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Joel Osteen or Fortune Cookie?

Joel Osteen or Fortune Cookie

The other day I ate some rather extraordinary Thai food for lunch and, on my way out, grabbed a fortune cookie. I cracked it open and read a silly little proverb meant to inspire, I suppose. I wish it had said “A brisk uphill walk after all-you-can-eat Thai is a bad idea.” Never mind. As I waddled my way home, regretting that last bowl of curry (so delicious…), I thought “This fortune sounds like something Joel Osteen would say.” And then it struck me–there is very little difference between Joel and those fortune cookies (except that the cookies are delicious, of course). And now, to prove it, I will give you these twelve quotes. You tell me which are from the fortune cookies and which are from Joel Osteen.

November 2015 Update: This is now “quizzified” and updated with recent Osteen quotes. All of his quotes were posted to his Twitter feed within the past 2 weeks.

Note: Many, many fortune cookies were harmed in the preparation of this quiz.

Thanks for playing!


  • thurs 3

    A La Carte (May 21)

    One step becomes a three-day walk / Tolkien, foolishness, and the ordinary means of grace / The staggering beauty and burden of church life / Denominational health / Three truths to combat your news anxiety / Don’t do the Devil’s work for him / and more.

  • The Most Neglected Element of Worship

    The Most Neglected Element of Worship

    There are some elements of public worship that receive a great deal of attention. These elements are taught, practiced, rehearsed, and perfected until they are as good as they can be. In most churches, this includes the music, of course, and often the preaching. Why do these receive so much attention?

  • wed 3

    A La Carte (May 20)

    The pastor who refuses to back down / The missionary with Ebola / Why we don’t trust pastors / Rushing our quiet times / The other side of seminary / The remedy, the problem, and the church / Why we need to interpret the Bible / Kindle deals / and more.

  • tues 3

    A La Carte (May 19)

    The wrong lessons from the latest scandal / The blessing of being forgotten / If your chatbot offers prayer / Have tongues ceased? / Consider the small town / Thinking Christianly about complex topics / Book releases / and more.

  • Off the Hook

    God Doesn’t Ask You To Let Him Off the Hook

    There are many ways that human beings can display our pride and arrogance toward God. There are many ways that even those of us who love him can display that we think we know better than he does. There are many ways we can behave with conceit, but perhaps never more so than when we…

  • mon 3

    A La Carte (May 18)

    I am not enough for my kids / The dangerous days past middle age / Are you filled with the Spirit? / Give away lots of money / The best way to resist temptation / A year with Pope Leo / Kindle deals / and more.