That’s pretty good.

This comment is probably unnecessary, but I certainly hope that it isn’t implied that *all* of these things are bad. At the very least, I hope that I can read Wendell Berry and make fun of Left Behind while still comfortably remaining un-emergent. : )

Even from my somewhat limited knowledge of the emergent movement, this seems very accurate to me! Of course, some are stereotypes, and some I identify with (and I’m definitely not emergent). But I think it’s a helpful, humorous list of indicators. I think the emergent church categorizes evangelicals in much the same manner - in fact, I seem to have read much more about that. So it’s interesting to read it in the other direction for once.

Tim,

What a crazy post! Very interesting though. I have aspects of the emergent church movement within my calling as I plant a new church, but I am fully rooted in my reformed theology and believe that the two can coexist in harmony and all for the glory and honor of God.

I seek not to provide another consumerism arena, but instead to try and engage twentysomethings in a way that reveals God’s redemptive plan in a relevant way using the power of Christ’s gospel and letting God be the spotlight. Music, lattes, pop culture and even Dallas Willard’s writings can be used to unify generations and reveal the sovereign nature of God to the world today. At least that is what I believe and the direction I feel God is leading me in ministry. I pray that others will learn to embrace change and realize that even though I think Intelligencer is 100% correct in that history does repeat itself (in the church), we don’t have to stand by idly and wait for the next move of God—it’s closer than some of us think and it will take new sight and new senses to embrace it with wisdom and passion as the Christ of yesterday, today, and tomorrow comes to share his saving grace with his kingdom.

Hilarious post! I was chuckling as I read the whole thing but I don’t think the sentence was emergent , it had an ending!! One thing thing too, I know I’m not emergent , my bookshelf is full of J M , as in John MacArthur , 100% anti-emergent!!

I’m hoping to contrast this with my own post as to what a new reformed mentality is like. For example, instead of Maclaren, we would read C.J. Mahaney, instead of Huerwas, D.A. Carson, instead of latte’s, clove cigarettes (yes it’s a thing at the Reformed Baptist place I go to, I like tea myself), and instead of Rob Bell, Mark Driscoll!!!!!! I’m sure I’ll finish this at my blog at some point.

Tim, as I read this post, I found myself nodding in agreement with some portions, while shaking my head in disbelief at others. I have never considered myself emergent, and never will. However, I do believe many in Christendom have focused too much on abortion and gay marriage in their political leanings and not enough on poverty, or AIDS, or many other topics. I do not, however, care for the “Left Behind” series (although I read them just to find out firsthand what all the hub-bub was about). I drink lattes but not Guiness, U2 but not Moby. I am becoming more and more Reformed in my theology, but I attend a non-denominational church that teaches the inerrant Word of God verse-by-verse. I love hymns, but prefer to hear them through an amplifier than a pipe organ. I guess I’m kind of an evangelical prairie dog: popping my head up to see what’s going on in the world, yet pulling it back down into the safety that is the undergirding beneath.

What about if you insanely like U2?

There should be something in there about the ability to get a book published despite having average writing skills. When I read some emergent blogs (missing capital letters aside) I have to think these guys have REALLY good editors at their disposal. Pagitt, Kimball and Oestricher are just a few examples. In contrast, I read Challies and Taylor, and I’m fairly certain they’re “authentic” because their blogs are well-written rather than some rambling, angst-filled mind dumps.

I remember something similar in picture format appearing at Purgatorio

http://purgatorio1.blogspot.com/2005/11/you-might-be-emerging-if.html

I do have a budding taste for jazz and the blues, though mainly due to influence from Carl Trueman and H.R. Rookmaaker. I bear the label “Christian” the most, but if I would bear any other label, it would be “Calvinist.” Calvin’s second volume of letters shows a depth toward the Lord’s Supper as a means for unity of the church and expository preaching that no quasi sacerdotalist in the emergent movement can match.

Having said that, because I am actually a child of the postmodern generation, and I am a member of a denomination, the Presbyterian Church in America (PCA), that sometimes ebbs and flows in trends of the times in small ways, it would probably be fair to slap the labels “postmodern” or “emergent” on me. I do think it is important to draw out Christians intermingled with the bad trappings of the emergent church movement and move these Christians toward the solid gold standards of Reformed Protestant tradition - Luther, Calvin, Tyndale, et al. They will not be disappointed.

Tim,

That was just unhelpful. I mean, I didn’t find it at all interesting or edifying. I mean, wow wow wow wow.

You bible believing conservative…no wonder all those Jesus-loving heathens don’t like your church…:)

Seriously, that was great, but by the end I was thinking “Breathe man, breathe!!”

