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I Feel I Think I Believe
February 22, 2016

Have you noticed how everyone today seems to tell us what and how they feel? “I feel like we should pray about that before we do it.” “I feel like Hillary Clinton would make a terrible (or wonderful) president.” “I feel like that’s an unfair statement.” I could be wrong here, but aren’t these “I feel” statements more common than they used to be? It may be a matter of mere semantics or a matter of the evolution of the English language. But it may just be more than that. It may just point us to something we ought to consider.

There is a hierarchy when it comes to the ways we express ourselves and our convictions. There are some things we believe, some things we think, and some things we feel. The terms are hierarchical rather than synonymous and over time we ought to see a progression from feeling to thinking to believing. We should want to elevate more of what we feel into what we think and more of what we think into what we believe. I will grant that there can be fine distinctions here, but there is still value in distinguishing them, at least for our purposes.

The things I believe are the things for which I have the highest confidence. They are the things I am convinced of, the things I hold to be absolutely true, even though you may disagree. I believe Jesus Christ rose from the dead. I believe democracy is superior to fascism or communism. I believe marriage is meant to be a lifelong commitment between one man and one woman.

The things I think are the things for which I have a little bit less confidence. These are the areas in which I am in a process of growth in understanding and conviction. These are the areas in which absolute right or wrong may not be quite as clear. I believe God tells us to assemble with other Christians to worship him each week, and I think it is best to do this on Sunday (especially here in North America).

The things I feel are the things I am unsure of, the things I am encountering and responding to on an impulsive or emotional level. I feel that it would be a bad idea for the government of Canada to shut down the office of religious freedom. I feel that because I have only the barest knowledge of the office and its functions and I would need to learn more in order to develop thoughts and then beliefs about it. I feel that it would be a good idea for the Blue Jays to offer a contract extension to Jose Bautista, but I have not read or researched enough to have well-formed thoughts.

In this way I believe, I think, and I feel have different meanings. And I believe (not “I feel”) that these meanings are consistent with how they have typically been used. So why, then, do we speak so much of feelings today?

I think that our preference for “I feel” may just unmask our culture’s fear of strong convictions and confident self-expression. “I feel” may be a way of safeguarding ourselves in an age that elevates faux tolerance and political correctness as the highest of all virtues. It proactively softens the blow for those things we would otherwise declare to be true and right and good. You may be offended by my thoughts or beliefs, but surely not by my feelings!

Yet we as Christians must know what we believe and we must believe these things with strength and confidence. It is not wrong to feel, but it is not enough. Feelings will not sustain us when the world turns against us. Feelings will not sustain us when enemies rise up to oppose our faith. Feelings will not sustain us in the face of compelling arguments against the Bible, against creation, against the resurrection. Only strong convictions grounded upon well-formed thoughts will be enough in that day. In fact, only strong convictions grounded upon well-formed thoughts are enough for this day.

Image credit: Shutterstock

February 21, 2016

With the start of another week comes another selection of letters to the editor. This was a lively week for letters and the ones I publish below represent a cross-section of the feedback from readers like you.

Comments on Why Did God Create the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil?

I’m curious about your Sinclair Ferguson quote from The Whole Christ and am wondering how it’s different than the type of writing found in Jesus Calling? I’m not trying to be snarky and haven’t read either book but am truly wondering how “speaking for God” (as you wrote in your critique of Sarah Young’s book) is okay in this instance. I don’t find anything particularly out of line with what Ferguson said in this quote but am left confused about the general practice of assuming what God is thinking or saying—and writing it as a first-person quotation.
—Emily V, Jacksonville, FL

Tim - I received a number of questions about this, which rather surprised me. I see these as wholly different things. Ferguson was simply offering a first-person explanation of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Sarah Young, on the other hand, says that she is bringing new revelation from Jesus. One is explanatory, the other is revelatory.

