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Joel Osteen or Fortune Cookie?

Joel Osteen or Fortune Cookie

The other day I ate some rather extraordinary Thai food for lunch and, on my way out, grabbed a fortune cookie. I cracked it open and read a silly little proverb meant to inspire, I suppose. I wish it had said “A brisk uphill walk after all-you-can-eat Thai is a bad idea.” Never mind. As I waddled my way home, regretting that last bowl of curry (so delicious…), I thought “This fortune sounds like something Joel Osteen would say.” And then it struck me–there is very little difference between Joel and those fortune cookies (except that the cookies are delicious, of course). And now, to prove it, I will give you these twelve quotes. You tell me which are from the fortune cookies and which are from Joel Osteen.

November 2015 Update: This is now “quizzified” and updated with recent Osteen quotes. All of his quotes were posted to his Twitter feed within the past 2 weeks.

Note: Many, many fortune cookies were harmed in the preparation of this quiz.

Thanks for playing!


  • Remember

    It Doesn’t Matter What You Remember

    I have a memory like a … what do you call it? That thing in the kitchen you use to sift the stuff you want from the stuff you don’t. A sieve! That’s it. I have a memory like a sieve. I joke about it at times, and about how I have to outsource remembering…

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  • Post Woke

    Are We Post Woke?

    It is too early to tell, I think, whether the “wokeness” craze has already peaked and even begun to slip into decline, or whether it’s just pausing to gather energy for another surge. What seems clear for the moment, though, is that it has lost at least some of its initial momentum, probably because it…

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  • Petty Fight

    Petty Annoyances and Minor Insults

    I wonder if you are like me in that, as you look back on your life, you realize that most of the circumstances that have troubled you, most of the annoyances and disgruntlements, were produced by circumstances that were hardly worth noticing.

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