Laura,

Your on the edge of a slippery slope. I’d get all the candles out of your house NOW. Otherwise…

Is this like carbon credits? Give your negative labrynth credits to John McArthur because he’s way safe, so that the accounting shows you as more reformed than you normally could claim and you’ll be far enough above the line that you can keep your U2 albums…

In honor of my staunchly anti-modernistic, super-Calvinist, ultra inclusive hymnody infused, evangelically juiced, brainy and beloved brother from the Great White North (who puts the “fun” in “fundamentalist”!), I am currently playing Rush at outrageously high degrees on my computer speakers. Who says they can’t import anything good from Canada? (Okay, Gretzsky too.) C’mon, bring out your lighters; sing it loud and sing it proud! “Closer to the heart, closer to the HEART …” 8-P

Happy April, from a fool,Your appreciative (Reformed and always Reforming) brother in Christ,Rick

I think U2 sucks and I really wish people would stop thinking they are the best band ever. I like radiohead but I really wish they would sing about Jesus. I don’t watch the Sopranos……but I do watch Seinfeld, I do drink lattes, but usually never in the afternoon and I love Guiness but it is too expensive for me, and I don’t know how to use a Mac; I love reading N. T. Wright but I also need a good dose of John Stott, Michael Green, John MacArthur and John Piper. Lloyd-Jones and Calvin are my homeboys; my idea of quintessential Christian discipleship is the apostle Paul and that dude who plays guitar at my church; I don’t know much about George Bush except for the youtube videos I’ve seen of him mess up his speeches. I do not like Left Behind Christianity; I think poverty, AIDS, CEO salaries, consumerism, global warming, racism, and oppression are political concerns but abortion makes me ill and my heart breaks for homosexuals; I think I would describe myself as rather bohemian; I am certain that the myth of certainty is a myth; My parents are modern and I love them; I love the Bible as a beautiful, inspiring collection of works that lead us into the mystery of God and is inerrant (God wrote it); I search for truth and often get it wrong but I know I have many important things right, the Bible tells me so; I got lost in a labyrinth; I think the dream of God is a good way of describing the Kingdom of God but it remains only a way of explaining it; I grew up in a very conservative Christian home and am happy about it; I believe dudes and girls are equal…….but they do have different roles; I am sympathetic with those who disbelieve in any sacred-secular divide as long as they aren’t excusing laziness; I want to be the church and go to church; I long for an inclusive community of those who are represented by Christ alone….none of that river hoogly; My election brought me very close to Jesus; Hell is going to happen (whether it has real fire or not it is still HELL), no use denying it now; I believe salvation is from sin, evil and death and is remedied by the victorious and penal substitutionary death of Christ and his resurrection on the third day. I believe Christians need to talk about the Kingdom of God. I think Jesus told us to believe in Jesus; I think people should talk about heaven coming to us; Paul Martin’s preaching rocks hard; ‘Story’ is so pass - and Jonathan Edwards writes beautiful prose.

In this videoDr. Ravi Zacharias says “The emerging church is not really new. Some of its precepts started in the garden of eden when the serpent said, ‘Did God really say this?’”

I agree with first commenter… History repeats itself.

I am far from an ‘emergent soul’ but in recent years, my church has been delving deeper into the depths of this movement with the aforementioned prayer labyrinths, candles, and play-doh, chanting/singing monastery tunes, and recess time during a sunday morning worship service. All of that is basically irrelevant compared to the real issues at hand, however: a lack of dependence and cherishing of God’s Word and an inability or reluctance to preach the whole counsel of God. I hope that others in a similar predicament will continue to stand firm and pray.

I actually thought this was hillarious!Thanks for posting it!

Great post. Humor and a point in the same paragraph. I’m glad I stopped by. I thought I was the only guy who thought atonement was still important.

God Bless

“if all or most of this tortuously long sentence describes you, then you might be an emergent Christian.”

You had me worried there for a minute. Glad to know if only some describes you than you probably aren’t emergent. Phew.

Well, we’ve performed more than one salvage operation in American Christianity, I guess we’ll just have to be prepared in fifteen years for another one. — Intelligencer

Just beware your salvage operation doesn’t end up going just as far in the other direction. When the 19th Century Social Gospel movement became a Gospel without personal salvation (only social consciousness), the “salvage operation” was Fundamentalism, a Gospel of Personal Salvation and Only Personal Salvation.

I’ve experienced the fruits of both, and they’re not pretty. Both out of balance, just in opposite directions.

Emergent is the new incarnation of Neo-Orthodoxy. They are the descendants with newer, hipper footwear (instead of wingtips, they’re wearing Crocs).

Re-read Schaeffer’s “the Church at the end of the 20th Century” and you will see that he predicted this in 1970. In their desire for cultural relevance, declarative Truth is sacrificed for “understanding the current conversation.”

We are either on the cusp of a great revival or a great down-grade in the modern church. I pray for revival.