The secret is out. World Magazine has decided to add to their online presence by increasing the scope of their blog. Joe Carter, of Evangelical Outpost, has been asked to head-up this new venture. I have been asked to become editor of the Ex Libris section of the blog which will be dedicated to book reviews. My task sounds challenging enough. “This feature will certainly become the best place to find literary criticism from a biblical perspective.” Naturally I consider this an honor and look forward to working with World. I trust this opportunity will allow more good books to get into the hands of more Christians.

You can read Joe Carter’s introduction to the blog here. And of course you can see the blog itself at http://www.worldmagblog.com/blog/.

It is a mild, grey morning at the cottage. My daughter is still asleep, so I have been unable to dial-up and do my twice-daily email check (that’s about all I do when I’m on vacation). So I’ve been passing the time by looking through directories of old articles. Among these I found the four articles that kick-started this site back in 2002. “Calvinism vs Arminianism” is dated October 10, 2002. “Mother Teresa” is dated October 28. Those articles were posted back when this site was only a repository for family photographs. Almost a year passes before it becomes a blog. A few months later there are articles about the band Evanescence and another examining my own propensity for evil. Those articles were really my first attempts at putting pen to paper, so to speak, and posting public articles. In October of that year I decided to get serious about blogging and haven’t missed a day since November 1, 2003.

There is one other article I found that I’m quite sure I never posted. But it seems that it was an important one in my spiritual development at the time. This was a time when I was considering walking away from the Reformed faith. Reformed was all I had known, yet I had begun attending a non-Reformed church and had seen a faith that I considered more active and more exciting. My wife and I began, pragmatically, I suppose, to wonder if being Reformed was a spiritual liability.

And so I wrote an article I entitled “Losing My Religion.” I am almost embarrassed posting it because it is somewhat private, but at the same time I found it interesting. I need to reflect on how successful I was in losing my religion. I have only vague memories of writing the article, but know that it came at a time when I began to “backwards engineer” my faith. This is a term I often used at the time and described the process of trying to dismantle my beliefs, bit-by-bit, to try to understand what was mine, what was tradition, and what was biblical.

And so I give you, without any further commentary, “Losing My Religion.”

Pronunciation: ri-‘li-j&n
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English religioun, from Latin religion-, religio supernatural constraint, sanction, religious practice, perhaps from religare to restrain, tie back — more at RELY
Date: 13th century
1 a : the state of a religious a nun in her 20th year of religion b (1) : the service and worship of God or the supernatural (2) : commitment or devotion to religious faith or observance
2 : a personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices
3 archaic : scrupulous conformity : CONSCIENTIOUSNESS
4 : a cause, principle, or system of beliefs held to with ardor and faith
- religionless adjective

Is it not true that everyone in this world is searching for a system of beliefs to which they can subscribe with scrupulous conformity? And do we not all wish to have a cause, principle or system of belief to which we can hold with ardor and faith? Based on such a drab description it is no wonder that so many people in our society are abandoning religion. There are some who are comforted by holding to an institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs and practices, but certainly the general public is turning its back on just such a portrayal of religion. And who can blame people for running away from beliefs so stagnant and dreary?

The Christian faith, which our society is so quickly abandoning, should be much more than a commitment or devotion to religious faith or observance. A religion based upon scrupulous conformity is destined to lead to legalism. Legalism, in turn, binds us to a reliance on our own abilities to find purpose and meaning in life.

Jesus was a perfectly sane man. Would it be sensible to suffer and die to save the world from sin and to deliver God’s people from the clutches of the Law in order to institutionalize a system of restraints and constraints? No! Faith, true saving faith, provides freedom. It provides joy and it provides pleasure. As Christians it becomes our joy and our delight to find pleasure in God. It is only in Him and through Him and ultimately through a restoration of a relationship with Him that we can find freedom. We are set free from the ties that have bound us and are allowed to experience true communion with our Creator.

I believe that every Christian has, within him, some religion. Within each of us there is desire to conform to an institutionalized system of beliefs. Sometimes we all prefer to be constrained rather than allowing ourselves to really be set free.

And so I am losing my religion. It is difficult to do. In many cases certain tenets of my religion have been with me since I was old enough to understand anything. Others have crept in somewhere along the journey and have wormed their way into the core of my being. Such beliefs are difficult to root out, and as a matter of fact, are difficult even to see within myself. Yet I am confident that with honest and deliberate self-examination I will be able to find them, contain them, and eradicate them.