Comments on Messy Grace

Messy Grace sounds like a fascinating read. I appreciated the important points you made about homosexuality providing an identity, the difference between identity and behaviour, and our calls and convictions being too simplistic. I agree, but in my opinion you go on to make the same mistake you’ve just identified when you present the new identity found in Christ as the solution. Whilst true, this is overly simplistic and overlooks the core issue which is that sexuality provides a deep seated identity to all, whether gay or straight. Your sexuality determines a lot more about you than your sexual behaviour - it determines much of your personality and how you relate to others (of either gender). You didn’t have to give up this core part of your identity when you came to Christ, but that’s what some are asking same sex attracted people to. For a heterosexual person who has never had their sexuality challenged, it’s very hard to put ourselves in the shoes of someone who has only ever know same sex attraction—but for the sake of our witness, I believe we need to start with that while recognising how deeply entrenched our own sexuality is to who we are.
—Ian M, Bristol, UK

Comments on Sex on the Silver Screen

This article is one of your best, as far as relevance in today’s creeping moral standard within the world of entertainment. You hit the nail on the head while juxtaposing God’s Word to the subject directly (and did not dance around it, which is refreshing.) Sure, what you write about is not a new subject. However, movie sex scenes have gotten to the point where they are obviously gratuitous and designed to elicit a voyeurism response while moving the bar just a little further from the standard. At some point one just sees it for what it is: indecency, and wrong. Your article reminded me that there are points in life when we as individuals have strayed far enough from God’s prescribed path that we become cognizant, and a reset moment occurs that realigns our thinking. I believe your article is a big reset moment which brings unabashed clarity to the subject of which you write. Thank you for an excellent reminder to guard ourselves—not as a Puritan—but as a Christian who must honor God’s requirements for what we put into our minds through visual media.
—Paul M, Virginia Dale, CO


Hi Tim, I have enjoyed reading challies.com for some years. I am a young Christian and have felt some of the same sentiment that you express in the Sex and the Silver Screen article. You mention that nearly every show has such scenes. My question is whether you would suggest that skipping the scene or skipping the show is the more appropriate response? Thanks for your commitment to engage important issues like this one!
—Matthew C, Belfast, NI

Tim: I did not cover this in the article, but may at a later date.


I agree with your point, that if we’re not comfortable with our spouse doing something with another man/woman, we shouldn’t be comfortable watching it. That brings up a question though: what should we watch at all? I for one wouldn’t be comfortable with my wife kissing another man, yet this is frequently portrayed by actors who are playing characters that are dating or married. Those actors must actually kiss, and make it believable. For that matter, I wouldn’t want my wife to act out any part of an intimate relationship with another man. I would think these issues extend beyond explicit sex alone. How then do you suggest we draw appropriate boundaries and still (if at all) leave room for artistic expression?
—Baxter M, Winston Salem, NC

Tim: That, too, is a very valid question. I think of Kirk Cameron in the film Fireproof who said he would only kiss his own wife. So in the kissing scene at the end of the movie, the filmmakers subtly substituted his own wife.


I really appreciate this article. I’d add: I think your reasoning here explains why on-screen violence isn’t the same as on-screen sex. It’s possible to act like you’re killing someone without actually doing so. It isn’t the same when it comes to touching someone in an intimate manner. Christians are often criticized for objecting more to on-screen sex than we do to on-screen violence, and I think your article explains well why the first is more troubling than the second. (Not to say on-screen violence isn’t a problem. Simply to say that it’s a much more “apples to oranges” situation than it might first appear to be.)
—Jessica S, Los Angeles, CA


