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Lowest and Last of All

I Am No Hero

The day will come when every man will stand before the Lord and be asked to give an account of his life. God makes clear the basis of this coming judgment: he “will render to each one according to his works” (Romans 2:6).

I have spoken with the adherents of many faiths who insist they can approach that day with confidence. Each has put their good and bad deeds onto a scale and become convinced that in the end, the good will outweigh the bad. But a person who is humble and sincere will recoil at such a thought, intimidated and perhaps even terrified to consider the declaration of Jesus that “I am coming soon, bringing my recompense with me to repay each one for what he has done” (Revelation 22:12). For when we are honest with ourselves we know that even our best deeds are still tainted by sin and even our best intentions are still suffused with selfishness. We know that we have no truly good deeds to claim and that we have fallen far short of the glory God demands.

Sometimes I find myself pondering my life after I trusted in Christ and considering the strange and grievous reality of being both saved and sinner and of living in both the already and the not yet. I consider that I have so often been careless with my life, I have so often been cowardly in my faith, I have so often been faithless in my calling. At times I have nearly mutinied against God. I would never deny that I have deserved rebuke and reproach.

But God knows as well that I have never been a traitor and I have never been a deserter. Though always imperfectly, I have tried to fight on his side since the day he called me. I have tried to fulfill the duties he assigned to me. I have tried to leave whatever he committed to my charge a little bit better than I found it, to increase my one small talent into two. Even though I have often failed, I have at least tried—tried because of my love for him.

I have not been perfectly righteous, either, but I can say that I have strived to be righteous. Neither have I only ever thought what is perfectly virtuous or said what is perfectly fitting for the occasion, but I have at least attempted to think in upright ways instead of evil ways and to speak words that bless instead of curse. And this, too, because of my love for him. This, too, because of his presence within me.

I have earned nothing I need but Christ has earned everything I need and I have trusted in him to provide it.

So I trust that God is pleased with my intentions even when my deeds have been so faulty and my desires when my words have been unsuitable. Yet imperfect deeds and optimistic intentions would be the shakiest grounds of confidence before God. Thankfully, God gives much firmer grounds: I trust him to be pleased with my broken efforts and partial self-sacrifice only in the light of Christ’s perfect efforts and complete self-sacrifice. These deeds are not the basis of my salvation but proof of it and fruit that flows from it. I have earned nothing I need but Christ has earned everything I need and I have trusted in him to provide it.

And so I am convinced that God will not condemn me based on my sin but will pardon me based on Christ’s righteousness, for Christ is my hope, Christ is my help, and I have trusted wholly in him. I believe that on that great day to come, God will not oust me from the company of the faithful even though there is nothing in me that makes me deserving to be among them. He will not strike my name off the roll of the victorious even though I have so often shown that I am unworthy to have it there. I have every reason to believe that my name will be found written in the Book of Life and will be overwhelmed with joy to find it there, even if it comes lowest and last of all.

I can have such confidence not because of whom I am and not because of what I have done. I can have such confidence only because of the finished work and the infinite love of Jesus Christ.

This article was inspired, in part, by some of the works of Charles Kingsley.


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