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Joel Osteen or Fortune Cookie?

The other day I ate some rather extraordinary Thai food for lunch and, on my way out, grabbed a fortune cookie. I cracked it open and read a silly little proverb meant to inspire, I suppose. I wish it had said “Brisk uphill walk after all-you-can-eat Thai is a bad idea.” Never mind. As I waddled my way home, regretting that last bowl of curry (so delicious…), I thought “This fortune sounds like something Joel Osteen would say.” And then it struck me—there is very little difference between Joel and those fortune cookies (except that the cookies are delicious, of course). And now, to prove it, I will give you these twelve quotes. You tell me which are from the fortune cookies and which are from Joel Osteen.

Note: Many, many fortune cookies were harmed in the preparation of this quiz.

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To see the answer, look for the gray underline beneath each question. Simply double-click or click and drag over the line to see the response. If you are reading via RSS, you may need to click through to the site in order to have the answers hidden from view.

Question One

“Happiness is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it.”
Fortune Cookie

Question Two

“Do all you can to make your dreams come true.”
Joel Osteen       

Question Three

“Take time to make a difference. Think about how you can make somebody else’s life better.”
Joel Osteen       

Question Four

“Avoid focusing on the negative aspects of the past.”
Fortune Cookie

Question Five

“You have something to offer that nobody else can give!”
Joel Osteen       

Question Six

“When you can’t naturally feel upbeat, it can sometimes help to act as if you did.”
Fortune Cookie

Question Seven

“To affirm is to make firm.”
Fortune Cookie

Question Eight

“Relationships are more important than our accomplishments.”
Joel Osteen       

Question Nine

“Somebody needs your encouragement. Somebody needs to know that you believe in them.”
Joel Osteen     

Question Ten

“The best things in life aren’t things.”
Fortune Cookie

Question Eleven

“You will produce what you’re continually seeing in your mind.”
Joel Osteen       

Question Twelve

“Judge each day not by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant.”
Fortune Cookie

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So how did you do? I would have loved to be able to package this as a slick little quiz, but unfortunately I couldn’t find software that would do that without either attaching unsuitable ads or otherwise polluting your computer.