I have often wondered about the best time to write a book about marriage. When a couple is young, there is so much about marriage they have not yet experienced. They can still impart wisdom and teach lessons, of course, but there is so much of marriage that remains unknown to them. Yet when a couple is old, there is so much to marriage they have probably forgotten. Not only that, but so much of what was normal and accepted decades ago may no longer be relevant today. So I suppose there is something to be said for writing marriage books at all stages—from the early years, to the middle years, to the later years.
Mark and Bethany Kelley are in the middle years and bring that perspective to their book Thriving Marriage: Working Together for a Stronger Relationship. Thriving Marriage is a workbook that grew out of their ministry at Compass Bible Church in Aliso Viejo. A couple is meant to read the book together and work their way through it, pausing often to complete exercises and engage in discussion. “What you get out of this study will depend on how much work you put into it,” they say. “Our prayer is that you would devote quality time and effort to reading the material, answering the questions, and even memorizing verses—resulting in observable growth in your relationship. After all, there may or may not be urgent matters demanding your attention, but few things in life are more important than taking good care of the tremendous gift and stewardship that God has given you in your marriage.”
The book is designed so that a husband and wife will each have their own copy of it. They will read the chapter on their own and answer the questions individually before meeting up to discuss their answers. Ideally (though not necessarily) they will also meet up with a mentor couple who can offer them an outside and experienced voice. “Meeting with a godly couple who is a bit further along in their marriage than you are can help light the path forward by providing you with essential support, accountability, and wisdom.”
Thriving Marriage covers all the major areas you’d expect from such a book: communication, conflict resolution, unity, roles, intimacy, time management, finances, and parenting. It covers them well, providing basic teaching and asking good questions. It avoids the heavy-handed legalism that is present in far too many similar books and allows the couple to consider who they are and how they can best serve the Lord within the particulars of their circumstances. Much of the teaching is supplemented by optional outside reading and/or listening (especially to podcast episodes from the Kelleys).
I am convinced any couple could benefit from this book, and this is true whether they are newlyweds or have been married for decades. I am confident it can prove a helpful resource to shore up shaky marriages and further strengthen good ones. For those reasons and more, I am glad to recommend it.
(Thriving Marriage is available at Compass Press)
