fear

I do not generally consider myself a worrier. I am more the easy-going type—the kind who is generally carefree and and does not succumb to fear. Or so I like to think. But even then I have to admit that I can be fearful—I can give in to the temptation to worry. Even if I worry about the things I consider “big,” I prove to myself that I am still a worrier at heart. And to tell the truth, I don’t know of anyone who doesn’t worry about something at sometime. We all tend to feel fear at one time or another; we all tend to be afraid of life, of what it brings, or of what we think it might bring in the future.

Running Scared is a book for fearful people, which is to say that it is a book for everybody. It is notable not only for its subject matter, but for its author—Edward Welch who has written, among other highly regarded titles When People Are Big and God Is Small. The book is divided into thirty chapters and Welch encourages the reader to tackle one chapter per day and to not return to the next until he has taken the time to discuss each one with another person. The chapters fall into two uneven parts, one with four and the other with twenty six chapters.

Welch begins with some initial observations, perhaps the most important of which is in the third chapter. It is here that he reveals that “fear speaks.” This is to say that fear tells us about…us. It tells us about how we understand ourselves, about how we understand God and how we understand the world around. Fear is “a door to spiritual reality.” “There is a close connection,” Welch says, “between what we fear and what we think we need. … Whatever you need is a mere stone’s throw from what you fear.” That statement is profound and well worth further consideration. It is little wonder that Welch suggests pausing often to ponder. Another point that I found worth of extra attention was this one: “Worriers live in the future.” Worriers are constantly looking into the future and using their imaginations to construct their own version of what the future will look like—what it must look like based on their understanding of what has happened, what will happen, and how God works.

Here is where adult imaginations show their mettle. Imaginations are our ability to consider things that don’t presently exist. Sometimes we call it vision. A visionary is one who looks ahead and envisions the trajectory of a church, business, or individual life. A talented visionary is one who can see future possibilities and persuade others of that future. Visionaries are rarely right (at least in the details), tend to be optimistic, and are always confident.

What does this have to do with worry? “Worriers are visionaries minus the optimism.” Ouch. Worriers construct worse case scenario futures for themselves and begin to believe that these futures must be theirs. In this way they take on the role of prophets, but only of false prophets. And we all know what the Bible prescribes for false prophets…

Having shared his initial observations, Welch turns to the voice of God, providing a series of chapters in which “God speaks.” God first speaks about some general principles related to fear and worry and then to more specific matters—money and possessions; people and their judgments; death, pain and punishment; and then peace. Each chapter turns to Scripture for its authority and each concludes with a point or two of a personal response of application or reflection.

With surprise I admit that this is my first foray into the books of Edward Welch (though it certainly will not be my last). He has quite a unique writing style, one that made me think of Mark Buchanan with maybe a few shades of Max Lucado or Phillip Yancey (which in this case I mean to be a compliment). He writes conversationally, almost poetically, but also exegetically, drawing what he teaches primarily from the Bible. It is clear that He relies on Scripture as his authority and his source.

For someone who does not consider himself much of a worrier, I was surprised to find that this book offered me a lot to think about; it offered me a challenge to see where (not if) I worry. And as it offered the biblical diagnosis, it offered also the biblical cure. It showed me that worry, though usually a hidden sin and perhaps even a sin that most often seems harmless, is a sin that impacts my life and serves to distance me from the God who says time and time again, “Do not be afraid. Peace be with you. The Lord give you peace.” It showed me most clearly of all that the way I feel about fear and worry is a sure indication of what I believe about God.

Running Scared is a book I highly recommend. I think you’ll want to add it to your library as well.

You can find it at Westminster Books or at Amazon.

