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Joel Osteen or Fortune Cookie?
- 05/12/10
- 79
The other day I ate some rather extraordinary Thai food for lunch and, on my way out, grabbed a fortune cookie. I cracked it open and read a silly little proverb meant to inspire, I suppose. I wish it had said “Brisk uphill walk after all-you-can-eat Thai is a bad idea.” Never mind. As I waddled my way home, regretting that last bowl of curry (so delicious…), I thought “This fortune sounds like something Joel Osteen would say.” And then it struck me—there is very little difference between Joel and those fortune cookies (except that the cookies are delicious, of course). And now, to prove it, I will give you these twelve quotes. You tell me which are from the fortune cookies and which are from Joel Osteen.
Note: Many, many fortune cookies were harmed in the preparation of this quiz.
*****
To see the answer, look for the gray underline beneath each question. Simply double-click or click and drag over the line to see the response. If you are reading via RSS, you may need to click through to the site in order to have the answers hidden from view.
Question One
“Happiness is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it.”
Fortune Cookie
Question Two
“Do all you can to make your dreams come true.”
Joel Osteen
Question Three
“Take time to make a difference. Think about how you can make somebody else’s life better.”
Joel Osteen
Question Four
“Avoid focusing on the negative aspects of the past.”
Fortune Cookie
Question Five
“You have something to offer that nobody else can give!”
Joel Osteen
Question Six
“When you can’t naturally feel upbeat, it can sometimes help to act as if you did.”
Fortune Cookie
Question Seven
“To affirm is to make firm.”
Fortune Cookie
Question Eight
“Relationships are more important than our accomplishments.”
Joel Osteen
Question Nine
“Somebody needs your encouragement. Somebody needs to know that you believe in them.”
Joel Osteen
Question Ten
“The best things in life aren’t things.”
Fortune Cookie
Question Eleven
“You will produce what you’re continually seeing in your mind.”
Joel Osteen
Question Twelve
“Judge each day not by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant.”
Fortune Cookie
*****
So how did you do? I would have loved to be able to package this as a slick little quiz, but unfortunately I couldn’t find software that would do that without either attaching unsuitable ads or otherwise polluting your computer.
I am a follower of Jesus Christ, a husband to Aileen and a father to three young children. I write books and blogs for fun while doing web design and consulting for a living. I worship and serve at 
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Comments (79)
Cool. Though the length of the grey line rather gives away the answer..
That is hilarious!! Thank you for the lighthearted gem.
Joel would never say ‘the best things in life are not things’.
I got only six out of twelve. That’s really disturbing.
I only got 2 right.
So, I guess Joel and his family must eat regularly at places that give out fortune cookies. The sermon possibilities are endless. Or I suppose that if the whole feel-good pastor thing falls through he could start a thriving fortune cookie business.
Glad I didn’t pay heed to the length of the line. Full of dewey-eyed innocence, I jumped in and chose the correct source of the quote nine out of twelve times!
Mmm, fortune cookies.
Sad, just sad! Well, kinda funny too.
10 out of 12, man. Now I am trying to figure out if a high score is such a good thing??
That was exactly my thought too.
Sorry, I meant my above as a reply to McWilliams— Joel would never say “the best things in life are not things.”
9 of 12. Typical.
This was the perfect visual of Joel Osteen’s theology! Are you sure that he said, “Relationships are more important than our accomplishments?” How sad that this was the only one that didn’t seem like him. We genuinely need to pray for his congregation.
I was going to say that they’re all Osteen, but I see now that there are answers. (Miss some things when you skim. ;) )
Fun quiz, thanks for sharing! Unfortunately I failed with a 50% score.
11 out of 12!!!I win… or maybe I lose?It’s not the answers that count, it’s the pondering of the question that matters. Right?
Yeah… I think Osteen steals his sermons from fortune cookies. Whichever ones were “original to him”, I think just weren’t researched enough. I have never heard anything but cliche after cliche coming from his mouth.
While some could have gone either way, I did manage getting all of them correct.
Tim, now that you have exposed the source of Joel’s “wisdom,” he may have to go back to using the sentiments expressed in Hallmark Cards for his drivel.
I scored 8 “correct” out of 12. But that’s because I read Michael Horton’s Christless Christianity and I was informed of Osteen’s parlance.But the one who ends up with the least amount correct truly gets the gold, as the objective is to show how there is truly no difference between what Osteen says and the pith of a fortune cookie.
… in bed.
(This one works for cookies and Osteen alike as well.
Failed miserably… no better than a random result. Does Joel eat all those cookies when preparing his sermons?
I missed #’s 4,6,7 and 8, guessing Osteen on 4,6 and 7 and cookie on 8.
First, let me say I got 10 out of 12 right, for better or worse.
Now, my real point. I don’t like Joel Osteen. Not even a little. That being said, anyone can sound like an idiot or a heretic when taken out of context. Granted, context does not help him much. But, like anyone else, context should be provided if we are going to fairly and accurately evaluate someone’s views. We could likely dig through Tim’s posts and take individual lines out of context and have some real fun. Fun, but not fair.
