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A Delight and a Frustration
January 31, 2007
Being a parent is wonderful. Parenting is filled with moments of joy and happiness and excitement and love. But it’s also filled with moments of almost overwhelming frustration. We’ve had plenty of great times and plenty of awfully frustrating times in the past few weeks. A couple of days ago Aileen and I were talking about the children (our two older children in particular) and I said, “You know, what I find most frustrating is that they seriously think we’re out to get them. They really think that we are always raining on their parades rather than looking out for their best interests.” And sure, there are times that we are acting selfishly, putting our own interests ahead of those of our children. But far more often than not, we are truly interested in protecting them, and most often we need to protect them from themselves—from their own silliness, willfulness or ignorance.
“No, really, pants that end four inches above your ankle look really, really silly!” “No, those are long johns, not pants. You wear them under your pants, not instead of pants!” “You do NOT want to eat that. Trust me!” And so often the response we get is anger or frustration rather than gratitude. If you are a parent you know exactly what I am referring to. Children are constantly doing, saying and attempting things that are going to put them in danger or perhaps even just make them look and feel ridiculous. We are constantly reacting to these things, trying to help them understand what is best for them—what will serve them rather than hurt them, what will be good for them rather than harm them. It is a constant battle to help them understand how to live in this world.
Over the past few days I have been reading the manuscript of a book that will be published later this year. It is a book dealing with relationships between men and women. It is quite atypical as these books go, focusing on complementarity and focusing on the gospel. In reading the book I was struck by how the sin of my children is really so similar to my own and to the sin that has plagued humanity for so many years.
You know the story of Genesis 3 as well as I do. That crafty serpent comes to Eve and says to her:
“Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.
God, the one who created the world, told Adam and Eve how they were to live in it. They were able to enjoy everything the world had to offer, but for one tree. The whole world was open to them but for this one small thing. But we all know how it happened. Satan convinced Adam and Eve that God was not really looking out for their best interests at all. No, God was being selfish to deny Adam and Eve the fruit from that tree. He was holding them back, keeping them from being like Him, knowing good and evil. And so they rebelled. They did things their way. They lost confidence in God’s benevolence and gobbled down the fruit. But no sooner had they eaten that fruit than they saw that they were naked. Their eyes were opened, the Bible says. Their hearts were shut. The wages of their sin would be death. I can’t help but wonder how long it took after they sank their teeth into the fruit that they saw some innocent little creature be pounced on and devoured before their eyes. How long before they saw blood flow and began to witness the carnage they had unleashed?
Since that day we have all rebelled against authority. We no longer believe in the benevolence of those who lead us. Children naturally assume that their parents are out to get them. Wives believe that their husbands are looking out for their own interests above anyone else’s. Citizens assume that governments are shortchanging us. And all of us believe that God is being less than forthcoming, less than loving. We believe that God is giving us something less than what is best. We react to his loving commands with groans and grumbles and frustration.
The frustration I feel with my children when they rebel against my concern and my love for them, must be only the faintest shadow of the frustration God feels towards me. They rebel against me in small ways while I rebel against Him in ways that are so much bigger and so much more significant. The sin of my children has given me opportunity to reflect on the state of my own heart and to repent of my sin of rebellion against God’s authority. Parenting is sometimes a delight and sometimes a frustration, but always an opportunity to learn and to grow. I’m grateful that God let me learn this lesson.