I refuse to live a life bound by the bonds of religion. I want a faith that is living and breathing, a faith that wrap itself around every part of my life.

Life is far too short to miss the real thing.

I am going to pose a question and ask you to think for a minute or two before answering. Stop for a moment before you continue reading this article and answer this simple question. Who is the worst sinner you know? Chances are that you know hundreds of people. Perhaps a thousand. Think of all those people and ponder which one is the worst sinner of all.

I’ll wait.

Who did you think of? Perhaps you thought of a parent who did irreversible damage to you when you were only a child. Maybe you thought of a co-worker who delights in his own depravity, or maybe you thought of a friend or family-member who is imprisoned for what he has done. But if you were honest I hope you were able to admit that you know someone who is a far greater sinner than any of these.

Who do you know better than anyone else? Whose heart is laid before you in its entirety, so that you cannot escape the evil bubbling just beneath the surface and the far greater evil buried deep within? When I stop and think about the greatest sinner I know, I really have no choice but to admit that it is me. I am the greatest sinner I know. It feels good to say it. Good but humbling. I am the greatest sinner I know. I may not sin as much as the guy next door, but I see only a few of his evil deeds, so he cannot be the worst winner I know. I see every single one of mine. All day long, in everything I do and in every word I say, I see my own propensity towards evil.

I know how my heart grumbles when it should be glad, and how it is glad when it should cry out. I see how I can walk away from the poor, lonely and destitute and rarely think of them again. I know how I continually do the very things I least want to do and least should do, all the while avoiding those things I most want to do. Truly there is no end to the depravity of my heart. William Law, who lived in the 18th century, knew this. He said, “Nothing hath separated us from God but our own will, or rather our own will is our separation from God.” He said also that, “Self is the root, the tree, and the branches of all the evils of our fallen state.” The selfishness of my heart and my love for what is evil is both shocking and humbling. And it all begins with me.

The apostle Paul knew this. While there are few people in all of history most of us would be more eager to spend time with, and while there are few who have contributed more to the Christian faith, he looked into his heart and proclaimed himself the chief of sinners. “The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life” (1 Timothy 1:15,16).

Like Paul, William Law was the worst sinner he knew. He wrote, “We may justly condemn ourselves as the greatest sinners we know because we know more of the folly of our own heart than we do of other people’s.”

You are the worst winner you know. I am the worst sinner I know. Say it to yourself and let it sink in. Let it penetrate your heart and your conscience.

All is not lost.

Why did Paul proclaim himself the foremost of sinners? He was not dwelling on his own sinful nature, nor bemoaning his state. No, Paul was pointing, as he did in every area of his ministry, to the cross of Christ. The depravity of the apostle was great, but how much greater was the love of Jesus Christ! He received mercy so that Jesus might display His amazing grace.

In The Cross Centered Life, C.J. Mahaney writes of the woman who washed Jesus’ feet. “As Jesus reclines at the low table, leaning on one elbow, His feet stretched out away from the table, the woman stands over Him and begins to weep. All conversation ceases. The sound of her weeping grows in volume, filling the house and spilling out into the street. Her freely flowing tears wet His unwashed feet. She kneels down, takes down her hair, and with it begins to wash Jesus’ tear-stained feet. The she kisses them and anoints them with perfume as an act of worship.”

We have all heard this story many times. But maybe we have missed its full significance. This woman was not weeping out of remorse for her sin. She was not asking the Lord’s forgiveness, hoping that her cries would stir His heart to give her a word of blessing. She knew that she had already been forgiven. Her soul was cleansed, her past forgotten. And so she wept, crying out with joy, gratitude and devotion. Looking to the worst sinner she knew, she was filled with love for the One who had extended grace to her. And so she wept, providing for Christians of all ages a beautiful example of worshipful devotion. And so she wept.

The greatest of sinners requires the greatest Savior. I am the greatest sinner I know. Thankfully, because of God’s grace, I also know the greatest Savior. And so I weep.

Well how is this for an opportunity? I have been asked by Desiring God if I would be willing to live-blog the upcoming Desiring God National Conference which will be held in Minneapolis from the 7th to the 9th of October. This year’s theme is “Suffering and the Sovereignty of God.” I thought about it for less time than it takes to type “of course!” and have committed to doing it. I am awfully excited about the opportunity. I’ll have the privilege of enjoying the teaching of people like Joni Eareckson Tada, Mark Talbot, David Powlison, Steve Saint, Carl Ellis, and of course John Piper.

