. Think about how you can make somebody else’s life better.”
Joel Osteen
Question Four
“Avoid focusing on the negative aspects of the past.”
Fortune Cookie
Question Five
“You have something to offer that nobody else can give!”
Joel Osteen
Question Six
“When you can’t naturally feel upbeat, it can sometimes help to act as if you did.”
Fortune Cookie
Question Seven
“To affirm is to make firm.”
Fortune Cookie
Question Eight
“Relationships are more important than our accomplishments.”
Joel Osteen
Question Nine
“Somebody needs your encouragement. Somebody needs to know that you believe in them.”
Joel Osteen
Question Ten
“The best things in life aren’t things.”
Fortune Cookie
Question Eleven
“You will produce what you’re continually seeing in your mind.”
Joel Osteen
Question Twelve
“Judge each day not by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant.”
Fortune Cookie
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So how did you do? I would have loved to be able to package this as a slick little quiz, but unfortunately I couldn’t find software that would do that without either attaching unsuitable ads or otherwise polluting your computer.
I am a follower of Jesus Christ, a husband to Aileen and a father to three young children. I worship and serve as a pastor at 
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Comments (79)
Tim,
I was going to bring up the same point but after reading your response and thinking about what is at stake I relented. Your right (I think). That there are some instances where you may be free to go, “weapons free.”
Regardless, this was brilliant!
Go eat at your favorite Thai food joint, then use the fortune cookie sayings for your sermon (or blog) not a bad gig really. You guys got it made.
“I think of Elisha with the prophets. “Hey, you sure your god isn’t relieving himself? Keep calling him!””
I think this quote should be credited to Elijah
What kind of a son have I raised - harming helpless fortune cookies…?
Number 10 was obviously the fortune cookie. There is a slight difference between the way Joel’s are phrased and the simplicity of the cookie’s fortunes, which made it fairly easy to figure the origin of each. That being said, I would say that if the fortune cookies were reworded into Joel’s vocab there would be no way to tell the difference unless you remembered hearing Joel say the words himself.
I think there’s another possible cause of the similarity. Maybe the person who’s writing those fortunes is listening to Osteen. I seem to recall that years ago, most fortune cookies had a vague, predictive, occult fortune in them, such as, “You’ll meet someone with words you need,” or “A desire will be postponed, but eventually achieved.” Recently, they seem to have practical advice instead. The content of the fortune cookies has improved, becoming less like horoscopes and more nearly Christian.
Having said that, I have grave reservations about both Osteen and fortune cookies. It’s safer to get your guidance from the Bible than from either Osteen or a fortune cookie.
The “fortunes” in fortune cookies used to be predictions (“You will soon take a long trip”). I’m disappointed by the statements I get now.
R:ted cook,No Ted, but he does have “morning” tattooed on his back in both Mandarin and English (with phonic helps for pronunciation).
So…5 wrong. I really got them wrong. What does it mean when you can get the same information from a fortune cookie as you can from a pastor and supposed minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ? Funny and sad. What’s really going on here?
Whenever something like this is posted, sure as the sun sets in the west, some scowling, humorless crank will come along and, with pseudo-spiritual finger-wagging and Scripture yanked out of context (judge not!), try to rebuke the author and readers who get the joke. Almost as predictable is their deletion. Lighten up.
I got less than half right.
Carry on.
Some Ting Wong here.
Great quiz! But you don’t know that Joel Osteen isn’t delicious. I think he wears lip balm, and I imagine it’s cherry flavored. But I guess only Victoria is the only one who knows for sure.
I have not laughed this hard in such a long time. Not that it is a joke about Joel, but it is just such a cute analogy.
We need to pray for Joel, but now that he has tasted the good life (so it seems), he would find it very difficult to suffer for Christ. SAD!.
I don’t listen to much of Osteen; but what I have heard is mostly devoid of any substantive references to Christ - although he does mention him by name.
I have never heard him teach why the atonement was necessary, or how a person can be redeemed to a right relationship with the Father.
Considering that the Apostles went to such lengths to make Christ central to all of their teaching, I wonder what Osteen’s foundation is - it seems to me that he is putting a Jesus wrapper on positive thinking mantras.
I got 4 out of 12 right…but was shocked at the ones I got wrong…yikes!
Now we know the source of the fortune cookies writers…errr…or would that be of Osteen’s sermons. Either way, it’s sad! He does have nice southern smile, though.
This is really bad: How is that I haven’t even read JOJO and I got 11 correct? (I didn’t even notice that the lines were different lengths!)
UGH I’ve been plundered!!
This reminds me of when we had to compare Andrew Carnegie’s philosophy of money with a famous liberal preacher of that day (forgot which one). The first was MUCH more biblical.
9/12 for me.
Awesome post. THANK you! Needed to be said.
Awesome post. THANK you! Needed to be said.
i did better on that than i’d like to admit..
Tim,
I see a pretty significant difference in them. The fortune cookies seemed to be considerably deeper and closer to the truth.
Matt
I got 9 right and 3 wrong. *shakes head*
TOOOO funny - or not because it’s so true. My eye didn’t catch the “except” at first. What I did sense is that the Fortune cookies were closer to the truth than Mr. Osteen.
“You will produce what you’re continually seeing in your mind.” That is in a phrase Osteen’s philosophy. “The Secret” is the name.
Excellent idea Tim. Thanks for thinking straight.
Like Chinese food, even right after reading the Osteen posts I forget having read them.
I got 9. Got easier as it went on.
The fortune cookie sounds wiser.