Let me start by saying that I’ve never left a comment or written to the author of a blog article. But I’m compelled to today because of the graphic nature of this particular article. Pornography is pervasive in our culture. I dare say it is pervasive even in the church. Thankfully, many men (and women) are winning the battle against the temptation to get pulled in by a society that is trying to force it on us all. So….while agree 100% with the points in your article, I’m astonished at the detailed descriptions that I read. I am afraid that the graphic depictions you gave could cause a brother or sister to fall back into former bondage. Just as an alcoholic can’t play with alcohol, Christians should play with pornography. It’s a vile addiction. Please consider removing your article or at least cleaning it up to be more suitable for Christian readers. After all, the very point if your article is to encourage people to abstain from watching sexual encounters on TV yet you paint a vivid description of one several times. Thanks for considering my request.
—Shannon M, North Carolina

Comments on She Who Shall Not Be Named

I am reading Jesus through Middle Eastern Eyes. The author spent most of life in Middle East, and provides some commentary on the David and Bathsheba incident. David’s actions are deplorable, for sure. However, modesty in the Middle East was huge. Bathing quarters were extremely private. It would have been impossible for David to “stumble” upon a bathing woman in this culture. Bathsheba “had” to place herself in this “view” of David in order for the encounter to be possible. She would have had to open doors, relieve drapes, or do some other purposeful measures in order to be “discovered” by the most powerful man in Jerusalem. The Jewish commentators did place some fair amount of blame on Bathsheba (including leaving her nameless in one of the NT geneaologies). We shouldn’t dismiss older commentators as “sexist” too easily. Again, David still had full responsibility for his actions, and no excuses, but Bathsheba was not an innocent lamb, in the least, if we look at historical customs.
—Steve H, Peoria, AZ

She Who Shall Not Be Named
February 19, 2016

You never know where your Bible study will take you. You never understand how perfectly God has woven his Word until you follow a single thread from author to author, culture to culture, millennium to millennium, and see how God’s revelation of himself and his purposes is so perfectly consistent. Recently I followed a thread that began in a New Testament epistle and then ran past ancient priests and prophets, cultures and kingdoms, until eventually it wrapped around the life of King David. And here I found something that challenged me, something that I believe can challenge you too. It is something that speaks poignantly to a situation we face here, these thousands of years later.

King David’s infamous act of adultery has long been held as a powerful case study of the nature of temptation. Through its consequences to his life, family, and kingdom, it has been held as well as a case study of the terrible ravages of sin. As each generation has grappled with the sins of its age, David’s depravity has provided new and timely lessons, new warnings, and new rebukes.

You know, I am sure, how the story unfolds. As David walks on the rooftop late one spring afternoon, he spots a woman bathing—a particularly beautiful and desirable woman. As David investigates, he learns that she is also particularly vulnerable—vulnerable because her husband is off fighting David’s war. “So David sent messengers and took her, and she came to him, and he lay with her” (2 Samuel 11:4). Shortly thereafter, she would report to David that she was pregnant with his child. Adultery would lead to murder, making it an evil, ugly story of sin begetting sin begetting sin.

It makes a fascinating study to observe the difference between older and newer commentaries when it comes to Bathsheba’s role in what unfolded. If you do this, you will see that many of the older commentators lay a measure of blame on her. What was she doing bathing then and there? Didn’t she come willingly when the king summoned her to his palace? Didn’t she later prove herself a formidable woman who was angling for her son to be David’s successor (see 1 Kings 1)? Maybe she was the victimizer and he the victim!

By contrast, most modern commentators (rightly, I believe) attach the full measure of blame to David. The ESV Study Bible seems to stick closely to the text of 2 Samuel 11 and to offer the best insight into human nature when it says “Given the elaborate attempt David makes (vv. 6–13) to cover up the initial act of his adultery, it is hardly likely that he makes his intention clear when he summons Bathsheba. Probably David makes inquiry about the welfare of the family of his trusted general during Uriah’s absence and gives Uriah’s wife the honor of a private interview, even sending messengers (plural) to invite Bathsheba.” There is no hint in the text that Bathsheba is anything other than the unwilling victim of the king’s sexual exploitation.

