women

In a recent sermon I found that I had to touch upon one what I consider of the trickiest passages in the Bible: 1 Timothy 2:15. Here is what this verse says: “Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.” Taken on its own, this is a remarkably sexist statement. But I’m convinced there is truth and freedom here if we are willing to go looking for it. Let me take a shot at explaining that passage or at least to show you how I went about trying to figure it out.

In this part of his letter to Timothy, Paul is writing about the local church and about how things are to be ordered there. He explains that the public gatherings of the church are to show some kind of order. He speaks of the way men and women are to worship and focuses specifically on the character of a godly woman and then on the conduct of a godly woman. A woman is to respectful and respectable, not showing off her wealth and not seeking to draw attention to herself. And she is to understand that the Lord has not called her to leadership within the church—this is a part of God’s created order. Paul explains this by referring to the order in which God created man and women. “For Adam was formed first, then Eve.” He goes on to show that humanity’s problems began when this order was reversed—“Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.” It was when Eve usurped Adam’s leadership (and when Adam abdicated leadership) that all of these problems began.

And now we get to that tricky statement, “Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.” If we want to understand that statement, we need to look at two things: what it means that the woman will be saved and what it means that they will be saved by childbearing.

Saved

First, then, what does it mean that she will be saved?

A short time ago blogger and author Rachel Held Evans wrote an article she titled “Thou Shalt Not Let Thyself Go?” She began it this way: “In my quest for biblical womanhood, I’ve found that sometimes there’s as much to learn from what the Bible doesn’t say as there is to learn from what it does say.” Her article, she suggested, reflected something the Bible doesn’t say. She looked to Mark Driscoll, Dorothy Patterson and Martha Peace and pointed out how each one of them has at one time suggested that a woman has to be careful that she does not “let herself go” after having children or after being married for some time.

“The message is as clear as it is ominous,” she concludes. “Stay beautiful or your husband might leave you. And if he does, it’s partially your fault.” She spent a month “studying everything the Bible says about women and beauty.” She “turned the Bible inside out, combed through dozens of commentaries, conducted word searches and topic studies and extensive research” and at the end of it all “found nothing in the Bible to suggest that God requires women to be beautiful.”

It is an interesting question: Does God want a woman to seek to remain attractive to her husband even while she grows older? Is there any significance to her doing this, or not doing this? Evans believes that emphasizing physical beauty, even as a woman ages (or perhaps especially as a woman ages) points to a new kind of misogyny. But after long reflection, I am not convinced. Hear me out here.

The Inner and the Outer

I agree that when the Bible speaks of beauty it largely downplays physical beauty in favor of inner beauty. According to the Bible, a beautiful woman is not one who is perfectly proportioned (by whatever society determines to be perfect) or one whose face is stunning. Rather, a beautiful woman is one who is genuinely godly, who reflects “the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.” The beauty the Bible commends is a beauty of character more than a beauty of appearance.

But. You knew there had to be a but. I think Evans may draw something of a false distinction between the inner and the outer as if these things are entirely disconnected. I would suggest that these two things are actually inexorably connected: the outer is a reflection of the inner. And this means that the outer person matters too. What a person wears has spiritual significance because what a person wears or how a person treats her body reflects her heart. This is contra the Gnostics who believe that what is spirit is inherently superior to what is physical. The Bible allows no such tension. Though only one is immortal, both were created by God and deemed very good. Our responsibility extends to both.

Last year I wrote a series of articles I titled Sexual Detox (which was subsequently made available in e-book and then printed book format). It was a series that dealt with the effects of pornography and which encouraged men to go through a kind of detox that would rid their minds and hearts of all the junk left there by their exposure to pornography.

While I had expected a lot of feedback on a series that dealt with such a difficult topic, I had not anticipated how many comments and emails would come from women. I passed most of these to my wife who did her best to answer them, mostly by email. All of those emails and the questions they contained formed the starting point for a second series, one directed at women. And now I’m glad to be able to give that to you in e-book format.

False Messages is a book for women. It is written by my wife, Aileen, and seeks to help women, whether wives or wives-to-be, to understand the purpose and the power of sex and sexuality. It encourages them to put away the false messages they have believed about sex and to reorient themselves around the truth. Since God is the one who created sex, he is the one who must direct it.

False Messages is available as a 21-page e-book and is free to download. You are free to print it, email it and distribute it as you see fit.

This is now the third (and final!) entry in this short series written by my wife, Aileen. In the last article she talked about rejection and how it effects both wives and husbands. The day before that she dealt with sexual desire, pointing out some of the differences between men and women. Today the series concludes.

