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Joel Osteen or Fortune Cookie?

Joel Osteen or Fortune Cookie

The other day I ate some rather extraordinary Thai food for lunch and, on my way out, grabbed a fortune cookie. I cracked it open and read a silly little proverb meant to inspire, I suppose. I wish it had said “A brisk uphill walk after all-you-can-eat Thai is a bad idea.” Never mind. As I waddled my way home, regretting that last bowl of curry (so delicious…), I thought “This fortune sounds like something Joel Osteen would say.” And then it struck me–there is very little difference between Joel and those fortune cookies (except that the cookies are delicious, of course). And now, to prove it, I will give you these twelve quotes. You tell me which are from the fortune cookies and which are from Joel Osteen.

November 2015 Update: This is now “quizzified” and updated with recent Osteen quotes. All of his quotes were posted to his Twitter feed within the past 2 weeks.

Note: Many, many fortune cookies were harmed in the preparation of this quiz.

Thanks for playing!


  • A La Carte (May 29)

    The Commodification of Christianity / Can Christians smoke weed? / Having Kids when there’s never a good time / The curse of climate anxiety / Advice on how to “preach the gospel” to yourself / Admitting defeat / Three respectable sins of pastors / Kindle deals.

  • Thursday A La Carte

    A La Carte (May 28)

    Stephen Colbert didn’t get cancelled / Raising kids in a world that’s changing fast / Christian nationalism and AI maximalism / Ben Sasse on the indoor childhood / You should (try to) get married / AI and the deformation of the student’s soul / sales and deals / and more.

  • What Does It Mean to Be Discerning

    What Does It Mean to Be Discerning?

    Though I have heard it said of others, I have never had anyone tell me that I am a man of discerning tastes. I do not have a discerning palate or a discerning sense of style. I can, however, contentedly live without these if only I can have a discerning mind and a discerning spirit.

  • A La Carte (May 27)

    Sinful desires, concupiscence, & “Gay Christians” / Against anti-aging / The beauty of the unnamed / Take it on the chin / When the church stops singing / Does an unbelieving child disqualify a pastor? / The state of theology in Canada / Getting older involves a lot of dying / and more.

  • A La Carte (May 26)

    Judson’s last ride / How commercial surrogacy targets military families / Should Christians flip tables like Jesus? / What’s wrong with boys? / The single path / Battle for the soul / Four good questions to ask your tech / Kindle deals.