Bathsheba dutifully responds to the king’s summons and it is only when she arrives that David makes his intentions clear. By then he has set aside all self-control and will now take what he has determined he ought to have. Walter Brueggemann deduces this from both the words and the style of the narrative:

The action is quick. The verbs rush as the passion of David rushed. He sent; he took; he lay (v. 4). The royal deed of self-indulgence does not take very long. There is no adornment to the action. The woman then gets some verbs: she returned, she conceived. The action is so stark. There is nothing but action. There is no conversation. There is no hint of caring, of affection, of love—only lust.

David has a sudden surge of sexual desire and acts on it recklessly and impulsively. Whether by strength or seduction he takes what is not his. Then the deed is over and right at this moment we can make an observation about a small detail in the text. After the text’s description of David’s deed it says, “the woman conceived.” Brueggemann points out that “David does not call her by name, does not even speak to her. At the end of the encounter she is only ‘the woman’ (v. 5).” Only “the woman”? Why? We had already been introduced to her as Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite, but now after the consummation of the act she is only “the woman.” She has become only “she who shall not be named.”

Why? Because David had not treated her as a person. He stripped her humanity when he stripped her clothing. He stole her dignity through his brutality. And this is where we can draw a lesson for the twenty-first century, especially as it pertains to the plague of pornography. The people who act out pornography have fake names or no names at all. They have no family, no history, no dreams, no future. They have no reality, no humanity. They lack all of this because in the minds of those who lust after them they are not fully human. They are nameless faces, personless bodies. Those who exploit them strip them of their names to strip them of their humanity. To do what they do to them, to take what they take from them, they must first remove their humanity. This is the cost of obsession, compulsion, and exploitation. These women, too, are only “she who shall not be named.”

The Character of the Christian
February 18, 2016

Today we continue our series on the character of the Christian. We are exploring how the various character qualifications of elders are actually God’s calling on all Christians. While elders are meant to exemplify these traits, all Christians are to exhibit them. I want us to consider whether we are displaying these traits and to learn together how we can pray to have them in greater measure. Today we will look at what it means for an elder—and every Christian—to be gentle.

Paul writes to Timothy, “Therefore an overseer must [be] not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome” (1 Timothy 3:2–3). Similarly, he tells Titus that an overseer “must not be arrogant or quick-tempered … or violent” (Titus 1:7). The positive characteristic here is gentleness and it is opposed by the two negative characteristics of violence and quarreling. The elder (and, therefore, every mature Christian) pursues gentleness and flees from violence and bickering.

To be gentle is to be tender, humble, and fair, to know what posture and response is fitting for any occasion. It indicates a graciousness, a desire to extend mercy to others, and a desire to yield to both the will of God and the preferences of other people. Such gentleness will be expressed first in the home and only subsequently in the church. It is a rare trait, but one we know and love when we see and experience it.

Alexander Strauch notes that to pursue gentleness is to imitate Jesus. He writes, “Jesus tells us who He is as a person: He is gentle and humble. Too many religious leaders, however, are not gentle nor are they humble. They are controlling and proud. They use people to satisfy their fat egos. But Jesus is refreshingly different. He truly loves people, selflessly serving and giving His life for them. He expects His followers—especially the elders who lead His people—to be humble and gentle like Himself.” Similarly, John Piper writes, “This [gentleness] is the opposite of pugnacious or belligerent. He should not be harsh or mean-spirited. He should be inclined to tenderness and resort to toughness only when the circumstances commend this form of love. His words should not be acid or divisive but helpful and encouraging.”

The elder, then, must be gentle, able to control his temper and his response to others when he is attacked, maligned, and finds himself in tense or difficult situations. He is marked at all times by patience, tenderness, and a sweet spirit. Negatively, he must not lose control either physically or verbally. He must not respond to others with physical force or threats of violence. When it comes to his words, he must not quarrel or bicker or be one who loves to argue. Even when pushed and exasperated he will not lash out with his words, he will not crush a bruised reed or snuff out a faintly burning wick.

