Any well-taught Christian should be able to speak of God’s attributes and to distinguish between those that are communicable (shared with other beings) and those that are incommunicable (unique to God alone). Among God’s communicable attributes is power. God, who has ultimate power, distributes limited power among human beings. This power is given to us in trust, and we are responsible for using it wisely—to serve God’s purposes with it instead of our own. Sadly, the sordid history of humanity shows that we will often use power to further our own interests ahead of God’s and will often use it to harm others rather than bless them.
Power is the subject of David and Krista Dunham’s new book Power with Purpose. Specifically, their subject is the power dynamic within marriage. They have observed, as you probably have as well, that Christian marriage books speak often of authority, submission, and hierarchy, so that it would seem that one of the major questions within marriage is “Which one of us is in charge?” But the Dunhams are concerned that this narrow focus can cause Christians to miss entire portions of God’s plan for marriage.
They believe there is a better way to discuss the distribution of power within Christian marriages. “What if God designed both husbands and wives to bring real influence, strength, and purpose into their union—not just through structured roles but in a dynamic partnership that uniquely reflects each spouse’s contribution?” Their book explores that concept and helps explain that marriage is a shared calling in which both spouses possess power that is meant to help the other flourish.
While they affirm complementarian categories like headship and submission, they have found through their counseling ministry that people often fail to understand these terms and fail to understand how Scripture calls them to live them out. In their words, “Our understanding of power is often derived from a Genesis-3 world as opposed to a Genesis-2 world. We mimic what is at play in the world due to the curse of sin rather than working to display God’s true desire and purpose for power.” Hence, they believe that speaking of power can add clarity while calling both husband and wife to exercise their power for the good of the other.
They begin the book by explaining what power is and how God means for it to function in this world. They distinguish between power over and power under so that power over is an elevation of self and an oppression of others, while power under is the elevation of the needs, concerns, and desires of others so that they can flourish in their roles by using their gifts and deploying their skills.
After discussing how power can be misused and the negative consequences that ensue, they get to the heart of the matter: power in marriage. Here they show that both husband and wife have power, but different powers based on their unique God-given roles. To a husband is given the power of headship, which involves the responsibility of directing, caring for, and protecting his wife. To a wife is given the power of influence, a relational power through which she is meant to influence those around her. Mutuality in marriage is the product of a husband and wife both using their God-given power to help the other flourish. “Mutuality is not the same as complete equality because it leaves room for gender differences and role variations that are necessary for flourishing in a godly marriage. It allows for each spouse to exert their unique type of power.” Through mutuality, neither power overtakes the other, nor causes bickering or disunity. Rather, there is a sweet harmony that comes when both husband and wife embrace and exercise their unique power.
As you would expect, the authors dedicate a chapter to a deeper explanation of the husband’s use of power and another one to the wife’s, while a final chapter shows how the two harmonize in a life of collaboration in which “each spouse uses their own gifts, abilities, upbringing, and experiences to create a new family that honors God to the best of their ability. Collaboration brings unity, it builds up husband and wife in love and good works, and it reflects the reality of two becoming one flesh.”
I found Power with Purpose helpful in its explanation of power, in its insistence that both husbands and wives have been given unique power, and in its instruction that each use this power in the way God intends. It helped me see that power is a good gift of God that, though it can be misused, can also be embraced as a means of loving others—and especially as a means of loving the one we love best. I believe many husbands and wives will benefit from reading this book, talking it through, and integrating it into their marriage.
