Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, and, thanks to one surprising bestseller and its new film adaptation, the whole world is buzzing about pornography and deviant sexuality. 50 Shades has done everything it can to beat and brutalize an otherwise sweet occasion. The day of hearts and flowers has been turned into a day of whips and chains. It’s abhorrent.
Sadly, pornography is one of those subjects I have written about many times over the years. I did not set out to write so many articles, and even a short book, on the subject. Yet as someone who has invested a lot of effort in discipling young adults, and who has at the same time been attempting to make sense of the digital explosion, it has been sadly inevitable.
Here are ten articles I’ve written on the subject of pornography and deviant sexuality:
7 Good Reasons to Stop Looking at Porn Right Now. In this article I sketch out 7 reasons you need to break your porn habit, and do it by suggesting 7 different costs: The cost to your soul, to your neighbor, to your church, to your Savior, and so on. Pornography is not a private sin done in darkness, but a sin against the entire community.
50 Shades of Porn – This one was written almost exactly 2 years ago and contained this warning: “Women, you need to be aware because the pornographers are coming after you. Yes, you.”
Pornolesence – Pornolesence is a word I coined to describe something I have seen a hundred times over: Pornolescence is that period when a person is old enough and mature enough to know that pornography is wrong and that it exacts a heavy price, but too immature or too apathetic to do anything about it. Pornolescence is that period where he feels the guilt of his sin, but still enjoys it too much to give it up. It is a very dangerous place to be.
The Porn-Free Family Plan – The Porn Free Family Plan is a step-by-step plan to help your family be, and remain, porn-free. It will teach you the tools, and the character qualities, you will need to protect your family. (Note: It has been revised and expanded in the second edition of my book The Next Story which releases in a couple of weeks.)
Hope in a Pornified World – Despite all the bad news, I believe that we can have great hope for the future. In this article I share two of those reasons for hope: God’s common grace, and a whole new generation of parents.
Sexual Detox – Pornifying the Marriage Bed – This was the first of a series of articles that eventually became a book. While the book was expanded, improved and edited, the blog series maintains some of that urgency.
Mobility, Privacy, Pornography – The takeaway from this one is very simple but also very important: The majority of pornography is now being consummed on mobile devices. Yet the majority of our efforts in protecting our families has gone into our fixed computers.
Please Don’t Give Them Porn for Christmas – Every Christmas (and birthday and graduation and …) a lot of children will receive porn from their parents. It not what they wanted, and not what their parents intended for them to have. But they will get it anyway. That’s because parents are not properly training their children to use their devices.
Help! My Kids Are Looking at Porn! – It’s a tough reality that so many parents have had to deal with. This article suggests ways to approach your children when you learn of their struggles.
7 Lessons from 50 Shades of Gray – I collaborated with Helen Thorne on this article that attempts to address the 50 Shades phenomenon.
Book Recommendations
Here are books I recommend on the subject of pornography.
Top Recommendation
Finally Free by Heath Lambert.
Having read many books on this topic, I quickly identified three unique and noteworthy strengths in Finally Free. The first is its commitment to the gospel of grace. Lambert avoids using “gospel” or “grace” like buzzwords that have no real meaning. He speaks of grace as a power that we can discover, that we can use, that is available to us as we fight against sin. The second is the books sheer practicality. No other book I have read so helpfully lays out strategies—strategies you can actually do and that will actually work—in the fight against porn. The third is its encouraging tone. He encourages by focusing on Christ’s power over sin and he encourages by his authority on the subject, earned in those thousands and thousands of counselling sessions.
Other Recommendations
- Undefiled by Harry Schaumburg. Schaumburg’s particular strength and ministry is in recovery from sexual sin. This book is ideal for hurting spouses who are attempting to recover together.
- Wired For Intimacy by William Struthers. Struthers explores the important link between pornography and biology.
- Purity Is Possible by Helen Thorne. Written for women, this book addresses the issues of pornography, fantasy and erotica from a female perspective.
- Sexual Sanity For Men by David White is geared toward helping men build or recover a healthy sexual identity. Also consider Sexual Sanity for Women by Ellen Dykas (Amazon).
- My own Sexual Detox: A Guide for Guys Who Are Sick of Porn is a short, punchy book on pornography geared particularly to young men.
- Samson and the Pirate Monks by Nate Larkin is a gut-honest book about porn and one that provides a hopeful way forward.