But that’s not all. I’ll be able to meet Justin Taylor, who is fast becoming a friend and probably some other God-bloggers. And I’ll also get to meet one of my oldest and closest blog-friends. Who is it, you ask? You’ll just have to look around and find out. I’m sure he’ll be posting about this as well, as it turns out that he is going to be my partner in crime. We’ll be just like Al Michaels and John Madden, but we won’t ever talk about “cankles.” I promise. Oh, and we won’t have one of those screens that allows us to draw yellow lines and arrows.

Anyways, this is a wonderful opportunity and I’m already counting down the days to October.

By the way, some details are still not settled, such as what site we’ll actually be writing to, and so on. But we’ll have that worked out long before we get to Minneapolis.

Joe Carter, of Evangelical Outpost fame, posted an article yesterday entitled “Lessons of a Recovering Statistics-Addicted Influence Seeker.” It was a very good article and if you are a blogger or spend a bit of time reading blogs, you would probably enjoy it. Go ahead and give it a read. I’ll wait.

I was drawn to this article because there are many resemblances between my blog and Joe’s. Not visual resemblances, mind you, or even content, but I think we have fairly similar profiles in terms of traffic and “influence” (as defined by Truth Laid Bear - keep reading). Joe runs one of the “prominent blog[s]” and knows the insides and outs of blogging. He has also been noticed by some of the “Higher Beings” in blogging - a “privilege” that has escaped the vast majority of bloggers.

The title of the article was drawn from a post made by Pastor David Bayley who wrote, “It’s amazing how a ranking instrument such as Truth Laid Bear or Technorati or Site Meter almost automatically turns us into statistics-addicted influence seekers.” And that is the truth. I used to follow my site statistics with near-religious fervor. When I realized just why I was doing this (to boost my own ego) I actually removed SiteMeter for several months and just got back to the basics. I had been so enthralled with my 42 visitors a day that I lost site of why I write in the first place. As for Technorati and Truth Laid Bear, they do not have the same hold on me as I’ve only just come to understand what they do and why they matter (since TTLB launched in version 2 it suddenly all makes a bit of sense).

I’d like to post a bit of commentary in response to Joe’s article. Reading Joe’s article it seemed to be very humble even while he discusses his success. Reading my article it seems rife with arrogance, but perhaps this is merely my perception. I hope you accept this article in the spirit of humility in which I wrote it. I’ve got nothing to boast about. Nor does Joe.

“Statistics — I've been blogging for 638 days, produced 1259 posts, and received 29,007 comments (including spam I've yet to clear out). That averages out to a dismal 1.97 posts per day, 23 comments per post…Some perspective on site traffic — According to Sitemeter I've had 654,632 total visits, an average of 1,026 per day for every day that I've been blogging. Compare this to last Sunday night at 10:00 p.m., when the WB network ran a rerun of Charmed and had 1.2 million viewers.”

I do not have such solid statistics because, as I said, I turned off my statistics program for a while. I also changed hosts and have changed my commenting system. But I’ve been blogging for more than 638 days, but have produced fewer posts (1025, I believe) and have probably received roughly the same number of comments. As for traffic, it fluctuates, but is probably around “a few thousand” a day. As a web designer I know that these things are ridiculously difficult to gauge.

“I blog every night, Sunday thru Thursday.”

I blog every day, Monday thru Sunday. I generally begin writing early in the morning and post a final product at lunch time. Unlike some people, I don’t go back and fix it up six or seven times throughout the day (that’s a cheap shot at Phil, Amy and Centurion). The reason I blog every day (620 consecutive days as of today) is that once I skip it for a single day I fear I’ll allow myself to get into bad habits. That is just the way my personality works. So I press on, trying not to give myself an excuse to get lazy with it.

“Last month I spent approximately 97 hours working on my blog and received $252.40 in ad revenue. I earned $2.60 per hour for blogging (minimum wage is $5.15 per hour). Needless to say, I don't do it for the money.”

Last month I spent probably about 97 hours working on my blog (I don’t keep a timesheet) and received $0.00 in ad or other revenue. I paid $7.95 to my web host for the privilege of hosting the site. I earned -$0.08 per hour for blogging. Needless to say, I don’t do it for the money.

