Skip to content ↓

Friday Frivolity

Based on many trips over the U.S.-Canada border in the past weeks and months, I’d like to suggest the top ten things not to say to a U.S. Customs agent (or border guard):

10. “Want to bet that I make more than you do?”

9. “So an Iranian, a Cuban and a North Korean walk into a bar…”

8. “Does this look infected?”

7. “Where am I going? To heaven. In fact, the Bible says…”

6. “I’ll take a large fry, a Coke and some chicken nuggets.”

5. “That gun belt sure makes your hips look big.”

4. “This job must be da bomb, man! Da bomb!”

3. “So I guess you couldn’t make it as a cop, huh?”

2. “Do you pronounce it new-clear or new-cu-ler?”

1. “I’ll tell you where I’m from if you tell me where you’re from!”

Okay, so that wasn’t as funny as I had hoped. But here is something that really is funny. At the Ligonier Conference, during a question and answer session, R.C. Sproul told a variation of the following joke:

After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington. “How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!” yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. “You wanted to end the Americans’ liberty, so they gave you death!” Henry punches Osama on the nose.

James Madison comes up next and says, “This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!” He delivers a kick to Osama’s knee.

The punishment continues as person after person beats on Osama. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up and hurls him back toward the gate where he is to be judged. As Osama awaits his journey to his final destination, he screams, “This is not what I was promised! Where are my 70 virgins?”

“Ooohhhhhh!” replies St. Peter. “You got that all wrong! It’s 70 Virginians!”

I’m still laughing at that one.

Moving on to more serious matters, I am going to have to sign off quickly today as my book deadline is looming, now just a week away. I have had several friends send me their feedback and critiques on the book and this has been both educational and humbling. One thing it has made clear to me is just how important it is to be encouraging even during times of critique (and even when a person has specifically requested critique). Page after page of critique can begin to crush the spirit, but it takes only a few encouragements of “Good!” or “Excellent point!” or “Well done!” to restore hope. Without these, the editorial process would seem hopeless. This is something for me to remember in my relationships with others, in the times that I am asked to critique another person’s work, and so on.

I’d ask your continued prayers through this week as I finalize the manuscript and prepare it for the publisher.

  • The Hands and Feet of the Bible

    The Hands and Feet of the Bible

    The Bible has life and the Bible brings life because it has been spoken by God. The Bible’s life, its voice, its feet, and hands are the life, voice, feet, and hands of God extended toward his people. For that reason among others it is always worthy of our time, our attention, and our dedication.

  • A La Carte Collection cover image

    Weekend A La Carte (July 20)

    A La Carte: The wedding of the century / Why grieving people need a theology of giving / God desires your happiness / Sincere love and hospitality in the church / Real life is a better teacher than social media / and more.

  • Free Stuff Fridays (MBTS)

    This week Free Stuff Fridays is sponsored by Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. For the Church Institute is a free online platform from Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary designed to provide free and accessible theological training to equip, encourage, and edify local churches. Courses may be taken as a self-paced individual or as a group within your…

  • A Field Guide on Gender and Sexuality

    A Field Guide on Gender and Sexuality

    God’s design for gender and sexuality is fixed and unchanging. The way he created us is the way he means for us to live. The instruction he provides in the Bible is all we need to understand his purpose and live it out in a way that honors and pleases him. The wisdom he provides…

  • A La Carte Friday 2

    A La Carte (July 19)

    A La Carte: When you can’t forgive yourself after an abortion / Ancient Corinth, Judge Judy, and litigious Christians / Trusting the giver of good / The renovation of a soul / Life after Doom (by Brian McLaren) / and more.

  • A La Carte Thursday 1

    A La Carte (July 18)

    A La Carte: Does Christian sex need rescuing? / 15 resolves for interpersonal conflicts / How senior pastors can help associate pastors / it’s okay to be okay / Don’t be proud of what you had no say in / How sweet! / Kindle deals / and more.