Father’s Day is fast approaching and I recently found myself wondering this: What do dads actually want for Father’s Day? I decided to crowdsource the answer, so I attached a form to my website and asked people to let me know. I was thankful that many people tapped out an answer, and today I’m sharing the results.
Time
There is one response that dominated: time with family that is unhurried, undivided, and preferably free from digital interruptions. Some prefer this to be a day out on the lake, others a hike, and still others a backyard barbecue, though since Father’s Day is a Sunday, the ideal day would first include being in church together. Far and away, what dads want most from their children is their presence, even if just for a few uninterrupted hours.
Some of the responses are quite poignant:
A special day with my family. An entire day. A mountain hike, a picnic with my favorite picnic food, local live music, ending with stargazing and exhaustedly falling into bed. They don’t have to plan it or pay for it. Just be there.
In a similar vein:
Unfettered, unhurried time—time where the usual routines and responsibilities are set aside and absorbed by another. Focused time to spend as you will is a rare jewel in many a father’s life, and a precious thoughtful gift when given deliberately.
And this:
A personal, in-person, lengthy conversation together at a good, quiet restaurant with my wife and with each of my adult children.
A wife writes on behalf of her elderly husband:
Though his days are becoming shorter, they are long, as he’s unable to physically maneuver about as before. They don’t know this, because he doesn’t want to burden anyone. They have enough on their plates. Yet the phone is silent, the visits are few during the year. Just a phone call once a week would bring him much delight and lift his spirits. Doesn’t cost anything but “time” – one of our most valuable gifts. So, no tie or golf balls for dear Dad … maybe check on him more frequently and let him know you’re thinking of him, appreciate him, and love him.
And one more:
As an older father and grandfather, the greatest gift I could receive is to simply spend time with all my children. To have them all in one place, at one time, with no special event attached, just relaxing in our company—together. We will gather on holidays or at funerals and weddings, but we seldom all gather just to hang out, share a meal, etc. I would not want the attention to be on me. It fills my heart to see them interact with one another, laugh, and play with their children and spouses. I know their past. When they were young, I’d wonder and dream of who they would become as they grew up. Watching them interact as adults blesses me with a glimpse into the future. There’s a quiet sense of peace there for me.
So there it is: At least half of the responses are simply a request for dad to get some time with his favorite people. Closely attached to this is the desire for reconciliation between family members. With many families experiencing struggles and others torn apart, dad would like nothing better than for his family to be together and to get along on Father’s Day.
Recognition
Following time, the next most common desire is recognition. This usually takes the form of meaningful letters.
A letter telling your dad how important he is and what he’s done that has made a difference in who you are now and who you want to be. Please also tell him in what ways he’s like your Heavenly Father.
Again:
Handwritten notes from my family just being honest about their perspective of me as a father.
Another:
To feel appreciated as a father, though lacking and messing up much!
And one more:
The best gift I can receive is a heartfelt letter from my kids. Something that reflects their appreciation, but includes most importantly their desire to serve and grow closer to Jesus Christ.
Have you told your father lately how much he means to you? And have you told him how he has helped you become more like Jesus? Forming your thoughts on the matter and writing them out on paper could be a great gift. You could consider combining that with a book or a bag of coffee. Why? Keep reading to find out.
Books
I was not the least bit surprised to see books come in as the most common gift apart from time and recognition. Sometimes this is as simple as “Books!” or “theological books.” Sometimes it is a request for a gift certificate (e.g., Westminster Books or Logos) so dad can get whatever catches his eye.
A few people suggest specific titles, so here they all are: Using Authority Well by Jonathan Leeman; Disciplines of a Godly Man by Kent Hughes; The Letter to the Ephesians by Thomas Schreiner; Daily Doctrine by Kevin DeYoung; The Psalms by Christopher Ash; Galahad and the Grail by Malcolm Guite. (You could also look at my book review section to see if something there might be a good fit.)
Another common request is Bibles, and specific options include a Schuyler Stridon ESV Bible, an ESV Spiral Bound Journaling Bible, and an LSB MacArthur Study Bible.
Coffee
I was surprised at how many dads would like some good coffee for Father’s Day. From what I can surmise, most of us drink relatively cheap coffee day by day, perhaps especially now that coffee prices have risen substantially over the past couple of years. What a lot of dads would love for Father’s Day is some coffee beans that are a bit of a treat—a splurge that can be justified when it’s a gift rather than mere groceries. So maybe you can go to that local coffee roaster or boutique shop and see what might delight him. My kids once got me a subscription that introduced me to a variety of coffees over a year, and I really enjoyed that.
Time Away from the Kids
While time with family is far and away the greatest desire, there are a few who are eager for time away from the family—a guilt-free day to step away from the busyness of the home to hunt or fish or engage in another favorite activity. I am quite certain these are younger dads who love their wee ones very much, but who would find a lot of joy in a day away to rest and recharge.
This & That
I received a lot of other ideas:
- A good number of dads would love to go to a professional baseball game, especially if their children come with them.
- Leatherman-style multitools are a surprisingly common request. I guess that makes sense since multitools are the kind of thing people buy as gifts but rarely for themselves. Apart from multitools, just tools in general, though the more tools a man has, the riskier it is to buy him a new one, since he probably either already has it or has decided he doesn’t want it.
- Some older dads would love their kids to pitch in on chores around the house that they can’t do themselves anymore.
- A poignant little cluster of responses expressed that the gift dad wants most is for his children to come to faith in Christ. This is not the kind of gift a person can buy for dad, but perhaps there is a son or daughter out there who has been putting off what they know the Lord is calling them to do, and will do it now to delight dad’s heart on Father’s Day.
Conclusion: Presence over Presents
Overall, the data is more coherent than I thought it would be. The great majority of dads want presence more than they want presents, and the older they get, the more this desire grows. Most younger dads are already around their children all the time, so some of them would appreciate coffee, gadgets, and other things they can’t justify day by day. But as dads get older, their desire becomes simpler and clearer: “Please, let’s just spend time together as a family.”
