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Boys Adrift
- 01/04/11
- 15
Last week I posted a review of The Death of the Grown-Up by Diana West, a book that takes a hard look at our cultural obsession with immaturity. That review garnered quite a bit of attention, so I thought it might be interesting to go into the archives and pull out a review of another book I read some time ago, one with a fair bit of overlap—Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax. It takes a look at what may well be some of the background to some of this immaturity.
Something strange is going on with boys today. My memories of boyhood revolve around the great outdoors--running through fields with hockey stick guns, climbing trees, playing any and every sport, getting sunburns, heatstroke, ticks, sprained ankles and all the other bumps and bruises guaranteed to come to an active, rambunctious boy. Though today I live in a neighborhood filled with boys, rarely do I see them out and about; rarely do I see them engaging in the activities we'd expect of them. Something has changed. So many boys are inactive and unmotivated.
The changes go deeper than just the activities of young boys. "Fully one-third of men ages 22-34 are still living at home with their parents--about a 100 percent increase in the past twenty years. Boys nationwide are increasingly dropping out of school; fewer are going to college; and for the first time in American history, women are outnumbering men at undergraduate institutions three to two." This lack of activity or lack of motivation seems to continue through life. Parents, educators and doctors are concerned.
Leonard Sax is a family physician and a research psychologist who has witnessed this change. He has seen it in a close and personal way through his busy medical practice. In his book Boys Adrift Dr. Sax offers his explanation as to why boys and men are failing in school and at home.
He narrows in on five factors: changes in educational models; video games; medications for ADHD; endocrine disruptors; and a lack of good role models. Schools, he says, have begun to focus on academics at too early an age, leaving boys hating education from their earliest days. Programs that focus more on fun and less on academics up to age seven or eight would reap educational dividends. Important also is the distinction between learning as merely collecting facts and learning as experience. Regarding video games he believes that boys today are dedicating far too much time to this form of entertainment. As boys play these games they gain false perceptions of power and inadvertently remove themselves from reality until eventually they prefer the world of video games over the real world. ADHD is vastly over-diagnosed and huge numbers of boys are given medications they simply do not need. These medications have been proven to change the way boys develop and do far more than simply calm down hyperactive children. Endocrine disruptors, and especially artificial estrogens found in plastic bottles and other similar products, are delaying boys' development (while accelerating girls' development) and contributing to many associated problems. And finally, boys are suffering from a distinct lack of good and manly role models, both in their homes and in their communities. Each of these five areas receives a chapter-length treatment and in each case the arguments are convincing. Yet the book does not end with only this list of problems, but with the author's attempts to suggest solutions.
While Dr. Sax does not claim to be a Christian, he shares many things that could easily have their roots in the Bible. For example, in discussing problems with discipline he writes, "Thirty years ago, if a boy cursed his parents and spit at his teacher, the neighbors might say that the boy was a disobedient brat who needed a good spanking. Today, the same behavior from a similar boy might well prompt a trip to the pediatrician or the child psychiatrist. And the doctor is likely to 'diagnose' the boy with Conduct Disorder (DSM-IV 312.82) or Oppositional-Defiant Disorder (DSM-IV 313.81). The main criterion for both these 'disorders' is disobedient and disrespectful behavior that persists despite parental efforts.' Is there really much of a difference between a neighbor saying 'That boy is a disobedient brat,' and a doctor saying 'That boy has oppositional-defiant disorder'? I think there is. If another parent whom you trust and respect suggests that your son is a disobedient brat who needs stricter discipline, you just might consider adopting a tougher parenting." In a similar vein, he writes about problems inherent in making behavioral issues into medical issues. "You can see how the assignment of responsibility differs in these two cases. If your son is a disobedient brat, then your son and you (his parents) have to take responsibility. You have to own up to the problem. You will probably have to make some changes. But if your son has a psychiatric diagnosis, that means he has a chemical imbalance in his brain. He—and you—are no more to blame for that imbalance than if your son were diagnosed with childhood leukemia, right? Psychiatrist Jennifer Harris recently pointed out that today, 'many clinicians find it easier to tell parents their child has a brain-based disorder than to suggest parenting changes.'"
While Christian readers may find it a bit difficult to read about Dr. Sax's comparisons between humans and their "primate cousins," this is one of the book's few missteps. It is well-researched and thoroughly convincing. Though some of the five concerns Sax lays out may be more important or urgent than others, and while there are many boys for whom only a few of the five will apply, I believe any parent will benefit from reading this book. The lessons he shares are applicable to children who are in public or Christian schools as much as to children who are homeschooled. Al Mohler once called Boys Adrift "essential reading" for parents and I am inclined to agree. If you are a parent blessed with boys or if you are a young man yourself, buy this book and read it. You won't be sorry you did.
Before I close out, let me share just a couple of other interesting quotes from this book:
"Forty years ago, even thirty years ago, there was no shame in a young man choosing a career in the trades. Beginning in the early 1980s-and particularly after publication of the Nation at Risk report in 1983-a consensus grew in the United States that every young person should go to college, regardless. "Vocational education" lost whatever prestige it had, and came to be viewed in some quarters very nearly as a dumping ground for the mildly retarded."