I am sure you realize that God calls all Christians—not just elders—to be gentle. Elders must serve as examples of gentleness, but each one of us must display this trait if we are to imitate our Savior. There are many texts we can turn to, including this one which tells us that gentleness is a necessary fruit of the Spirit: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23). Shortly thereafter Paul says, “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness” (Galatians 6:1).

He urges the Christians in Ephesus to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called” and says that this involves living “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:1-3). When speaking of the congregation under Titus’ care he says, “Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people” (Titus 3:1–2). The evidence is clear: We are to be gentle so we can serve as a display of the one who deals so gently with us.


So, how about you? Does your life reflect the meekness and humility of gentleness? I encourage you to prayerfully ask yourself questions like these:

  • When someone wrongs you, are you prone to lash out in anger? If so, does that anger express itself physically, verbally, or both?
  • Are people afraid to confront sin in your life because they fear your anger or your cutting words? Do your wife and children fear you?
  • Would your friends and family say that you are gentle? Would they say that you treat them with tenderness?
  • Do you like to play the devil’s advocate? Do you like a good argument? What would your social media presence indicate?

Prayer Points

The God of peace is eager to give you the peace of God (Phillipians 4:7, 9). So, I encourage you to pray in these ways:

  • I pray that you would make me more like Christ so that I may be gentle just like he is gentle. I pray that I would regularly consider all the ways in which you have been so patient and gentle with me.
  • I pray that you would help me swallow my pride, confess my sins to others, and restore any strained relationships I have.
  • I pray that you would give me the grace to be patient and calm when others attack and misunderstand me. Help me respond with gentleness even in the most difficult circumstances.
  • I pray that I would be slow to begin an argument or to wade into someone else’s.

Next week we will consider what it means for elders and Christians to be temperate in their consumption of alcohol.

Do Not Be Conformed to this World
February 17, 2016

Romans 12:2 is consistently one of the most quoted verses in the Bible. In that little passage we are warned that there are forces competing for our attention and loyalty and that even Christians are at times torn between the two. “Do not be conformed to this world,” says the Apostle Paul, “but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Paul assumes that we will not and cannot remain unchanged in life. We will not and cannot remain who and what we are right now. The question, then, is how we will change and who we will allow to influence us. Will we be conformed to the world around us or will be we transformed by God?

Conformity is an ever-present danger. I recently found myself considering it and thought of two ways that we can be conformed to this world—we can actively pursue the world and worldliness or we can simply be passive and allow the world a slow but steady eroding influence.

The first way to be conformed to the world, then, is to be drawn to it, to be enamored by it and to imitate it. This is a great temptation to many people and perhaps especially to young people who have been raised in Christian homes. When I was a teenager I saw many of my friends get swept up in this kind of worldliness. We had all been raised in Christian families, but when my friends began to experience the independence of young adulthood, as they began to distance themselves from their parents, many decided they wanted to experience what the world had to offer. So they studied how the world acted and acted that way. They studied how the world dressed and they dressed that way. In a hundred little ways they conformed to the world until they were indistinguishable from the world. Some eventually experienced a work of God to draw them back. Many others never did. They were deliberately completely conformed.

For most of us, though, the conforming power of the world comes in a much subtler form. We become conformed to the world by just lowering our guard, by neglecting to maintain a watchful demeanor, by failing to hold an offensive posture against the encroachment of the world. If full-out pursuing the world is the equivalent of being instantly crushed in a giant industrial mold, then this other kind of conformity is being slowly, slowly squeezed in that mold, one little crank at a time. Eventually both methods will conform you to the shape of the mold, but one will happen much slower—so slowly that you might not even notice some of the changes as they are taking place.

