Skip to content ↓

Joel Osteen or Fortune Cookie?

Joel Osteen or Fortune Cookie

The other day I ate some rather extraordinary Thai food for lunch and, on my way out, grabbed a fortune cookie. I cracked it open and read a silly little proverb meant to inspire, I suppose. I wish it had said “A brisk uphill walk after all-you-can-eat Thai is a bad idea.” Never mind. As I waddled my way home, regretting that last bowl of curry (so delicious…), I thought “This fortune sounds like something Joel Osteen would say.” And then it struck me–there is very little difference between Joel and those fortune cookies (except that the cookies are delicious, of course). And now, to prove it, I will give you these twelve quotes. You tell me which are from the fortune cookies and which are from Joel Osteen.

November 2015 Update: This is now “quizzified” and updated with recent Osteen quotes. All of his quotes were posted to his Twitter feed within the past 2 weeks.

Note: Many, many fortune cookies were harmed in the preparation of this quiz.

Thanks for playing!


  • Sometimes I Get It Wrong

    Sometimes I Get It Wrong

    Sometimes I get it right and, admittedly, sometimes I get it wrong. I get access to most books long before they reach store shelves and I try to anticipate the ones that will be most important, most worthy of my time and yours. These are the ones I then read and review. But sometimes I…

  • A La Carte Collection cover image

    A La Carte (April 15)

    Take that risk for Jesus / Have you eliminated submission? / Evaluating your tech usage / Not everything needs to be useful / 10 intercessory prayer points / Before you decree and declare / Book reviews / and more.

  • A La Carte Collection cover image

    A La Carte (April 14)

    Critical theory / The Iranian church persists / Hiding from God / Meditation and mindfulness / Work hard for Animal Farm / When you are offended in church / New book releases / Kindle deals / and more.

  • Hear the Word of God

    Discover the Christ-centered, Spirit-filled preaching of Rev. Eric Alexander. For over 50 years, Eric Alexander faithfully proclaimed God’s Word with clarity, depth, and a deep love for Christ. Widely regarded as one of the finest Bible expositors of the late 20th century, his ministry has shaped generations of pastors and believers. Now you can listen…

  • Raising Children Who Love the Church

    Raising Children Who Love the Church

    Here are some practical principles I observed or solicited when raising our children—children who gladly attend and prioritize the local church, not out of obligation, but out of conviction.

  • A La Carte Collection cover image

    A La Carte (April 13)

    Translations, not paraphrases / Parenting on the precipice / Eunuchs and transgenderism / Keeping kids off AI and social media / The discipline of staying in bed / Kindle deals / and more.