Avoiding Kids: How Men Cope With Being Cast as Predators

Ted Wallis, a doctor in Austin, Texas, recently came upon a lost child in tears in a mall. His first instinct was to help, but he feared people might consider him a predator. He walked away. ‘Being male,’ he explains, ‘I am guilty until proven innocent.’” As awful as it sounds, I sympathize with this guy. As terrible as it might be to see a young child lost and alone, as a man in this society I feel like accusing eyes would be upon me were I to walk up to that child and offer to help. My instinct would probably be to look for an authority figure—a police officer or mall security guard—or a harmless-looking stranger, perhaps an elderly woman or a pregnant mom. These people could help the child without making others assume that they have evil ulterior motives.

Jeff Zaslow of the Wall Street Journal has written a couple of recent articles dealing with our society’s view of men as predators. They are well worth reading (Are We Teaching Our Kids To Be Fearful of Men? and Avoiding Kids: How Men Cope With Being Cast as Predators). He asks, “Are we teaching children that men are out to hurt them? The answer, on many fronts, is yes. Child advocate John Walsh advises parents to never hire a male babysitter. Airlines are placing unaccompanied minors with female passengers rather than male passengers. Soccer leagues are telling male coaches not to touch players.” An ad campaign for Virginia’s Department of Health features a picture of a man’s hand holding a child’s hand with these words plastered over it: “It doesn’t feel right when I see them together.” The message seems clear. “The implication is that if you see a man holding a girl’s hand, he’s probably a predator,” according to Marc Rudov who runs a father’s rights site.

Clearly there are going to be consequences to making people (and children in particular) fearful of men. “Fathers’ rights activists and educators now argue that an inflated predator panic is damaging men’s relationships with kids. Some men are opting not to get involved with children at all, which partly explains why many youth groups can’t find male leaders, and why just 9% of elementary-school teachers are male, down from 18% in 1981.” Children are beginning to be distrustful of men and society in general is becoming increasingly distrustful of men. Men, meanwhile, bear the weight of feeling like they are always on the edge of being accused of some deviant behavior. “The result of all this hyper-carefulness, however, is that men often feel like untouchables.” “While we don’t want sexual predators to harm our kids, we do want our kids to develop healthy relationships with adults, both men and women. Instilling a fear of men is a profound disservice to everyone.”

Here are a few examples of how this is working itself out according to the testimonies of men who responded to Zaslow’s articles:

In Cochranville, Pa., Ray Simpson, a bus driver, says that he used to have 30 kids stop at his house on Halloween. But after his divorce, with people knowing he was a man living alone, he had zero visitors. “I felt like crying at the end of the evening,” he says.

At Houston Intercontinental Airport, businessman Mitch Reifel was having a meal with his 5-year-old daughter when a policeman showed up to question him. A passerby had reported his interactions with the child seemed “suspicious.”

In Skokie, Ill., Steve Frederick says the director of his son’s day-care center called him in to reprimand him for “inappropriately touching the children.” “I was shocked,” he says. “Whatever did she mean?” She was referring to him reading stories with his son and other kids on his lap. A parent had panicked when her child mentioned sitting on a man’s lap.

I’ll admit that I am of two minds about this. On the one hand I don’t want to feel (and don’t want my children to feel) that all men are perverts who are necessarily untrustworthy. At the same time, I have too often seen the harm done to children through predatory men. Though it may be the case that only the smallest percentage of men are predators, the fact remains that the great majority of predators are men. Early on in our marriage my wife and I established a couple of ground rules pertaining to our children (such as not allowing men or boys to babysit our children and being exceedingly cautious about sleep-overs). To use these seemed like common sense rules and not ones born out of a great fear of all men. We are cautious towards relationships between our children and other men, but rejoice when godly or otherwise concerned adults show a genuine interest in them.

I would be interested in hearing from the people who read this site to hear how you cope with these situations.

1. Would you leave your children with male babysitters?
2. Would you allow your teenage boy to babysit other children?
3. Are you immediately hesitant or nervous when a man shows friendly interest in your children?
4. For the men: if you saw a child standing alone and crying in the mall, would you stop to help the child?