We can be conformed to the world this way through our entertainment, by not being cautious about what we see, hear, and read and about how much of it we consume. We can be conformed through our education, by being influenced too much by people who are opposed to God and too little by those who love him. We can be conformed through our friendships, maintaining our best and most formative relationships with unbelievers or outright antagonists. We can be conformed to the world through our apathy, neglecting God’s ordinary means of grace dispensed through the local church, failing to engage in private and family worship.

And what happens? Over time, our understanding of our purpose is shaped by whatever is on the bestseller list instead of by what God says in his Word. Our understanding of the world’s origins is set by the classroom instead of being measured against the Bible. Our understanding of sexuality owes more to movies or pornography than to the Creator of both our bodies and our sexuality. We are conformed slowly through carelessness, through lack of attention, through plain neglect. Where are you tempted to lower your guard? Where are you allowing the world just a crack into your heart and your mind? This may be the means through which you are being conformed to the world.

Worldliness is like gravity, always there, always pushing down on you, always exerting its influence on you. As a Christian you are charged with resisting it day by day. You must and you can. You must because your spiritual life and health depend on it. You can because you are indwelled by the Holy Spirit whose joy is to transform you by the Word of God into the image of the Son of God. Do not be conformed to this world!

Image credit: Shutterstock

Christians Should Not Watch Movies With Sex and Nudity
February 15, 2016

What would it take for you? What would it take for you, husband, to be okay with your wife baring her breasts and body in front of a movie camera? What would it take for you to allow another man to strip off her clothes, to kiss her, to fall into bed with her, and to pantomime having sex with her? What would it take for you to be okay with a camera crew recording shot after shot, angle after angle, until every detail is perfectly convincing? What would it take for you to be okay with the rest of us watching this as entertainment? And you, wife, would you be okay if your husband was the one acting it all out, holding her in his arms, mimicking ecstasy? Is there anything, anything at all, that would make all of that okay?

I believe the Bible makes it very clear that sex and the nakedness that goes with it are sacred, matters to be shared only between a husband and wife. What is good and appropriate within marriage—unashamed nakedness and uninhibited sex—are matters of exclusivity and privacy. I think you probably agree with me.

Nakedness and sexuality are common themes in today’s movies and television. It seems increasingly rare to find a movie or show that doesn’t have at least one lingering shot of nudity or one steamy scene of passion. And even while so many Christians feel freedom to watch it all, I am increasingly convinced that we should not. I am increasingly convinced that Christians should avoid watching movies with scenes of nudity and sexuality. There are many reasons for this, but today I will constrain myself to just one—one that I have found particularly compelling and convicting.

Let’s begin here: What we see on the screen is both fact and fiction. When it comes to nakedness and sex in movies, we sometimes lose the fact in the fiction. What we watch is a fictional story, but one that has been acted out in real ways by real people. This has important implications when it comes to a bedroom scene. To film that scene, real people had to remove real clothes, bare real bodies, touch each other in real places, and move together in a real bed. It may not have been full-on sexual intercourse, but it still involved real acts between real people. The reason sex scenes look real is that to a large degree they are real. Those are not fake breasts you see, the actors are not exchanging fake kisses or fake caresses, she is not pretending to straddle him.

Now the question: What would it take for you to be okay with your wife participating in that scene? Would you send her off to work tomorrow knowing that she would be topless for hours at a time, that she would be rolling around on a bed with another man as a crew looked on, as they adjusted the lighting, as they practiced different angles, as the director instructed her, “No, put your hands there. Move in that way…” She would not be having sex with him, but she would be doing her best to act like it, to make others believe it. She would be taking all she knows of the movements, the motion, the pleasure of sex with you and imitating it with this other man. Wife, what would it take for you to be okay with your husband stripping her and kissing her and carrying her to bed? My guess is that you cannot imagine any scenario in which that would be tolerable, in which that would be moral and right. Now hold onto that conviction for a moment.