Don’t Believe Your Own Press Clippings

Hugh Hewitt has never made any predictions about me or my site. I’m quite sure this is a good thing. All he has ever expressed in regards to me is his antipathy towards the review I wrote of his book. That link earned me 647 visitors the day it was posted. I don’t believe I ever received another visitor once it fell off the first page. While at first I was thrilled to be linked by the granddaddy of Christian bloggers, it quickly lost its lustre. I suppose a few of the visitors probably stuck around, but I can’t say with any certainty.

On Newspapers

I don’t believe my site has ever been mentioned in a newspaper. CNN called once and wanted me to provide a miracle story about The Purpose Driven Life but when they found out I didn’t have one, they quickly lost interest in me. And then they turned on John MacArthur. But that’s a whole different story. One article I published on my site was printed in a small newspaper in Keysillve, Virginia. Circulation is probably a little bit less than the New York Times.

On the TTLB Ecosystem

As previously mentioned, I did not even begin to understand the TTLB Ecosystem until a couple of weeks ago. It seems I am a Mortal Human and have a rank of 28. That really doesn’t mean all that much to me. Joe says “From this lofty perch I can now share with you what such an honor means: Absolutely nothing. No, actually, that's not quite true. What it means is that lots and lots of people link to my blog. I’m flattered beyond words that so many people would consider me worthy of inclusion on their blogrolls. I’m not sure why they do so, but I appreciate it nonetheless.” It may also mean that lots of aggregators link to me (and to Joe), which may inflate the numbers a little bit. I am likewise appreciative of any links people give, especially when I do not often enough reciprocate. And with Joe, I assure you that being a Mortal Human has no real perks. Not even a t-shirt or a mouse pad.

So What?

The reason Joe wrote all of this was to indicate that he has done well with blogging. He has risen through the ranks and become one of the more successful Christian bloggers. He has lots of people linking to him and quite a few readers. I suppose the same could be said of me. But like Joe, I’ve found that it all comes down to a “so what?” Or like Solomon said, “all is vanity and a chasing after wind.”

The Good Stuff

Joe goes on to mention several good things that have come from his blog. This is really where I wanted to post some of my thoughts. Blogging has given me some incredible opportunities, and free books are just one of these (even though Justin Taylor hasn’t done a thing for me!).

The single biggest blessing has been in meeting so many of you, the people sitting on the other side of a monitor, somewhere far across the span of cyberspace. Our relationships have primarily been through email and instant messaging, but I’ve met a few face-to-face. I have met so many wonderful, godly brothers and sisters whom I never would have encountered had I not owned this blog. I have been continually uplifted when people tell me they are praying for me (one person says he remembers me when he shaves so prays for me while he goes about that task) and when people encourage me. I have been humbled by the humility of others in addressing what is at times awfully poor theology. You have challenged me to be a better man and a better follower of Christ.

But that is not all. I have had the opportunity to interact with men and women I much admire - authors, speakers and some of my heroes of the faith. I have been asked to submit articles for publication in magazines and newspapers. In all the work of researching and writing articles I have had to dig deeply into Scripture, church history and ultimately into my heart. I have said it many times, but there is a sense in which my blog is all about me! It is an aspect of my spiritual disciplines, as the only way I can maintain it is to ensure that I continue to grow spiritually. When I stop, becoming lax in my study of Scripture, there is an immediate decline in quality of the posts.

And I trust that I have been able to be a blessing to others. It seems a terribly arrogant thing to say, but if I did not feel that was true, I could simply write my thoughts in a journal and keep it under my bed. Every blogger has to feel that he has something to contribute to others or he simply would not bother. As we have established, the cost otherwise is simply not worth the reward.

So like Joe, I'll continue to put in too many hours per week churning out my 1 (and a bit) post a day, hoping that I'll be able to get a couple thousand hits, 20-some comments, keep my inbound links, and earn -$0.08 per hour. “But I'll do so knowing that those numbers don't really matter. What I've gained from blogging - friendship, community, education - can't be quantified. The best things in the blogosphere are the connections you make, the relationships you form, and the posts that amuse, inform, and surprise - and those are things that can't be measured by Sitemeter or Technorati.”