One thing I want to say. In this series she has been dealing predominantly with “average” marriages. It is impossible to write about sex and marriage and speak to everyone equally; there are always exceptions, always special cases, always difficulties. But do realize that in these articles, and today especially, she is writing mostly for “normal” people in “normal” circumstances. If your husband has a serious addiction to pornography or if there are other exceptional circumstances in your marriage, some of this may not apply or may apply very differently.

*****

by Aileen Challies

This short series, guest authored by my wife Aileen, began yesterday with False Messages I: What He Really Wants. Today Aileen picks up where she left off.

*****

by Aileen Challies

When you thought about getting married and when you anticipated having sex with your husband, did you ever think about how often you’d be saying “no” to him? I know of a few women who decided before they married that they would never refuse their husbands and who have, admirably, stuck to their promise. For the rest of us, though, “no” is is a word we use far more than we ever would have thought possible (or desirable). Maybe we say “no” with our words, whether kind or gracious; maybe we say “no” with our attitudes or body language; maybe we say it with our wardrobe or simply by going to bed long before he is tired. We grow adept at finding new and creative ways of refusing sex.

For the next couple of days there will be a guest blogger on this site—none other than my wife, Aileen. She will be sharing a few articles directed specifically at women. Here is how this came about.

Two weeks ago (yes, it was really that long ago) I posted a series called Sexual Detox. One of the unexpected results of the series was a large number of emails from women who read this blog. I passed many of these emails to Aileen and she has engaged in correspondence with some of the women. This has led to some interesting conversation and, I think, an opportunity for her to both learn from and minister to some sisters in Christ. I’ll let her pick up the story from here…

*****

by Aileen Challies

Here is the liveblog from the last of the True Woman sessions.

Immediately after this wrapped up, I hopped a cab and went to the airport. There were several hours before my flight, but I thought I’d find a place to hole up and get some work done. Well…it turns out there was an earlier flight as well and I just had time to get to it. So it worked out well and I got home at least three hours earlier than I had expected. What a blessing…

We’re going to keep with the CoverItLive format for this evening’s sessions. Feel free to read along and join in the fun, beginning at 6:30 PM CST.

This morning, just for one session, I’m going to try something different. This is a piece of software called CoverItLive and its made specifically for live-blogging. I thought I’d give it a shot.

After John Piper finished his session, a “True Woman Profile” played on the screen. It was the story of one of the women at the conference and told of her conversion to Christ in prison. This was followed by the Getty’s singing “The Power of the Cross” and “When I Survey.” And then it was Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ turn to speak and she took as her text Romans 11:33-36. “Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! ‘For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?’ ‘Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?’”

This passage offers a grid to respond to God’s sovereign control over lives and she spent some time looking at the character of God as it is revealed in this text.

She focused first on the word “depth,” saying and emphasizing that there is much more depth to be found in the person and character of God than in anything else in all of creation. And there are riches in God that far surpass any riches this world can offer. God has complete wisdom and knowledge, knowing everything about everything not just on the macro level but also on the micro. He knows all there is to know about the past and the future—your past and future. God’s ways are beyond understanding—they are unfathomable or past finding out. She quoted John Piper who once said, “In every situation, God is always doing a thousand different things that you cannot see and you do not know.” And so she progressed through the passage, providing teaching about each of the phrases.

And then she ask asked what the response is to be to all of this. Paul’s response was simple: To him be glory forever amen. The response is to put God in the spotlight where he belongs. We worship him and give him the glory, submitting lives to his holy, eternal purposes. What does this have to do with being a true woman? It has everything to do with it and DeMoss offered three points of applications.

1. A true woman lives a God-centered life. She lives for God’s glory and pleasure and not her own. When the true woman sees the magnitude of God’s greatness, it gives context to her puny challenges (even challenges that may seem so huge).

2. A true woman trusts God. We live in a fearful world but God has a plan and his plan cannot, will not, be thwarted. God is the one who defines good and the true woman trusts in him and in his definition of what is good.

3. A true woman says “Yes, Lord.” You can’t call him “Lord” and say anything other than “yes.” The true woman recognizes that her life is not her own and she lives for the glory of God. She affirms that God’s purposes for creating male and female are good and wise. She accepts the way God made her and who she is. She does it with a grateful heart. Saying “yes” may mean saying “no” to a lot of other things.

It really comes down to this: trust and obey. The pathway may be scary since we walk by faith and not by sight, but like Paul, eventually we will get to the heights and take in the beautiful vista of God’s will and plan. And then we will stand and be amazed.

At this point DeMoss asked the women to take from the tote bags they were each given the white hankie. This is to be used throughout the event as a symbol of surrender—a symbol of saying “Yes, Lord.” As the women find themselves surrendering to what God is teaching them, they can wave this flag as a visible symbol of a spiritual, inward reality.

And with a final hymn, the first day of the conference came to an end. And just like this, my day needs to come to an end. I’ve been awake for a long, long time now. I’ll be back tomorrow with more updates.