"Traditionally, one of the factors driving Western society has been the fact that women prefer successful, affluent men over men who are less successful. Because men understood that women would be reluctant to marry men who couldn't comfortably support a wife and children, men were motivated to be successful. That simple mechanism has suffered a double whammy in the past forty years. First, sex has been divorced from marriage. Second-and here's what's really disturbing to those of us in the over-thirty crowd-sexual satisfaction has been divorced from women altogether."

I am a follower of Jesus Christ, a husband to Aileen and a father to three young children. I worship and serve as a pastor at
Releasing on April 1, The Next
Comments (15)
I do agree that many factors are at play in this trend but I wonder about the change that occurred due to the feminist movement . Many of these boys are placed in childcare at an early age and having worked in a school as a custodian for years , witnessed what I saw was a change in teaching methods that hurt boys . Some of the male teachers from the old school methods in our conversations said it favored the female .
Plus why is all the blame placed on the young men. Do young women act any more mature, Having had the opportunity to work in a high school and witness their behavior , no wonder young men are messed up. Add in as well many young women are putting off wanting children , being a mother and wife , rejecting the biblical roles and you have a recipe for disaster ,
Plus this line my wife found insulting to her. “Traditionally, one of the factors driving Western society has been the fact that women prefer successful, affluent men over men who are less successful” If this was true ,then most of the marriages that I know are happy , should not even be. Is a successful man one who is materialistic driven. I sat in a mens group not too long ago and many of the men would be labelled successful and affluent but their relationship with their children were a disaster . Some it even cost them their marriages . The scripture teaches we are to work hard and well ,but being well off is not a guarantee . Paul says be content with basics . Maybe women in this generation want too much .
Plus I’m not buying all the doom and gloom. Yes there are problems .However my sons and the friends that they have do not fit into this mold. They have all had solid Dad’s and decent role models .
One last thing about role models.Are we really to believe in the past of the all the great male role models. I took give a list a mile long of men who were not good Dad’s or Uncles etc…
Thanks for this Tim
In my own ministry i’ve seen sad examples of young men who struggled at school and at home, and were diagnosed with ADHD and drugged up to the eyeballs. There weren’t causing trouble any more, but neither could you hold a coherent conversation with them. All most of these kids need are parents who can take responsibility, and, in some cases teachers who are not looking for an easy way out.
One other thing that struck me. Thirty years ago if a kid spat at his teacher, not only would he be called a disobedient brat but you could be sure the parent would take the teacher’s side in most any issue. From my limited experience in (small, Christian, Bible belt) high schools, the situation seems to have totally reversed.
No wonder young men struggle to grow up, leave home, develop adult relationships and deal with the real world, if they’re only ever treated as problems to be solved or kings to be obeyed in their own home.
Raising children who are not brats requires a great deal of time and consistency of approach from both parents. The warehousing of children in daycare and pre-kindergarten robs parents and children of that consistent interaction and exposes the kids to a wide variety of alternative disciplinary approaches (ranging from cruelty to bribery) that work against what parents teach in the home.
So at the root of the changes we see in boys are the lifestyle choices of adult couples, especially their decisions about debt and the material acquisitions that drive income needs and force parents out of the home and into the workplace.
My memories, too, are of playing for hours with my friends in the great outdoors. Urban and suburban living have hemmed kids in, to some extent. But I also believe that video games and TV rob kids of the need to imagine and create entertainment for themselves. Whole CGI worlds are created before their eyes and they merely dive into those worlds, which creates the habit early on of relying on somebody or something else to fire up your imagination. Kids will live more balanced and richer lives if they are taught early to create and imagine, to role play, to take an active role in finding adventure and joy.
My husband is leading the men in our church through the book,”The Masculine Mandate,” and when they have come to parts in the book where the author addresses these same issues some of the guys are so defensive! Mostly the ones with sons living at home in their upper 20’s and lower 30’s. They make excuse after excuse for their children. It is really sad!
Another book along these same lines that I’ve been intending to read for a while is The Case Against Adolescence: Rediscovering the Adult in Every Teen.
If I recall, one of Epstein’s more controversial positions is that teens should be treated as adults earlier than they currently are. Including, for instance, having the ability to legally consent to sex. I may be wrong, though, not having read the book. If he does hold that view then I’d agree with him, but I understand that view doesn’t sit well with many folks.
I think of my great grandmother who married (eloped) at sixteen (with a nineteen year old) and who, by all accounts, had a long, wonderful marriage. Today their relationship would not only be frowned upon, it might actually be illegal if there were sexual activity prior to marriage.
Some comments on ADD: I would probably be diagnosed with ADD if I were to get tested. Fortunately I was capable enough to do well in school despite the procrastination, distraction, etc. My brother actually was diagnosed and went on Ritalin for a few months. He eventually quit (with my parents’ blessing) after complaining that it made him completely lethargic. I took one of his pills once and didn’t notice any changes. While I agree with the naysayers that ADD is undoubtedly over-diagnosed, I’m not willing to go all the way and rule out that there are children who suffer from a legitimate physiological condition.
