One of the privileges we have as Christians is the privilege of caring for one another—of blessing one another in our difficulties and comforting one another in our sorrows. In such “one another” ministry we represent God and extend love and mercy on his behalf. This is a precious and sacred ministry that falls to every believer.
But it is a ministry that can be done well or poorly. Those who are called to heal can sometimes harm and those who are called to soothe sorrows can sometimes aggravate them. From what I have observed, the difference is often in whether people are led by compassion or curiosity.
Imagine a man who has received a terrible wound on his arm. He visits the hospital and the doctor carefully cleans and bandages it. “Keep that dressing on it,” he says, “and make sure your arm remains in a sling.” The man returns home and his friends gladly begin to care for him, doing those tasks his injury otherwise makes impossible. Sure enough, his arm begins the slow process of healing.
But before long another group of friends grows curious and they say, “We want to see it.” They begin to tug the bandage off to observe how swollen the wound is, how inflamed, how irritated, how messy. And when that patient visits the doctor for a follow-up appointment, the doctor exclaims, “What have you done? That wound will never heal as long as you expose it!”
Christians who have suffered soon learn the difference between those who dress their wounds and those who aggravate them—those who help heal their sorrows and those who make them worse. So often what people want in their suffering is to be treated gently and to allow their hearts to heal at a slow but manageable pace. Though time does not heal all wounds, wounds cannot heal without time. What can often hinder healing is exposure—exposure that is unnecessary and caused by curiosity rather than compassion.
Though time does not heal all wounds, wounds cannot heal without time.
“What caused his death? What were his last words? What did it feel like to know you are now fatherless, now childless, now a widow?”
“What kind of abuse did you suffer? How bad was it?”
“Tell me about the tragedy you witnessed. Recount the whole scene, describe all the events, and tell me what you felt as it unfolded.”
Such questions may sometimes be appropriate, perhaps especially when asked by a counselor or another person who has training, who has expertise, and who has been granted permission. But such questions are often motivated by curiosity more than compassion and asked by those who may be clumsy rather than skilled. Such people can inadvertently expose the wound and in that way, risk hindering the healing that God’s work has already begun.
So when you have the opportunity to reach out to someone who is hurt and hurting, consider whether you are being led by compassion or curiosity. Consider whether you are binding the wound or aggravating it. Consider whether you are helping God’s gracious work of healing or whether you may in fact be hindering it.
Inspired in part by De Witt Talmage
