This week, the blog is sponsored by The Good Book Company and written by Paul Mallard, who served as a pastor for 40 years and now works as Director for the West Midlands for the FIEC (Fellowship of Evangelical Churches, UK), supporting churches and their leaders across the region. He has authored several books, including Invest Your Disappointments and Heaven: Living with Eternity in View. He and his wife Edrie have four children and eight grandchildren.
For every family in church where the children seem to be well established in the faith, there will be another family where one or more of their children have deserted it. They have tasted Christianity first-hand and want nothing more to do with it.
This may apply to you; it almost certainly applies to someone you know. So how can we help and bring comfort to parents in pain?
First, don’t ignore or avoid the situation. How often have you heard a sermon on “prodigal” children? Is it the kind of thing that you discuss in the time of fellowship after a service?
Why this reticence? Maybe the parents avoid the subject because it is just too painful to discuss. But perhaps the most common reason for this silence is that parents feel too guilty and ashamed and embarrassed to articulate their pain. Try to understand these emotions and respond with grace and love. Assure such parents of your loving prayer and support.
Second, it is good to acknowledge that none of us have got it completely right. Almost every parent looks back on their experience of parenting and thinks they could have done better. Help your friend to understand this. We all made mistakes as parents. But when we are vulnerable because of the grief caused by prodigal children, the devil will whisper in our ear that it is all our fault. Pray that they will not listen to the devil’s lies, and encourage them to leave past failures—either perceived or real—in the hands of God.
Every conversion involves a miracle. And only God can work this miracle. No matter how godly the family is; no matter how expert the parenting we provide; and no matter how devoted or prayerful we might be—we cannot save our children.
Paul Mallard
Third, pray with them for their child’s conversion. The Bible does not guarantee their salvation. There’s a great mystery about the way in which God chooses to save people. Every conversion involves a miracle. And only God can work this miracle. No matter how godly the family is; no matter how expert the parenting we provide; and no matter how devoted or prayerful we might be—we cannot save our children. But this should not lead to despair.
God delights in those who fear him in his “unfailing love” (Psalm 147:11). We cannot save our children, but, by God’s grace, we can fear and reverence him, and base all our hopes and expectations on his unfailing love (hesed). This word describes God’s mercy, grace, kindness, and loyalty. We cannot save our children—we never could—but we can patiently and persistently place them in God’s hands.
Fourth, we can pray in faith knowing that God hears the cries of our hearts. And the wonderful truth is that no one is too difficult for God to save. He can open the most closed heart and flood it with his lifegiving grace.
Finally, help them to realize that they belong to the family of the church. We are never alone. God calls us to “spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24-25). Our churches should be non-judgmental communities of grace and
encouragement, where we are able to share those things that distress us most. Perhaps the
best place to do this is in a small group or even a prayer meeting designed for “parents in pain.”
Don’t give up. Don’t despair. God loves us—and he loves our children. We can trust him.