You know the second of God’s great commandments: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” This commandment implies that the way you behave toward the ones you love most is meant to regulate the way you behave toward those you love least and even toward those you may not know at all. God assumes you will protect your own interests and makes that self-interest your guide to protecting the interests of others.

We have established how unthinkable it would be for your wife to bare herself for the camera or your husband to simulate having sex with that actress. This is a good indicator of how you ought to think about that Hollywood glamor girl when she begins to peel off her shirt, when she wraps herself around that guy. You have no right to see her body as any less sacred than your own spouse’s. If it would be intolerable for you to watch your wife acting out sexual deeds and sexual pleasure with another man, it should be equally intolerable for you to be entertained by watching anyone else simulate those deeds and that pleasure. To refuse to see such things is simply loving your neighbor as yourself, loving that actress as you love your wife.

The reality is, the Bible forbids what those actors are doing. If the Bible forbids what they are doing, it also forbids your voyeuristic participation in it. If they act sinfully by doing it, you act sinfully by watching it. But you bear the greater blame because you are a Christian, one who is meant to think of them with the mind of Christ and to see them through the eyes of Christ. God forbid that you would ever accept your wife baring herself for our entertainment! So God forbid that you would ever tolerate another woman baring herself for yours!

Image credit: Shutterstock

Letters to the Editor
February 14, 2016

With another Sunday, we have another batch of letters to the editor. These letters focus in on just a few of the articles I have posted over the past 2 weeks.

Comments on An Unexpected Blessing of Parenting

After reading the post, I get it that the picture is probably supposed to show a father and son as friends. But, in looking at the FB post of my friend, what I saw was a “couple” made of up two men. Not likely what you intended.
—Nancy P, Edmond OK

Tim: I see it as a sign of the times that we would see a graphic like that and immediately think “homosexuality” rather than “friendship.”


As the mother of two young boys, reading this article felt like God’s reaching down and giving me a hug. Although they rarely say the words “I love you,” and I never ask for that from them, they can hardly wait to hug me first thing in the morning. They love it when I lay down with them at night before bed, when I read chapter after chapter to them from good books, when we spend one-on-one time together, when we play soccer in the backyard….I delight in them, and I think they in me. I believe that God is using me to build them into capable adults, authentic men. But I must say, reading your piece just now breathes such affirmation into my soul. Thank you.
—Allison L, Orlando FL


Hi Tim - just wanted to say thanks for your article today! I am the mother of four boys, ages six and under. While I LOVE being a mom to all boys, I often had the nagging feeling that my window of influence would be restricted to the toddler years. Your article was very encouraging. I shared it on my page and it encouraged many other women. Thanks again!
—Sara Wallace, Coeur D’Alene, ID


I have followed your blog for many years, but this is the first time I have been moved to write. As a homeschooling mom of a 12-year-old boy, I was very encouraged to read about your relationship with your mom. I’ve always been close to my son, but as he has grown, I’ve questioned whether or not I should continue to pursue that closeness, or if I should draw away. After all, I don’t want to raise a “mama’s boy,” as you said in your article. He has a good relationship with his dad, and I will continue to encourage that, but now I will worry less about the closeness we share and the amount of time we spend together. Thanks!
—Kim S, Wellsville, PA

Comments on Capturing Weak Woman

I wanted to thank you for your excellent article on Weak Women. God has brought our church through a difficult time that has involved many of the aspects that you shared in your article. Your point on being lead and motivated by guilt is so relevant. When we refuse to go to the Cross with guilt, the only other option is to “charge” others to release our sin debt.
—Dan M, Milltown WI

Comments on The Hidden Beauty of a Bad Sermon

Thank you so very much for taking the necessary time and thoughtfulness to write this important article. As someone who is presently serving on a pastor search committee, I find these words encouraging in the grace and love with which they are saturated. Well done.
—Vicky B, Harlan KY