The week I spent substitute teaching 9th grade rammed this home. There were plenty of kids who misbehaved in mundane ways (talking to each other, ignoring me, etc.) but there was one boy in particular who was just out of control. His behavior was so crazy that even his class mates considered him “weird”. I’m not a doctor, but it seemed clear to me that this kid had issues that went beyond simply “poor discipline” or “lack of respect for authority”.
“‘many clinicians find it easier to tell parents their child has a brain-based disorder than to suggest parenting changes”
These people are quacks. A lot of quacks in our cultre today, who are accepted by the majority of the people in our society.
It’s such a blessing to see my son-in-law raising his four sons as a Christian Dad should. With the main ingredient of love and truth, he teaches them well. He also is a fine husband, and so he is a good example to his boys.
Thanks for the review.
These are both great books and speak to a serious issue I believe. I would also suggest for those who are okay with some heavier reading, The Technological Society by Jacques Ellul. Technology, it seems, corrupts all it touches as it is in our nature to misapply and pervert. The tool of technology has subverted our role and it has deeply affected society and our children as a result.
It is a great book and as a physician I see these very things all day long. The pressure placed on us as Family doctors to diagnose these kids with a medical disorder by the academic community cannot even begin to be described. It is sad and greatly frustrating to have families look at their children and assuming something must be wrong with the child, it couldn’t possibly be anyone elses fault.
This book is very much worth the read for anyone with children, young boys in particular. It has very much shaped the way I practice medicine in this area and I have recomended this book many, many times already.
HW said “Boys need to know that God hates them as sinners. What else is more important???”
Well, wrath is certainly one of God’s attributes, but if we stop at that we have not preached the Gospel to our kids and have therefore failed in our parental responsibility. Rather, we have subjected them to spiritual abuse.
How can we expect heart change and mind renewal in our children without the Good News? How will the message of “wrath alone” lead a young enemy of God, or “child of wrath” to repentance? Wrath alone would have judged all of us already.
Rom. 2:4, 5:8, Eph. 2:1-7
Well, I’m blessed to be a mom to just girls, so part of me breathes a sigh of relief that this is not my burden. Then I remember that they’re all going to need husbands…. sigh.
But that quote about careers in trades really struck home. Growing up as I did in Australia, there was a far broader range of educational and vocational options for boys, and girls, who either didn’t want to pursue, or weren’t up to pursuing, academic or intellectual careers (read - lots of money). So there were (hopefully still are) tradeschools and apprenticeship programs for all kinds of trades. There was still a problem with them being considered for the lesser-brained, but there was also far more respect for the dignity and value of manual labor.
Recently, Mike Rowe (of the T.V. show Dirty Jobs), launched a similar initiative in the U.S.- to get more people interested in these kinds of jobs. Here’s a great article in the WSJ about it: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000142405297020473180457438497413241319…
My own husband has a good job in high tech, but he’s also saved us literally thousands of dollars because he is able to do almost any house project himself. I tell my girls every day that they need ask God to send them husbands like their Daddy - who loves Jesus, knows His word, provides faithfully, and can put up dry wall and do plumbing. They get it. :)
In the book, Blame It On The Brain, the Christian Doctor states that a chemical imbalance in the brain has never really been proven. It is just a theory. What is in the heart of a man comes out in his behavior.
Again, sounds fascinating. And, as the mother of two young boys, I’d definitely be interested in reading this one! Thanks for pulling it out and discussing it!
” I tell my girls every day that they need ask God to send them husbands like their Daddy - who loves Jesus, knows His word, provides faithfully, and can put up dry wall and do plumbing.”
Love that.
Great book, thorough review. Thanks for bringing it out. I missed the review on the last go-around. I agree with Mohler—“esential reading.”
I can testify to the changes in education. I think my elementary education came before some of them took place, but I was in junior high when I had a female science teacher ask me to come to some sort of educational fair at our local CSU. It was aimed at girls with ‘potential’ in math and science, with the goal being to direct more of them into applied sciences like engineering, because my gender was “underrepresented.” Not surprisingly, about the time I was earning my teaching credential, I heard a statistic that was worrisome and puzzling to the educational establishment, that suddenly, young men weren’t interested in math and science any more. Boys were flunking out of subjects they had once, as a group, excelled in. When I heard that, I couldn’t help but remember that educational fair back in junior high.
Sax articulated well the changes in educational approach I experienced, though unwittingly, over the course of my education. It grieves me that so many boys have been discouraged from worthwhile pursuits in the name of making things more ‘equitable.’ I say, let those boys be boys and run in the mud and jump in puddles and climb trees and collect tadpoles and don’t forget to teach them to work with their hands!
I read an article recently that discussed how the Public schools in Finland were among the most successful in the world. Interestingly enough, the kids there spend less time in the classroom then kids in other school systems. Boys just aren’t wired to sit as long as our schools make them. They need lots of time to be running around! It helps them to focus more when they are required to sit still for a period of time and learn.
My two cents worth!
The Masculine Mandate the best book on Manhood I have read.