Osteen deserves to be warned against. I am just not sure ridicule is the best way in the long run.
“Osteen deserves to be warned against. I am just not sure ridicule is the best way in the long run.”
I’m not sure if that’s the case or not. I think of Elisha with the prophets. “Hey, you sure your god isn’t relieving himself? Keep calling him!” That sounds a lot like ridicule and it worked out pretty well.
I don’t know. I know what you’re saying, but sometimes it seems that ridicule is all that’s left.
9 right. Only because I have listetned to him some. Very disturbing. Especially “You will produce what you’re continually seeing in your mind.”
Would I be out of line to say “Survey Monkey” with a wink and a smile?
My 11-year-old son beat my 14-year-old daughter 9-7 in the Osteen v Cookie game. Next week, we’ll have to try Name that Tune: is it a romantic song or worship song?
Seriously, this was very instructive for my family. We visited a family member’s church this Sunday for Mother’s Day and heard an entire sermon launched from the words, “But Noah…” in Genesis 6, entitled “The Power of One” (and actually, the word “one” shouldn’t be capitalized because the preacher wasn’t talking about God). We all want to hug our dedicated expository pastor the next time we see him!
Joel has a gift of edifying us and encouraging us to be all that we can be in Christ! He also ALWAYS gives an opportunity for people to pray and except Christ as the Lord and Savior EVERY Sunday before he closes the service! I understand the concern of some that people may has a misunderstanding that christians are promised a blessed and problem free life. But many in the church have given Joel a bad rap! I THANK GOD for him and his ministry!
This is GREAT! I have turned this into a Game show for my Youth group activity tonight! My youth will think this is hilarious.
I agree Tim, Osteen has reached the point where he must be mocked. To take him seriously is…a problem.
The quiz…? The more sure I was…the more likely I was wrong.
I got way less than half right. There was only one Osteenism that I was sure sounded like him, that really was.
“He also ALWAYS gives an opportunity for people to pray and
except
Christ as the Lord and Savior EVERY Sunday before he closes the service!”
Unfortunately, your malapropism is truer that what you intended.
Tim, you mentioned a while back your move to Drupal. Why not grab one of what is presumably one of many quiz modules for Drupal?
“he also always gives an opportunity for people to…except Christ…”
True dat!
I think that the issue is that Joel Osteen isn’t preaching genuine Jesus. If promising fortune and fame gets someone to Christ, is that true salvation?
Much of Jesus’ earthly ministry was dethroning false teachers and speaking out against heresy such as gnosticism, easy-believism and health & wealth. I, for one, agree with Tim in that, sometimes the best thing to do is to point out how absurd their beliefs are…
Great idea Tim! very creative! This hammers home the fact that Osteen’s views are indistinguishable from the eastern nonsense.
I haven’t read any Osteen, but believe me, no one wants to read a fortune cookie as they wait in the hospital after their baby died. Osteen on the TV was nauseating.
I think Joel is a very good speaker…..too bad he’s supposed to be a pastor who is charged with preaching the gospel. If he would just say he is a motivational speaker it would be better. His “gospel” is not gospel at all. :-(
I think I only got two right. Which I suppose says a lot about Osteen’s message when you really can’t tell the difference. At least with the fortune cookies and can get some satisfaction.
Tim
Doug Wilson wrote a little book about the use of ridicule. I think your mention of Elisha is spot on. He uses it as well.
Steve
If you turn him over, does Joel Osteen have lottery numbers printed on his back?
“He also ALWAYS gives an opportunity for people to pray and except Christ as the Lord and Savior EVERY Sunday before he closes the service!”
I agree with Dave, Osteen’s Christ isn’t the Gospel-Christ.
Joel said he didn’t teach the Bible, that’s for others to do. He simply wants to “encourage” people. I guess he simply wants to make people feel good about themselves.Sad for any man to do this in a pilpit.
But, people love Joel’s empty words. And people love fortune cookies.
Thanks for the post.
Thanks for that, Tim. Now I have the thoughts of my heart set on Chinese food, so my wife and I are even now heading to the local in-the-shopping-center-cheap-but-decent Chinese buffet.
By the way, we both got only about 75 percent right. …
I got them all right, except for #11.
But I see your point. :)
So, if you turn Joel Osteen over, will you find a bunch of random numbers printed on the back like you do with fortune cookies?
Joel has one-upped the Chinese. I have eaten some good Chinese food, but it has never EVER cost me 10% of my income!
I got 4 right out of 12. You certainly made your point.
What a true (and funny) thought. This might really explain some of the most prominent cults in America. . .
I would have said most of them are his, lol
Joel never would have said, “”Happiness is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it” because don’t you know, you’re not supposed to talk about conflict and suffering and all that bad stuff. Sadly. a fortune cookie sometimes is closer to the truth than Joel!