As a young preacher who has preached, and will preach, some of these ‘hidden-beauty-sermons,’ I want to thank you for the encouraging article. I am finding that the tumbles along the way produce a humbler and hardier preacher. One of the greatest needs in the world today is men who are mighty in the Scriptures. By God’s grace He will make me into a man who heralds His word with might and skill. “And may they forget the channel, seeing only Him.”
—Caleb H, Cambridge ON


What should a parishioner’s response be when the preacher preaches bad sermon after bad sermon after bad sermon. In this case, he is not a new, young preacher, but a very seasoned one. Each week it is 45 minutes to an hour of rambling with no discernible outline and 10 or so slightly related points. After several years of this, along with other non-doctrinal concerns (safety in the children’s ministry), I feel it is time to search for a new church home. Do you feel like this is an appropriate response or should we stick it out?
—Melissa M, Kerrville TX

Tim: I hesitate to answer questions like this one, but do often recommend the 9Marks site as they have accumulated a wealth of material on healthy and unhealthy churches. Their articles helpfully discuss when it may be time to leave a church and how to do it well.

Comments on Why I Love an Evening Service

I don’t know. I didn’t necessarily disagree with any of the article - it was well written. But, you left off the part about God commanding a day of “rest.” I think many churches are actually coming to terms with the fact that Sunday School, Sunday morning service, choir practice, evening service and ice cream social do not lend themselves to actual rest. Just my two cents.
—Caleb P, Greenville SC


While I agree in theory with your idea of an evening service to praise more, learn more and spend more time with my church family it can make for a long day for volunteers in ministry. My husband is in the worship band. We pick up local college girls at 8:30 am, band practice is at 9:00, service at 10:00 which ends at noon. If he is on prayer team that can add almost another hour. Then we return the girls to the college. By the time he gets home and has lunch it can be almost 3:00 pm. If he has to be at church for a 6 pm rehearsal then dinner has to be at 5pm. Maybe he gets home by 9 pm. He does all this as a volunteer. You say that people want a chance to serve, but it is our experience that 10% of the people do 90% of the work and it can be extremely difficult to move people from the pews to the point of service.
—Lynn H, Beverly MA


I would like to point out a rather forgotten origin of the evening services. They seem to have started in the UK during the era of large estate houses. The evening service began as a way to provide the servants with their own church service. Due to the demands on the household staff of preparing the families and their guests for the church service as well as the Sunday meal, the servants had no time to join the service. After the Sunday meal, most servants were given the evening off. This allowed them to attend an evening service that was offered for them.
—Todd C, Oman

February 12, 2016

There is a lot about parenting I expected. I had been tipped off to many of the joys and many of the sorrows. I knew it would require long days and late nights; I knew it would draw out both strengths and weaknesses in my character; I knew it would expose a part of my heart that would love with a unique tenacity and fierceness; I knew it would help me better understand why God relates to us as Father; I knew it would deliver a special kind of satisfaction that I could be involved in something as incredible as forming and training a person made in the image of God.

Lately, though, I have been reflecting on one blessing of parenting that I had not anticipated. It took some time to experience simply because it depends upon having children who have grown past the toddler stage, past the little kid stage, and into the older kid or teen stage. An unexpected blessing of parenting is that eventually your children become your friends. You wake up one day and realize that you enjoy your son not only as a child but as a friend. You look over at the passenger seat and see someone sitting there who is as much a friend as a daughter.

This has been a sweet realization. It has been a joy to see that, in time, the parenting distance increases and the peer distance decreases. It has been a joy to learn to relate to my children not only as their father but as their friend. It has been a joy to add to the relationship that has always existed—father/child—one that has been forged out of our shared time and experiences. We no longer want to do only those things that fathers and sons or fathers and daughters do. Now we want to do the things that friends do, to relate in the ways that friends relate. We enjoy one another so much that we would spend time together even if we weren’t related.

What I am learning is this: Ultimately, the great joy of parenting is to come to love and enjoy your children not only for what they are (your children) but for who they are (your friends).