Amen. When I did blogging out of false motives, lo and behold, there were not many compelling reasons to read the site. But when I reevaluated and saw that if I was going to do this I needed to do it for God’s glory, it became not a burden but a great delight. And people began to read, and (I trust) enjoy it.

So if you are a blogger, especially one who is just starting out, my encouragment to you is to keep on keeping on. Press on, worrying more about the quality of information you post than the number of people who read it. Be selfish, posting for your benefit as much as for anyone else’s. Chances are, you need to learn what’s in your head and your heart even more than the rest of us do. And you know what? The people will come, and the great benefit will come to. Not in money or in influence, but in spirtual blessings that just cannot be measured.

And now a brief reflection.

Blogs are beginning to gain ground in influencing the wider culture (ask Dan Rather if you don’t believe me). I have recently been challenged (by Joe, actually) to think about why so many Christian blogs are at the top of the ecosystem in terms of links, but none of us rank in the top 250 in traffic. Clearly we are influencing each other more than we are influencing our culture. While I do not wish to downplay the importance of blogs in edifying other believers, any success seems to dim a little when we consider our ingrown Christian blogosphere.

So there is some food for thought. How we can, as Christian bloggers, begin to influence the wider culture rather than simply passing links around among the 4500 who are part of the Blogdom of God? If we do this, I think we’ll experience “success” so much greater than any we feel we have right now.

Precisely one year ago I wrote a little article called “On Canada Day and Kissing The Mailman.” It was a mournful reflection on my lack of desire to celebrate Canada Day (which for you Yanks and other foreigners, is the day we remember Canada’s birthday. I’ll let you read a version of it I’ve modified only a little bit:

Today is Canada Day. Supposedly this means that Canadians take a little bit of time on this holiday to be thankful for the country they live in. In reality, of course, most Canadians head to their cottages and drink themselves silly (a long-standing Canadian tradition) and think only of their country when they see a maple leaf on their bottles of beer. Sadly, most have lost the ability to see much of anything long before the day is through. And of course fireworks light the skies once the sun finally sets around 9:30 or 10:00.

I am having some difficulty celebrating Canada this year. It was just a few days ago that Canadians proved themselves to be irreversibly corrupt by electing a party known more for their scandal and mismanagement than for their fiscal policies and care for our nation. While at one point it seemed that a party dedicated to restoring a Biblical view of family and to providing governmental accountability had a chance of winning the election, this party fell out of favor when the opponents showed how they might remove laws allowing homosexual marriage and change Canada's current stance on abortion. Of course Canada has no law on abortion so changing the current stance might just mean instituting a law, but I digress. Canada chose to prove its absolute hatred for God and for all things righteous. What lost the election for the Conservative Party was their belief in Biblical definitions of family and in a hatred for the murder of unborn children.

So this year, as I reflect on my country, I feel a bit like a man who has caught his wife kissing the mailman the day before they were to celebrate their anniversary. I feel no real desire to celebrate my nation today and am both disappointed and disillusioned.

So I will take the opportunity to thank God for providing me a nation where, for the time being, I am able to raise my family to know and love the Lord. I thank God for freedom and safety. Perhaps in a week or two I will take some time to celebrate my nation, but not for now. The pain is still too fresh in my mind.

That was a year ago. This year Canada Day falls only a few days after the final reading of a new law that allows homosexual marraige. I wrote about this last week in an article entitled Becoming Compassionate Truth-Tellers. This year has also seen the scandals surrounding the Liberal government grow. The corruption at the top of the party appears to be complete. Hundreds of millions of dollars was taken from tax-payers and given to friends of prominent politicians and party-leaders. They also bought-off a member of the Conservative Party, offering her a cushy cabinet post if she would cross the floor and ensure them a victory in an important House vote. Tax cuts were scrapped, the health care system continues to degrade…I could go on and on. If I was feeling blue when examining the state of the nation last year, I feel even worse this year.

Or I should.

But I don’t.

I guess this year my confidence in God has increased and I know that all of these things merely point towards the truth of God’s Word. Nations will continue to stray farther and farther from God. The Laws will become increasingly ungodly. Yet through it all, God is ever in control. I can’t help but be reminded of Psalm 2. “The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the LORD and against his anointed.” But what is God’s reaction to this? “He who sits in the heavens laughs; the Lord holds them in derision.” In their burning desire to do evil, the nations only make God laugh. He holds them in derision, knowing that He is supreme and that His purposes will prevail. And that is my comfort on this day.