Skip to content ↓

Why Are You Friends with Your Friends?

Friends

Are you friends with your friends for the sake of your friends? Or are you friends with your friends for the sake of yourself? I suspect you don’t really know while you derive some clear benefit from the relationship. As long as the relationship is gain, not loss, as long as it enhances your reputation instead of diminishes it, you probably don’t really know.

A friend and I were recently considering some mutual acquaintances who had fallen on hard times. They had sinned or been sinned against, their lives and legacies called into question, their qualifications and reputations under attack. We noticed a difference between the two. One was deserted by his friends while one was supported. One saw his friends abandon him while the other saw his friends stay by his side. All other things being equal, both men learned something about their friendships. One learned that his friends will distance themselves when that friendship becomes a liability. The other learned that his friends will stand by him even when there is personal cost. One learned he had true friends while one learned he really had no friends at all.

I fear that, judged by this standard, many of our friendships are self-centered. In the final analysis, we are friends with our friends for the sake of ourselves. When there is benefit to be gained by our associations we gladly proclaim people our friends. But when that association threatens to bring us shame, we quickly deny them. Why? Because our love for our friends is less than our love for ourselves. The “friendships” last only as long as they are beneficial to us.

I am grateful to have entered into a number of friendships that I am convinced would endure such challenges. But even more so, I am glad to have entered into the greatest of all friendships with the greatest of all Friends. At a million times and in a million ways I’ve already given this Friend every reason to bail, every reason to walk away, every reason to flee the shame of association. But he remains. He perseveres. He refuses to run. He risks his reputation every day. Yet he remains the nearest and dearest of friends. As the old sage says, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”


  • A La Carte Collection cover image

    A La Carte (May 6)

    A La Carte: Jeremy Clarkson got scammed? / Dying for sex / Materially rich and spiritually emaciated / Gain is godliness or godliness is gain? / Reclaiming a rich interior life / and more.

  • When the Bible Seems Confusing, Lean in and Look Close

    When the Bible vexes us, when it befuddles us, when it talks over our heads or down to our sensibilities, guest writer and author of From Eden to Egypt, Alex Duke tells us this is an invitation to lean in and look close. #Sponsored

  • Foremost false teacher

    The World’s Foremost False Teacher

    In the days since Pope Francis died, I have seen a number of Protestants write about his legacy. Some of these writers have expressed great appreciation for him while others have expressed great concern. The reactions to these articles, and especially the critiques, have been interesting to me. Some people have expressed dismay that their…

  • A La Carte Collection cover image

    A La Carte (May 5)

    A La Carte: Do you see the Holy Spirit? / Joy in a doom-and-gloom news cycle / Comfort when we least expect it / How to get people to be friends with machines / The internet perpetuates our spiritual dementia / Kindle deals / and more.

  • The Dark Shadow on the Short Grave

    The Dark Shadow on the Short Grave

    As the great Friend of children stooped down and leaned toward the cradle, and took the little one in his arms and walked away with it into the bower of eternal summer, your eye began to follow him, and you followed the treasure he carried, and you have been following them ever since. And instead…

  • A La Carte Collection cover image

    Weekend A La Carte (May 3)

    A La Carte: When the world seems to be winning / Carson, Keller, Piper / Honesty over performance / Those who walk with sorrow / Why God allows temptation to remain / Failing and falling / and more.