At one time or another, most of us witnessed the devastation that comes through infidelity in marriage. We have seen marriages stretched almost to the breaking point and we have seen marriages destroyed by an unfaithful husband or unfaithful wife.
Affairs do not begin with sex. Falling into bed with a man who is not your husband or a woman who is not your wife is simply one step in a long chain of events, one decision in a long series of poor decisions.
Last weekend I teamed up with Denny Burk to speak at a conference about sex and its cultural counterfeits. Denny preached a powerful message about the blessing and importance of sexual intimacy within marriage and as he did so, he referred to one of his favorite preachers, Tommy Nelson, who provides 6 “e’s” to describe the “ease” with which people fall into extra-marital affairs. They are worth considering. (Note: I am writing from the perspective of a man, but this as easily applies to women.)
Affairs do not begin when you experience sexual intimacy with someone who is not your spouse. An affair begins much farther back, when you begin to eliminate intimacy in your marriage. This is not only the intimacy of sex, but the intimacy that comes by dating, by long face-to-face conversations, and by physical affection. Instead of pursuing your wife, you grow hard and complacent. The joy fades, the discontentment rises.
As you eliminate the intimacy in your own marriage you will inevitably encounter someone else who is attractive to you. She may be physically attractive, she may be attractive in character, she may be attractive in seeming to provide what your wife is lacking. Regardless of the specifics, there will be something about her that will draw you and promise to offer the very things you are missing in your own marriage.
After that encounter, you will find that you soon begin to enjoy your relationship with that other woman. Your enjoyment of this woman allows her to move into the emotional space formerly reserved for your wife. It is here that the wise man will immediately identify the danger and back away. Yet the enjoyment is pleasurable, of course, and too many men neglect to take the wise and godly course of action.